Guy friend/crush is often “hot & cold”?

5 Comments

So I’ve been crushing on my guy friend for a while now. We met online, and we play games together. He’s done stuff like send me messages such as: “Good morning! <3” as well as ask for my picture more than once. The first pic I sent had a SnapChat filter on it (I didn’t know why he wanted one) and then he requested 2 more pictures (without filters)

So when I confessed, he rejected me, which surprised me, but I accepted it. I did however ask him why he wanted multiple pics of myself. To which he got defensive, and wouldn’t answer the question. It took me 3 times of asking him to answer, to which he finally did. His reason was “I wanted to see what you looked like after you sent me the filtered pic, and I really wanted to see what you looked like from different angles”. This... Still confuses me lol

He claims his best friend (who’s a guy) regularly sends him pictures on Snapchat, so there was literally no reason behind why he wanted pics (except to see what I looked like from different angles lol)

Another thing that happened, is that before I confessed to him, he unfriended me (tho he added me back once I sent him a friend request)

I recently asked him what was the reason behind the unfriending, and he told me he “unfriended me, because I was clingy, but then I suddenly stopped talking to him”.

I explained to him I was going through a rough time in my life, which he accepted, but what bothers me is: I feel like I’m always making a bad decision. Because I was never clingy (we’re friends, so I would message him the same amount as my other friends) but I feel if I don’t reply to his messages right away, he’s gonna be pissed off...

Oh! And. Should probably note. He went through a really bad breakup, that he’s still getting over (I recently found this out)

He even told his friend he doesn’t want to be in a relationship due to stuff that happened to him in the past (idk if this is related to his ex or not)

Basically, is this normal for a guy to act this “Hot & Cold”? I have no problem with rejection and moving on, but these 2 things have been bothering me...

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Comments ( 5 )
  • Tealights
    4 years ago

    This is absolutely normal for an immature guy.

    Basically, he wanted pictures so he can show his friends how you look like and masturbate to you in private. He unfriended you after you confessed because he having flashback of his previous relationship, so right now all women are the same as his ex.

    The boy is just hurt and not ready to move on from his ex yet. He'll probably go through the typical "I hate women cause they all the same," phase and develop abusive habits, or he'll grow the fuck up, which will probably take years of his life. Don't baby-bird him and feel as though you need to nurse him back to health, this is a battle he needs to fight solo otherwise you're going to be a victim of friendly fire A LOT, and it'll be worse than unfriending or giving you the cold shoulder.

    My suggestion: Stop talking to him, but I know that's not what you're going to do so the alternative would be to keep your distance. Basically, reduce him to an acquaintance, and don't give him as much attention as you would a true friend. Focus on your other friends, join new guilds without him, play new games without him, and more. You don't have to be cold to him, but just give him space to figure out his girl troubles, because it sounds like he still loves his ex but really mad at her, and you don't want to be a rebound for all that anger.

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  • AndrewJacksons4thgrandniece
    4 years ago

    That is normal for a guy. This happened to me, and he called me names like babe and shit and so I assumed he had feelings for me since we factimed every night, but then I realized he was using me for nudes, so I stopped talking to him, and THEN he claimed her had feelings for me.

    Guys can be shit, so if hes treatin you like that... he aint worth yo time

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  • feedbackloop1
    4 years ago

    Such people are a sure no-no. You waste so much of your emotional energy on them. But our minds sometimes like people who don't give us the importance or respect we deserve. So it is difficult to get over, especially when your life is running bad.

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  • CDmale4fem
    4 years ago

    Save your energy, your emotional stress, and all the heartache to come. You can find better friends to associate with than someone wanting to play games so much. It seems to me he's playing yoyo with you to see how long he can before your string breaks. So to speak.

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  • Nikclaire
    4 years ago

    It's not clear to me what you "confessed" but regardless it sounds like this is doomed and way too much work. If all these issues are already coming up then I would move on. Unless you like drama that is.

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