Help i have an abusive husband

9% Normal
65 Comments

hi iam 22 and got married 4 months ago to the guy i loved, i fought with my family to get married to him i even quit my MBA in the middle to be with him, before i got married all i could think was to be with him,...i was physically abused a lot by my mom and my brother because i was a stubborn kid and also as an adult i was abused and my husband now and boyfriend then use to comfort me and tell me he is trying hard to find work and once he finds it all this would end. after we got married he started bashing me up if i would say anything he does'nt like or if i raised my voice i get beated up and pushed to the wall and banged to the walls,..we live in the US and our family is in india very far away, may be he thinks there is no one whom i can get help from. i can even tell my parents cause i fought the best i could and assured them tht the happiest place i would be in my life is with him tho they warned me against their broken family,..i do behave like a kid and do silly things but nothing which deserves a bashing,...will i have to suffer like this all my life. i really feel its me, may be i deserve this but for wat?, i see ppl who dont care for their husbands etc etc,..
but i care for him look after him everything
when he is not angry he talks nicely to me and acts like a normal person but when he's angry he looks and acts like a devil.
pls gimmie some advice on how to deal with my husband. Is his behavior normal?
thankyou
jane

Voting Results
9% Normal
Based on 148 votes (13 yes)
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Comments ( 65 )
  • Solimorphic
    15 years ago

    If you divorce him he will marry another and abuse her.

    Kill him!

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    • yumi_reiku
      14 years ago

      i cant believe this site allowed ur comment

      call 911 while hes not home, have a cop wait out side in a unlabeled car and have the cop take ur husband into the station when he gets home

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      • Solimorphic
        14 years ago

        It's a tongue-in-cheek comment.

        If you don't know what that means, Google it.

        Didn't mean to kill, literally.

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      • ReaperAJ
        14 years ago

        Been through this with my own husband, we're still married 13 years down the line. It was hard going and yes, he's a nice guy, good father, well liked and respected. His family never believed me and thought I was to blame. He told them a lot of crap about me too and they sucked it all up like brainless sponges. I left, I came back, called the cops, backed down, up and down on a rollercoaster for years, always in fear of the next incident. I even started divorce proceedings at one stage. Then we got into counseling and just after we'd started that, the last incident happened and it was the most brutal. He got so drunk he could barely stand, but when the rage was upon him, he was a total maniac and looked utterly evil. He attacked me with a knife, beat me in the face with his belt and smashed his fist into my face. He ended up opening up my forearm and I had to have stitches. He kept me hostage for at least 2 hours in the bathroom, but luckily I was expecting trouble and had hidden my cell in the laundry basket. I managed a quiet call to my mother who called the cops. He got cocky with them, but they got me out of there. I didn't lay charges of assault straight away because they advised me to think it over and not make an emotional decision. Instead, I continued therapy with him, but we seperated for a period of 3 months. After 6 months of therapy he was a different person and stopped abusing alcohol. I am happy to say that almost 3 years later we are still incident free and he is a totally different person who now controls his anger although I suppose I will forever be a bit wary of him when he's had a few drinks. It's going to take years for my trust to be earned again I suppose, or the emotional scarring to disappear, but we love each other and are now a healthy and happy family.

        I told you this to show you that sometimes they can change, sadly not always. Try to suggest you get help as a couple failing which get it on your own, but definately don't sit around taking this abuse. If he refuses and doesn't change his ways, get the hell out of there before he kills you, it usually progresses to that. In my country domestic violence is prevalent and the outcomes are usually not good.

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        • _edinboro
          12 years ago

          I'm really sorry you went through that, but don't tell this woman who's already in doubt/scared she's being abused that "he could change". That's what keeps abusive relationship together, the hope.

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      • bimomate
        14 years ago

        They say they have to approve it, but they don't even look at it. Trust me, you'll see this comment "approved"

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  • Coaster
    14 years ago

    poison his ass. hittin on a female is not cool no matter wat tha situation.

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  • Dolly1234567890
    14 years ago

    Don't let this happen to you! I'd tell the cops..

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  • tintedcouture
    14 years ago

    Call the police and leave a curtain open so they can witness your husband beating you. Then they come barge in and beat up his a@@

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  • Stryker
    14 years ago

    find help, look for help on the internet.

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  • Pinger
    14 years ago

    ok not normal.

    Start saving money is a separate and safe spot.

    Start getting your affairs (paperwork, bills, finances etc) in order because you NEED to leave and you will never see him again.

    The next time he ruffs you up, call the police and leave.

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  • tylerricci
    15 years ago

    Call the police when he does it. File a report, get a protection order, and FILE FOR DIVORCE. Your MBA is a worthy goal - quit the guy and go for that!

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  • [Old Memory]
    15 years ago

    No he's not normal and you don't deserve to be abused by anyone for anything. Call a distress centre. Start to develop a plan, including a safety plan. I think you should get out, but at least call a centre.

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  • MCA
    11 years ago

    Get out!!! You do not deserve to be treated this way.

    Go on-line and google domestic abuse services for the state you live in, call 911 for help or go the police station and tell them you need to leave your abusive husband and you are seeking their help. There are services that will offer you counseling to help build up your self-esteem, and will guide and help you set-up a new life for yourself.

    I see this was posted years ago. I hope you did step out and get help.

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  • [Old Memory]
    11 years ago

    I beated my wife up when she a talk a too much and didn't make a dinner. This is a normal yes?

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  • ITgirl232
    12 years ago

    call the cops. if he is really that abusive, then call the cops IMMEDIATELY!!!

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  • DOGSY
    12 years ago

    You made you choice to marry him, its your own fault if he beats you, stop crying and make double efforts on cleaning your stinking house

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  • seeking
    12 years ago

    You need help. No one should have to put up with that kind of abuse. There is no excuse.

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  • whosnormal
    13 years ago

    You should swallow your pride, call your parents and get the hell out of there. I got beat up for 6 years and than back into another abusive relationship that nearly killed me. Men are assholes! If I didn't have to have sex with her, I would rather have a wife than a husband (unfortunately, I'm not gay). Get out of dodge cuz even if you leave him, he'll follow you and make your life a living hell.

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  • lovedarklatinosandmixes
    13 years ago

    he may kill you.

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  • bdzz123
    13 years ago

    Call tha police and send him to jail for domestic violence!!! Nobody deserves to go through that! Abusing someone is the ultimate crime in my book!! Get out of there!! U live in the us!! There's lots u can do about this

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  • bash
    13 years ago

    ow my dear Jane!you and i are experiencing the same thing.At first i called the cops just minutes after he bashed me up but i didn't file a report on him.Just lately i gave birth to our son and he abused me again while staying at my parents house for a while.I chased him out of the house, and now iv'e moved onn with my life.Im just 21 and will commence to finish my Bcom program soon ...So now iv'e left him.It's true that we care and love that person so much but think what is best.

    hope this will help

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  • am5310
    13 years ago

    He's a control freak and you need to lose him he will not change and you deserve better it does not matter how nice he is when he's not beating you and it's not your fault talk to an attorney and call the cops don't put your life in danger or on hold for this fool!

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  • [Old Memory]
    13 years ago

    This is not normal.
    If he is abusing you, it is not worth being with him.
    You should be with a man who will be nice to you and the surroundings.
    Hope this has helped Jane
    -Cami :]

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  • LoveYouBabe
    13 years ago

    No one in the world should be treated like this. This is just sick and horrible.
    I have heard that people who were abused young look for that same abuse when there older. You care for him so much. It is not worth it if he is only hurting you. There are many people who can help you in America. It does not have to be immediate family. Bless you.

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  • SillyKitty55
    13 years ago

    sorry i mispell a lot of words because i type super fast

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  • SillyKitty55
    13 years ago

    my husband and i got into it...this was 6 months ago. we were only engaged at the time. we lived together. he was doing drugs. he was abusive. physically and verbally. i put his ass in jail as soon as he laid a hand on me.
    he is now sober since he was in jail to this day. he no longer abuses me what so ever. it is like 1 in a million that a man will change his ways. my man was that 1 in a million to change his ways. i prayed day and night that he would change for the better-for me and for our daughter. for 3 months straight i praid day and night and cried day and night.
    seriously leave him. i highly doubt that he will change even if you put him in jail.
    go back to lviing with your family. call them and do the criminal porotective order and go to the county where you put a perminent restraining order against him. save money move out.
    i moved back in with my family. the one thing you need to comprehend and ACCEPT IS THAT YOUR IMMEDIATE BLOOD FAMILY-meaning your siblings and your parents will ALWAYS BE THERE FOR YOU!!!
    you need to put him in jail call your family tell them your plan and ask them to help you even it means putting u in a hotel or an apartrment. you will goto court and you will want to vomit from seeing his face again. i know because that is exactly what happened to me when i went through it.
    goodluck with everything and yes listen to everyone you deserve the best. and right now the best is to be with your family and protect yourself.

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  • wowmemy
    13 years ago

    I would never do such a thing to a girl in my life! Raising your hand and abusing a girl is not right! And I hate the fact that some men do so. I just want you to know Jane that not all guys are like, and I'm sorry to all the ladies out there who've had to go through with such stuff.
    to the guys doing such stuff STOP! If you think it makes you feel macho then you are wrong. It only shows what a sissy you are to be picking on women.
    hope all turns out well for you Jane. And if you do leave the bugger please dont go find another like what happens to many women out there.

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  • BOYracer88
    13 years ago

    cut his jacobs off

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  • Gidget
    13 years ago

    Leave him put his ass in jail

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  • westerfan12
    13 years ago

    You need to call the police NOW. If u don't he will feel like he will have more power and sooner or later he might kill you. Call 911 NOW

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  • curiousKat2610
    13 years ago

    Run. He will not change. The longer u stay the more power he feels.

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  • hahakate
    14 years ago

    Jane. You are too good of a person to put up with this. You are in love with him, but you need to understand that he is a dangerous man. How do you know he isn't violent in other ways with other people? By staying silent, you may be putting others in danger. Give yourself the upper hand, stand up, and do something about it. I was sexually abused when I was 8. I came out and then 25 others did about the same man. Please. Please, say something. For the sake of the people in your community and maybe further.

    Best of luck, Jane. Please be safe,
    Kaitlyn.

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  • afoolinj
    14 years ago

    Just make the man a damn sandwiche.

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  • freethinkerguy
    14 years ago

    You are young and don't deserve to be abused like this. What if he takes the abuse too far? What if you end up permanently injured or dead because he goes too far?

    Go after your MBA. You're spirited enough and smart enough to get halfway through it. And get out of there.

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  • alexisfreak
    14 years ago

    Call the f**king cops!!

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  • kanachan
    14 years ago

    No, that isn't normal. Call the police and get him arrested.

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  • summerann
    14 years ago

    get the eff out of theree

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  • leahquestions
    14 years ago

    all these comments are good. been there done that my dear-- and yes there is something wrong with you-- you allow it --- get out of the house with some money, call your parents and tell them you were wrong, file for a divorce and get a restraining order unless you like getting beat up regularly-- it gets worse just wait I know -- you have to have some eslf esteem- get back to college and get yourself back on track- go -because the longer you stay the harder it gets-- and when you have kids they'll get it too I know--- so what do you want? -- to live like this forever and find the SOB in bed with another or get out and get happy --YOU CAN'T CHANGE HIM! it's up to you there are men out there so sweet--to die for -- I know

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  • [Old Memory]
    14 years ago

    Lastly, you were trying to get your MBA but you can't write worth a damn. I don't think you would do that well in the business world and I think you should do what your husband would support and just get pregnant and go on welfare. Your a waste of fucking life and I feel bad for your parent.

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    • simba1
      14 years ago

      Crawl back into your hole, you creep! What has this girl ever done to you? She asks for advice regarding an abusive home life, and your idea of helping her is to abuse her some more and judge what sort of person she is. You truly are a waste of space. You should be locked up in a lunatic assylum.

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  • blackeye
    14 years ago

    I am sorry it is not an anger problem, its not temperory and you are not over reacting. Get the hell out of there, seek help, move on. Noting, NOTHING in this worl justifies violence and nobody has the right to treat you this way. So please get out of such an abusive relationship

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  • srbija08
    14 years ago

    theres something called The goverment you call popo's they will come and throw him in jail " Violence against women Australia says no" trust me his a phyco

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  • Justin_Case
    14 years ago

    You don't deserve his abuse
    You deserve better ,I wish i had
    a wife , He is so lucky
    I am very loving ,caring and affectionate
    I want marriage Plus , A baby(s) And a life long relationship , You need a new life But without him

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    • [Old Memory]
      14 years ago

      I agree so much with you. Unfortuantely, women like this dumb skank aren't looking for a decent guy. IF she actually leaves this guy, she will follow the tingle in her pants more than the logical part in her brain and go with another trashy, piece of shit. She will not look at a nice or a good guy, she won't talk to an ugly but kind man. No, she will talk to a well built, arrogant know-it-all first.

      I know because I have seen it before many times. Yes, its unfair but what can we do.

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      • [Old Memory]
        14 years ago

        What cave did you crawl out Bud the whatever? You insult, name call, malign and degrade a woman who is asking for help about an abusive husband? Thats reprehensible.

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        • tygeronherbed
          14 years ago

          hes so disgusting

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          • [Old Memory]
            14 years ago

            Yes, you get a good look here at how sick & warped he is.

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        • Jen118584
          14 years ago

          Wow, I just saw what he said. Gtfo this website, Bud. You're a horrible person.

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          • [Old Memory]
            14 years ago

            & @PF - yeah. He sucks people in with his infinite self pity, doesn't listen, & in reality is just a nasty piece of work.

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          • PoisonFlowers
            14 years ago

            ...I am speechless.

            Poster, please get out of there! You can't change him. It's time to stop looking to the past. Maybe you have fought against your family just to be with him and maybe when you feel in love with him, he was was caring towards you, but this is NOW and you don't have to suffer like this! You do no wrong in leaving him. Look up and call a domestic violence helpline. Do it now. You owe your husband nothing and yourself everything.

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  • Malfoy
    14 years ago

    I've gone through lots of childhood abuse (not sexual) myself. I don't feel bad for you though. HOW MANY FUCKING TIMES HAVE YOU SEEN EVIDENCE THAT MARRIAGE IS BAD?! If you love someone, you shouldn't try to show it by marrying. My gf and I are both happy unmarried, because we don't think marriage has anything to do with actual love. It's like buying a wedding ring or flowers. Money and commitment are fake substitutes for love.
    We're perfectly happy together, and we laugh at people who let their emotions do all the work rather than think a little bit.

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  • pinkishbliss
    14 years ago

    Well since you 'fought' with your family to get with him in the first place it is evident that they care about you. My sister went through the same thing with my mother and now she is just enduring the abuse because she is too stubborn to admit that she was wrong and leave him.

    Your family cares about you, you need to reconcile with them. You could try to get them to send you a ticket back to India or something.

    Don't endure the abuse. You do not deserve to be abused. No one does. You are a precious treasure that deserves to be taken care of.

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  • Psycho_Mantis
    14 years ago

    get out of that relationship as soon as you can and call the smokies, my ex got bashed up by her husband, and he used to treat her like shit, stupid ass wouldnt do it to her when she was with me cos he didnt have the bollocks to take me on, blokes that beat women are pieces of shit, who dont deserve to live, shoot the fuckers or stick them in with the pedos, let the great british prison sysytem beat those fuckers to death!
    in all seriousness get away from him before he really hurts you honey

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  • strangeorwhat
    14 years ago

    why did you get marreids at 22??! you need to say touch me again and it will be the last thing you touch!! call his family and tell them what he is doing to you!!embarrass him!! and then leave him!!

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  • LaMaraj
    14 years ago

    Words to know:

    NOTHING WARRANTS YOUR SPOUSE HITTING YOU.

    YOU ARE NOT ALONE.

    YOU DESERVE RESPECT.

    YOU HAVE A CHOICE.

    First, get that through your head. Realize that he will not change. You might think he changes, it's easy to think and want to believe it. So maybe he brings you flowers after he hits you and says sorry. Will that do much good if next time he's bringing flowers to your grave?

    Next, call a) the cops, b) a distress center like WEAVE or the National Domestic Violence Hotline (1-800-799-SAFE).

    Then, GET THE EFF OUT. You can deal with your family later. Take care of yourself first.

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  • Sxv123
    14 years ago

    Devorce him and sew him and charge him for assult

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  • Literocola
    14 years ago

    Use the force and run to dagobah...

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  • rosa143
    14 years ago

    my fiance is the nicest guy in the world i fought like hell with my family to be with him and assured my parents that i would be in a great place i quit school left my family and got engaged....when i piss him off he goes way beyond limits...but its because i piss him off if im nomal and nice to him he is the same way with me...

    maybe your husband is a nice guy with an anger problem...i think talking to him differently maybe changing your tone can fix the poblem rather then calling the cops and locking up someone you love

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    • [Old Memory]
      14 years ago

      You make it sound like you are responsible ("when I piss him off").

      IMO if your partner is violent get out. You are not responsible for anything but your own safety and well being. The violent person is the one with the great big problem.

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      • CarlWinslow989
        14 years ago

        Your husband may be the one people are always going to blame solely, however; realize that your actions probably contribute to this in some manner too. Do you have what psychologists like to call the "honeymoon period?" Is everything great between you two after one of these outbursts occur only to follow the same cycle later on?

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        • armybabe
          14 years ago

          bullshit. i dont care what a woman does, it is NOT okay to be beat for it. any man that hits on a woman is just too pussy to hit a man.

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  • russellnb
    14 years ago

    When he is not angry and things are going well tell him that the next time he hits you will be the last and if he hits you leave. There are places that will help you find one first so you know where you are going. People who love do not hit

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  • G_love
    14 years ago

    i dont know why people are saying its not normal, it acutually happens very often (not saying that makes it normal) but, its not safe, that's not how you show love no matter what. you need to get away and show him your not scared.

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  • [Old Memory]
    13 years ago

    Buy a gun and shoot that ducker dead

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