He didn’t comfort me at her grave

9% Normal
20 Comments

Yesterday I went to my little sisters freshly dug grave, bare in mind she was only buried on Friday. At first I was able to hold myself together, but soon as I saw her name on that plaque I completely lost it. My heart broke there & then. I couldn’t stop crying, I was so heartbroken, he just stood there & did nothing. Now a normal person would have comforted me put their arms around me or just said a few kind words to me to calm me down. He just stood there. He did nothing & I’m so disgusted by what he’s done, now I’m walking away from him.

Voting Results
9% Normal
Based on 11 votes (1 yes)
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Comments ( 20 )
  • darefu
    2 years ago

    Sorry about your loss, but you didn't say who he was in relationship to you.

    If he was your taxi driver or even just an acquaintance they may not feel they could cross that boundary. I would have but a lot of people won't.

    Depends on closeness of relationship.

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  • Tommythecaty
    2 years ago

    Some people shut down when seeing somebody in an emotional state, it doesn’t mean they don’t care.

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  • [Old Memory]
    2 years ago

    Your miseries are your problems not someone else's.

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    • hauntedbysandwiches
      2 years ago

      This comment is insensitive

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      • [Old Memory]
        2 years ago

        As the saying goes: "Laugh, and the world laughs with you; weep, and you weep alone".

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        • techpc
          2 years ago

          That's like saying, "that's just how it is" when somebody asks you why you did something. You choose how you act. Each other individual person also chooses how they act.

          We lack context. If "he" is some random person, then I can understand not wanting to get dragged into somebody else's life. If he's OP's brother, spouse, or friend, then there is the expectation to at least do something.

          It's not true that OP's miseries are only theirs. Ever heard of parents? Other possible siblings? The little sister's friends? What are you even talking about?

          As the saying goes, "Damn boy you are speaking some dumb ass bullshit"

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          • hauntedbysandwiches
            2 years ago

            Exactly well said

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          • [Old Memory]
            2 years ago

            Your post has reformed me, I'm shedding crocodile tears for the op.

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    • idolomantis
      2 years ago

      Basically true, this attitude just doesn’t translate well to interpersonal relationships. Most people simply like to be recognized when they are in pain, particularly by the people who are dearest to them. There is nothing wrong with this.

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  • Inkmaster
    2 years ago

    Maybe he thought you wanted space. Some people prefer to grieve alone.

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  • hauntedbysandwiches
    2 years ago

    Good that's not a partner worth keeping

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  • jrbsportz
    2 years ago

    First I'm sorry for your lost.second You go girl! As a man it's are job to protect and comfort our ladys in ever aspect of life physically, mentally and emotionally. He didn't do it cause to me he's not into to you and I'm sorry,go find a real man that's will love you in good, bad an sad times of your life, cause you are beautiful and sexy and you dont need that piece of shit of a man just saying from hard rock dude

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  • KatieMae36
    2 years ago

    I was in a car accident once before a friend's birthday party and still made it to the party later. Everyone was around me asking me if I was okay. I asked him later why he didn't say anything or even get up out of his chair to greet me and he said "I didn't want to get in your face like everyone else did." 4 years, countless mistreatments, and a divorce later; please. Fucking. Run.

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  • SwickDinging
    2 years ago

    Who is he? Father? Husband? Brother? Son? Friend?

    I feel like that matters here.

    Sorry for your loss. Nobody expects to have to grieve a younger sibling.

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  • jethro
    2 years ago

    Who is "him"?

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  • olderdude-xx
    2 years ago

    I'm sorry for your loss... It is a very difficult time. My best friend in High School died suddenly (committed suicide due to how is father treated him for something that was no fault of his), and no one really consoled me when I was in the deepest grief. Not even my mother - and it turned out decades later that she did not know that I was going through a lot of grief and sorrow that evening, or she would have been there for me.

    You have not identified who "he" was and what the relationship (if any) is or was.

    Even if he was close... He may have had his own grief and struggles with the situation - and was emotionally not able to respond as well.... and perhaps wondering why you did not hug or talk to him about his grief.

    If he was a total stranger, then he may have felt that it was not his position to console you based on various professional rules of conduct - or past experiences in trying to that went south (so to say).

    I do feel for your loss and for the struggle you are going though.

    Please consider what the other person may have also been going through....

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  • bigbudchonger
    2 years ago

    That's not a good reason to walk away. Maybe he is just not very good at that kind of thing and didn't know what to do.

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  • RoseIsabella
    2 years ago

    First off I want to say that I'm truly sorry for your loss, dear heart! Secondly, I want to invite you do a more thorough investigation of his behavior, and whether, or not he's there for you. The thing about grief, and grieving is that it's different for everyone, and unfortunately some people are kinda awkward about trying to comfort others.

    I would try to look at this more broadly, and ask myself whether he's been there, or not at other times as well.

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