He's mad at me for small stuff

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14 Comments

Is it normal for my husband to get mad and yell at me for certain things I can't control like feeling hot because it's the summer time or asking him to speak up because I cannot hear him. He seems so aggravated, yells at me, tells me to get my ears checked and just acts like a str8 ass. Then he apologizes saying he doesn't want to fight even though it wasn't a fight he's just attacking me. IIN??

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Based on 31 votes (3 yes)
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Comments ( 14 )
  • SpongeBobSquareBants
    6 years ago

    Ever heard "you can't fix men?" As a man, you can, but it's not like you're going to talk to him and he'll change. Most likely he'll change to please you (from the description you gave) and then revert after a month or so. During that month you'll have reset your fuse and have forgotten that you were on the verge of leaving, giving him a brand new slate to be a cunt on.

    Trust me, this guy sounds like a prick, you even describe him as 'a str8 ass'. Weird abbreviation in the midst of an otherwise grammatically accurate paragraph aside, why would you be with this guy when you think of him as such?

    Furthermore, you say he "yell at me for certain things I can't control", this is prime example 'A' that this guy is going to continue to be problematic. Instead of facing a situation, he passes blame on to someone just so that he can have someone to complain to about it. He isn't facing responsibility. He should speak up, but he doesn't, he blames you for not listening enough. This kind of behavior is a big problem, especially if he gets fired or develops an illness, because it will be much, much worse than being hot, and who do you think is going to be treated that much, much worse as a result?

    Look at this situation as if it were happening to your friend, would you tell her to stay or leave? You're decision is as simple as that.

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    • youwillgotohell
      6 years ago

      very well said, i don't think i could have said it any better!!

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      6 years ago

      First off sorry for the bad word abbreviation SpongeBob, I'll do better next time. But as for the topic... He made a comment last month that he may need anger management but when I bought it up afterwards he just casual acted like he was joking. He does seem to sometimes have issues with blowing up at silliness ie. Leaving work if one of his coworkers says something he doesn't like...When we first got together he was really sweet and considerate but now I'm seeing a lot of passive agressive behavior and pettiness but I also see a lot of loyalty and he seems to have a good heart. I completely understand what you said about him relapsing after a month or so but I do want to make it work with him.

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      • SpongeBobSquareBants
        6 years ago

        I was kidding about the abbreviation...

        The fact that he seemed good at first, it's like he wanted to impress you. It's like I said about the relapse, he will act differently to keep you and then revert back to his actual personality. This is probably what he did during the first part of your relationship.

        Next, you seem to think that him mentioning that "he may need anger management" is some kind of glimpse that he is a great person. Notice that word "may"? That's him dodging responsibility about his own statement. It's a weasel word, they are frequent in the news; that way they can do exactly what your husband did; pretend it was just conjecture or humor when it isn't followed. Again, the fact that he considered it a joke means that he doesn't take it seriously, he most likely isn't even recognizing it as a problem. I'm guessing that the context was along the lines of him overreacting (to a lesser degree than you described as average) and calming after a minute, using the 'joke' to try and diffuse the tension that arose. Again, this is him trying to get on your good side. He probably knew he just looked like a tosser and decided to improve his image a little by using humor. Unfortunately, he didn't realize that it wasn't taken as joke in the first place, because he doesn't see his average interaction as something requiring management.

        I'm not judging that you want to make it work. I'm actually someone who believes that love will out, and that if two people are happy that they are entitled to be left alone by people who disagree with their pairing. But you aren't happy. Look at your tone in the post, you think of this guy as badly as I do, you've just embellished it with a few vague things, that people casually hearing would dismiss as 'good enough' reasons for staying. The reason you've embellished it? Because you still try and think of him as the man he was when you first met him, you're suffering for his memory, not his presence.

        So go ahead and stay, try and make it work. Just know that you can set a timer on your phone from the moment you tell him you aren't happy and as soon as the first month elapses, he will have changed. He may even start reverting sooner, in subtle ways that you don't notice until someone points to them. I said above from a reasonable guess (based purely on your description) that as soon as things go wrong at work or times get hard he will take it out on you.

        I really hope for your sake that I'm wrong.

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  • Cuntsiclestick
    6 years ago

    This person is a child. You shouldn't bother dealing with his tantrums. Leave this person.

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  • NashamaTheWeird
    6 years ago

    It sounds like he has anger management issues. Anger management therapy for him and couples therapy for both of you could be worth a try.

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  • JohnMcBain1967
    6 years ago

    Anger from a guy towards a woman shows that he's in pain and has psychological issues. Get him some psychological counselling so he can get his crap together or get rid of him. Life is too short to get caught with your pants down being with a worthless cock sucker who doesn't deserve you

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  • UnicornGirl22
    6 years ago

    He probably is depressed or has anger issues. Can I kill him then cook his dead body and eat it?

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  • MR.mr
    6 years ago

    These are likely the symptoms of larger issues he's having difficulty communicating to you about

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  • RoseIsabella
    6 years ago

    Maybe start planning an exit strategy?

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  • Handyman
    6 years ago

    With tantrums like a kid, leave him.

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  • dirtybirdy
    6 years ago

    This guy sucks.

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  • bubsy
    6 years ago

    All anger comes from pain, and likely your husband's pain has little to do with you and everything with himself. You should try to get him to sort himself out—it's the only way he'll improve.

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  • Ellenna
    6 years ago

    He's a control freak and it doesn't matter how often he apologises he won't change while you put up with this bullshit. You deserve better

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