He choked me

I know it sounds straightforward but he's really not an aggressive person - I've done bad things when I've been drinking before too so I can understand. I feel like if I had flinched or acted scared or upset when he was coming at me he would have stopped, he was just battered and wanted a reaction from me because I was being really cold and superior. He's never been possessive, controlling, jealous, manipulative, any of the warning signs - except for this one incident when he was incredibly drunk and maybe two other times where he's pushed me when he's been drunk (not out of the blue like this, but for example one time I was wasted and we were fighting and I wouldn't go into the flat so he shoved me inside).

I'm sorry for the long-ass comment, I'm really confused because I don't want this to be the start of anything, I REALLY DONT WANT TO GET MURDERED LOL. But I really love this guy and I know how much he loves me so I don't want to leave him if there is any chance it was a one-off. I am generally a rational person and I can't tell if my judgment is clouded because of my love for him.

the brass tacks are in the fucking title, the details are in the fucking story

:)

You have wisdom, yet you still rely on many pre-conceived notions. Your time has passed you by.

Give up your wisdom old person. It isnt worth an "online" identity.

I appreciate your comment, I've seen your comments elsewhere on here and I think you're one of the more sensible, balanced people on IIN so I really appreciate your advice.

My boyfriend and I talked about it at length afterwards, he was frightened too and said he couldn't believe it had happened, he never would have thought he would do that. I know he really, really doesn't want to lose me and doesn't want anything like that to happen again. He's a good person, even if he does have some violence in him as you suggest - he's a reasonable, affectionate, intelligent, loving man and he wants our relationship to work so badly. He does have a few issues from his past and it is possible he does have some anger in him, I know he would never hurt me while sober but it is possible that when he loses control when drinking that anger has the potential to come out.

He did say he didn't realise that choking was dangerous and said that in his drunk brain he thought it was no more dangerous than when he puts his hands round my throat sometimes when we have sex, he admitted he wanted to scare me at the time (which isn't great) but I do believe him when he said he didn't realise how risky it was and thought it was more of a frightening gesture than something that might actually hurt me. We have a very close, honest relationship and I am certain that if he had intended to hurt me at the time he would have admitted it afterwards and owned up to it. I think he made a huge mistake and clearly has problems controlling his anger when he's too drunk.

Do you think him having therapy or anger management might be more appropriate than walking away?

Amen to that, Sick Toad! Weed should be decriminalized!!!

I've only ever dated one guy, about eight and a half years ago, who openly stated he was interested in something like swinging. He was probably the worst codependent and controlling(or attempted to be controlling) person. His name and picture are literally in the little black book of my life of exactly what I don't want in a person! I'm kinda embarrassed to say that my relationship with him was one of false intimacy based entirely on sex, basically a complete waste of my time, emotions and energy, not to mention he was a non animal lover. I'm glad I have a man in my life now, but should I end up alone again non animal lovers who drink too much are dudes whose names I don't wanna know and faces I don't wanna see.
;-)
LEGALIZE WEED!!!
☆☆☆☆☆☆

Can't reply to people's responses to my statements. Just doesn't work for some reason, it is stupid.