He twists things and says i accuse him

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9 Comments

I've been going with my guy for 6 years, he cheated on the woman he was with before he met me. Seems he uses me to do his work, take care of him when he's sick, help him in difficult times, and when things got better for HIM he said, "Don't answer my phone, I may be dating." When I said Il leave him, he said he was just kidding. So I stayed, only he made me take all my clothes out of his house to my last boby pin and hair brush. Said he wants to see me at his house on weekends and I can do the laundry and cook for him and shop, and we go out, and during the week he wants his house to himself to come and go as he pleases.
Lately he's been deleting all his outgoing and incoming phone calls. But he wants to hang on to me, of course I do a lot of his work for no money, I give him sex even though he's impotent. We go to church and other cultural groups together. But I think he's cheating on me during the week. I found a PHONE number on his phone and drove by the girls house and his car was in front of her house!!!
He is narcissistic, all he cares about is him and his work.
I am finding it difficult to pull away from him and break the relationship, my excuse to myself being that I never caught him with another woman. But I don't trust him! What is the answer, how do I know when to leave him, or if this is something he's going through and if it will get better? I feel like crying, and at my age I shouldn't be playing with something like this. He's only a man, and I know that, but somehow I need him to love me. I can't pull away.

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Based on 25 votes (5 yes)
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Comments ( 9 )
  • RoseIsabella
    9 years ago

    Honey girl child, he sounds like a lyin' two timing, cheater if ever I saw one. Just leave him be, girl. Give him the ice cold shoulder, but not to manipulate him or get him to come around.

    Big Rosie gonna tell it like it is, girl. That ole hound dawg wants to have his cake and eat it too and you bakin' him a new cake every week like it ain't no thang. He's using you and treating you like a slave. The more you put up with his bull the less self respect you gonna have, girl, til there's nuthin left of that part of your soul.

    I know it hurts and you scared to be alone, but he's making a fool out of you. You gotta free yourself from this bondage of what you're mixed up in with that user man. As my Colombian mother would say, "THAT IS NOT LOVE"!

    Love yourself, don't waste your life.

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  • Petrichor.
    9 years ago

    A relationship means nothing if you can't trust the one you're with. Although he does not deserve anyone's trust, in my opinion, so don't think I'm suggesting that you trust him. You don't have to catch him with another woman, he has a record behind him; he's a cheater. If you remotely suspect that he's cheating on you, that's because he is.

    Even if the excuse is for yourself, you must stop making it up. I think that's part of the trick you're playing on yourself: you've tricked yourself into believing that you need him.

    "What is the answer, how do I know when to leave him, or if this is something he's going through and if it will get better?"

    I don't know the guy so I can't tell you if he's going through something or not. I don't even know for fact that he's cheating on you, but from what you told us (provided you're not holding anything back) I have good reason to think that he is. But I can tell you this, if you ever want to truly be happy with your lover and not worry about his phone or cheating, you'll have to find someone else. It won't be easy, but you must stop letting him disrespect you. Standing up for yourself will be the best decision you'll ever make in this relationship.

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  • Sog
    9 years ago

    How do you know when to leave him? Seriously??

    It sounds like he's already ended the relationship and downgraded you to his personal maid and mistress.

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    • Laurie
      9 years ago

      It sounds like you got it right. But this is him, this is the way he was with the woman he was with for 23 years. He was more real with me, but lately, since I took him through his last surgery and stood by his side during his last business venture that he couldn't hold together, I think he thinks he doesn't need me anymore, or he does to use me, but wants to play around with other woman. He's hyperactive and narcissistic, but I didn't realize to what extent until lately/

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  • Laurie
    9 years ago

    I work in sales near where he lives and I called and asked to use his bathroom a few months ago, it was during the and he said no, I want my house to myself during the week, go to the Holiday Inn or Dunkin Donuts.

    This morning I called him and said I needed to use his bathroom and he said come over and have a cup of coffee, but there were two cups on the sink when I got there 5 minutes later. One was his, and another one with water in it like it had just been washed. like someone else had been there and maybe there was lipstick on it!

    I'm getting to hate him, I think he is sneaking girls in when I'm not there, but whenever I mention it to him he says I'm paranoid and I cause trouble.

    What is the Stockholm syndrome? Why would you find his surgery the best time to leave him, because he deserves to be dropped on his ass for using me?

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  • Laurie
    9 years ago

    Thanks for all your caring comments. I've done some research and I'm coming to the conclusion that he's a narcissist. I also forgot to mention that he has to go in for surgery next week and I gave him my word that I would stay down his house and take care of him after his short hospital stay.
    I hear what you're all saying to me - that he's using me and I agree, though I still find it hard to break away. It's like, well maybe he's not cheating, maybe he's not lying...
    No one in my life has ever given me guilt because I've always done what I thought was right, and I gave my word I would take care of him after surgery. I don't want to break my word, unless I find him with another woman before that. But I'll admit that my patience with him is wearing thin. I love the man, I think he is a mentally sick man, and I'm kind of stuck.
    Youre answers have helped me a lot, seeing it through someone else's eyes. I'm just not sure what to do now with his surgery.

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    • KeepsakeDoll
      9 years ago

      Forget him. I know how hard it is to break away from a bad relationship because of the 'I don't see any evidence of him cheating on me' thing, but it's just unhealthy.

      People in unhealthy relationships tend to have shorter lifespans. You're going to be the one who suffers in the end. Also, your case honestly sounds like some sort of stockholm syndrome.

      You have the patience of a freaking saint. You deserve someone better and who will treat you well. As for the surgery thing, I'd personally find that as the best time to leave him >.>

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  • handsignals
    9 years ago

    GF he is a D.O.G dog! You gotta lose that zero and get yourself a hero. You go GF:)

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  • [Old Memory]
    9 years ago

    If you stay with him and something bad happens it will be your fault because it's obvious he isn't good for you.

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