He has to blame me for everything!!

8% Normal
16 Comments

My husband is a blamer!! Every single thing that happens has to be blamed on someone, usually me.

Much of the stuff he blames on others is so triaial, I wonder why he does it at all!!

If the store is crowded, he blames me for wanting to go there. If an item is sold out at the store, he says he "told me to get it last time we were there", and many times I didn't buy it last time because I didn't have the extra money. Now, if I had bought it last time and we ended up not being able to afford a necessity later on, guess what?? I'd be blamed FOR buying it!!

Another example, I asked him to help me clean up the house real quick before we left. He was throwing shoes towards the bin that I keep them in and in doing so he knocked over my full can of soda I had sitting on the coffee table. Well, he blames ME for the soda getting spilled because I had asked him to help me clean up!!

There's many, many more examples I could give from minor to huge, but I'll spare you, kind readers!

I don't get it, why does everything have to be a blame situation with him?? Much of the situations aren't types in which most people would feel a need to blame anyone!! When there IS place to blame, he always tries to blame everyone but himself (the shoe incident)!!

Is this degree of blaming a normal personality trait?? It's infuriating!!

Voting Results
8% Normal
Based on 158 votes (13 yes)
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Comments ( 16 )
  • Inspector019
    13 years ago

    Narcissism

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  • ck38
    13 years ago

    Sound like he has issues accepting personal responsibility. I would be so irritated by what he is doing to you. I don't think this is normal behaviour at all. Can you talk to him about it? Maybe he doesn't even realise he's doing it. Hope it gets better.

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  • IDontAskMuch
    13 years ago

    His narcissistic.

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  • starkitty
    13 years ago

    hey, just tell him it's his fault you're all stressed out

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  • CountryRoads
    13 years ago

    God that kind of immaturity would drive me up a wall.

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  • unsure106
    13 years ago

    He is insecure, as are all men to some degree (sorry). If he gets angry during these blame situations, then it would be less normal. Blaming can turn into verbal abuse. If you have mutual friends, ask a friend to discuss this with him. If he is not getting angry (just annoying you) trying making a joke about it (this may take time to catch on). Also try padding his ego when things go wrong and focusing on how good he is at fixing things. Then he won't have time to blame, because he will be focusing his energy on being the alpha male.

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      13 years ago

      He does get angry! I think you're right and he is using this as a form of verbal or mental abuse. Half the time, it's just deflecting blame and not accepting responsibility and the other half it's a game to him. For example, just yesterday we were at the mall and he saw some video games he wanted. They are expensive and it's about summer time so I agreed to let him pick one to buy and that was it for a while. He agreed. OK then came the mind games. He tries to get me to pick one of the 2 he wanted-he does this all the time and I knew what he was doing, he wanted me to pick the game so he could later on blame me if the game sucked. I don't play video games at all, period, so I know nothing about them. I have literally zero input of value and he knows it, his motives for making me pick were clear to me-to be able to blame me for the choice, and possibly by blaming me for a bad choice be able to weasel his way into getting another game after we agreed on just one game for a while.

      It went even further than this too. He had a fit because I refused to pick one so he went to another store and picked some used cheap old game and again asked my opinion on it. I knew what he was doing, he thought I would tell him to get it just because it was so cheap-I knew he didn't actually want the game because it had been out for a long time and he never expressed interest in it so I knew it was some kind of ploy. Either he wanted to be able to buy it and come back at me and say that it was so cheap that he should be able to get one of the other expensive games too or blame me for picking a cheap crappy game when he really wanted the more expensive one, and use this to make me feel bad for him and wear me down untill I gave up and let him get the other game.

      It's all so gaddamned stupid and ridiculous!! I've confronted him about it several times and he knows I know what he's doing but it does no good. I guess I'll try to get him to come to counseling with me now that I know that this is very abnormal behavior. I really wasn't sure how normal or not normal this was till I asked!

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      • [Old Memory]
        13 years ago

        Are you kidding me?How old is your husband? Coz if he is anything older that 12 then no that is not normal at all. Playing pathetic little mind games like that to get a video game? I personally love video games, but that is just ridiculous. I vote councilling too.

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      • unsure106
        13 years ago

        Yes! Please do seek counseling. This type of behavior can easily escalate! He may not realize how much this affecting you, or he may be under other types of stress that he does not have a proper outlet for. A counselor can be a good moderator to work out these issues, and if neccessary to tell you when you need to take more serious action. Also, consider keeping a short diary of these instances - particularly when anger is involved. In some states this type of diary is admissable in court documents (hopefully it will not come to this, but too many women get burned because of insufficient evidence). You can also call a domestic abuse hotline if you do not know what to do or if something qualifies as abuse. Good luck to you.

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  • wreckd
    13 years ago

    I think he knows these things are his fault but he's rebeling against his own carelessness. Instead of you getting angry first and blaming it on him, he doesn't give you a chance by reacting to it first himself.

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  • ihaveapenisinmyshoe
    13 years ago

    He sounds mentally ill. My brother does the same things and he has bipolar. It's not normal for someone who's not mentally ill and I would leave him if I were you. It's just not worth it.

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  • rayst
    13 years ago

    If you genuinely love him try to gently speak to him about it, if not, dump him. I couldnt go out with such a blamer, unless shes really good in the bed

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  • DannyKanes
    13 years ago

    Ahh, yes, the joys of getting married huh?

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  • dappled
    13 years ago

    He sounds really insecure and like he hates to be judged for anything so he blames it on someone else before anyone thinks it's his fault. I have someone like this in my life too. It's not a lot of fun, is it?

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  • chicken471bologna
    12 years ago

    GET A DIVORCE!!!

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  • georgienne
    13 years ago

    Leave. Dont bother talking to him about it; he's being arrogant.

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