Have you ever been confused about your identity?

I had an identity crisis after I had my daughter and moved in with her dad. Being an artist, I really have to understand myself so my work went kind of stagnant during this time. I did a lot of work referencing my family, even when it was abstract. That is all good, but it wasn't me. My hair was its natural color for the first time in 7 years, my clothes were bland and I quit wearing makeup for a little while. Even though it was "natural", it wasn't me. I started listening to country music pretty regularly and I learned to fish because my boyfriend loves fishing and was pretty passionate about country music for a while. That was fine, but I realized I'd rather sit and look at the sky than wait for nothing to bite my hook and I only like country music like 3 times a year.

Rediscovering myself was difficult and it took a couple years, but it was worth it. I was so sure I knew everything about myself until my surroundings changed. It's surprising how much more there is to the self when it grows.

Yes, when I was a child I never thought about who I am and had no idea what I wanted to do with my life (I never had any idea of a 'dream job' or anything). There was a period then when I (thought I) had myself figured out and tried to change myself. And now, I'm just confused about many things...I feel like I am too many conflicting things at the same time and I want to be too many different things, I have several conflicting opinions about things and I constantly argue with myself. I have very low will power and it's hard for me to control what I do rather than just drift along and this is causing a lot of frustration. I don't know what about me is the original me and what is artificial (if anything).

In what way?

I don't have time to have an identity crisis. I'm in a perpetual state of chaos,
trying to find stability,
amidst chronic change. So in a sense I'm just going with the flow but I know that one of these days all of these feelings of having absolutely no idea who I am will burrow to the surface and completely absorb me.

But does that mean if mean if mean?.

Then mean might if if if mean?..

Can the possibly be a mean if mean if?

There isn't a time I'm not.

Why else am I on this site? Well, apart from the awesome community.

Who am I? What am I doing here? More importantly..who the fuck are you and why are you in my house??

I sometimes think about some of the decisions I've made and I don't believe I'm the same person anymore and then I wonder will I feel the same way a few years down the road.