Growing feelings for step-daughter

It would be hard to see a counselor or someone without them potentially having to report it. Somewhere along the way your feelings got confused between providing for her and being loving/affectionate with being romantic/sexual. You need to look deep within yourself to identify what it is about yourself and your own life that this girl makes you feel better about and once you know that you can work on dealing with those things in a healthier way. Is it because she depends on you while her mom is maybe more self-sufficient? Stuff like that. Give this much thought and be honest with yourself and then start addressing those triggers before something bad happens. You owe that to your family. Best of luck to you.

I'm kind of proud of you for wanting to stop it, I don't know what to tell you though... You should start by stopping the kisses of not only the girl but also the boys. try not to cuddle so much if it makes you uncomfortable... I hope it all works out, good luck to you.

I always wonder how Bruce Jenner doesn't feel that way about the Kardashian sisters. As difficult as this may be it's imperative that you talk with a consoler or your pastor. I really don't believe you're a sick perve. The reason I don't think you are is bc u sound like u have self control not to act on these urges and are consciously aware of the consequences and damage acting on those can cause, plus you yourself are uncomfortable with these feelings. A sick pedophile would justify these emotions and find opportunities to act upon them. You have not put her in any danger and doesn't sound like you have any intention to. So therefore they wouldn't "report" you, however a friend or family member u talk to may. I don't think it's normal or healthy to have these feelings, but also again don't think your a creep bc of the aforementioned reasons. You cannot be the only stepfather ever in this situation and think by talking with a professional can help identify your feelings and ways of dealing and eliminating these emotions. Could be that you are starting to see a lot of your wife's personality in her, or subconsciously she has traits that reminds you of a first crush or girlfriend. From what you explained doesn't sound like it's a purely physical sexual attraction. Go see a professional, trust me an experienced counselor (including christian councilors) have seen and heard it ALL! You will get more out of talking to a pro than untrained advice on this app.

Don't do anything with her. Not only will it destroy the family, it will cripple her emotionally and mentally.

She probably doesn't even know she's being flirty or if she does, doesn't realise the true consequence of the behaviour.

Please resist the urge, she doesn't deserve her life to be destroyed in that way.

I think hugs are ok. Kisses, not so much. Tell her that she is getting older and doesn't have to act so childish anymore, like kisses and such. She will eventually stop acting like she is now, she is only 12. Her mind will soon change. And it is weird if a 12 year old boy would ask for a kiss don't you think? So there is no worries. There is a fine line between thinking you have sexual affection towards her, and just being a good father and loving her the way you should. It's great that you two are close, just don't trick your mind into looking at her as a appealing person. (if you know what I mean.)

I'm glad to hear things are becoming easier for you. I believe you did the right thing in the end. I wish you and your family all the best in the future.

Thank you for the constructive suggestions. I have found a counselor and have been working it out- the fact that I haven't done anything or plan to meant there was nothing to report.
According to the counselor, the attraction isn't that abnormal, but that it is something that needed to be addressed b4 she was older. After answering many questions about situations, the counselor thinks that my stpdghtr is becoming sexually curious and was sensing my attraction to her, which made her more flirty and sometimes act suggestively. I'm glad my impression that she was somewhat aware of her behavior was correct and that I wasn't imagining these things.
Anyways things are well - my wife and I discussed some of her daughters behavior and are working on ways to get her to be less clingy.

Cheers

WTF could you, a 37 year old man, have in common with a 12 year girl?!!! I don't care how old and mature she acts you have nothing in common. This is just so wrong.

12 is young...

You sick pedo

hit that man!!!!!!!

Are you Woody Allen?

Hats off for you. You're a gentleman. I wish my stepdad was like you..

Anyway, just follow the great comments written above. I salute you. Adios.

First, don't tell your wife she would never understand. Tell your step daughter that because she is getting older cuddling and excessive physical contact with adults has to be kept to minimum. If she looks sixteen, but is twelve would you want her behaving like that around other men? It's a part of getting older and it's just the way it is. She might be a bit sad, but it's better than you making the profoundly damaging decision to act sexual with her. And talk with a professional as well.

Umm try to avoid her

The people that said you should do her are sick, immature children. That's nasty. Well at least you know its not right. Don't know what you should do though

I agree with bones...What is your relationship with her mother like?Are you missing something and that is causing you to feel this way about the daughter? They are right above. You have to stop the kisses and cuddling because it is making things worst. Don't be a bad father but you will have to stop spending so much time together because it is confusing your feelings.You need distance and limitations.You need to say things to keep her from being flirty.You have to let her know you are not one of her friends at school. I wouldn't be surprised if she knew what she was doing. Your the adult so shut it down...However,you may still need to talk to someone.I mean would you rather get help for it or ruin a family?

Thank you to those with constructive feedback. To clarify, NOTHING inappropriate has occurred. These are thoughts and feelings that I am having that I know are wrong. I have no intentions of acting on them- I'm trying to find a way to eliminate them and to have a normal relationship with her. I hate that this is happening and don't understand why it is- until now I considered myself a 'normal' person..... Not so much now.

Thanks for the advice... You gonna do time for me? Looking for a solution that doesn't involve prison or destroying our family....

"actidently" get her to see ur p***s and see if she approves

implant a mind controlling chip in the top of her spine.

Yea, dont be a pedo. NOBODY likes a pedo! Their disgusting!

Pray and ask God to deliver you from that evil spirit. It's not you, so don't give in!

I know your struggle bro, a stepdaughter should give her stepdad whatever he wants, whenever he wants and be happy that she is doing what her mom is failing to do to keep the family together.

I went through the same thing with my stepdaughter. I raised her like my own since she was 5. I started to notice her developing body when she was around 12 too. She would walk around the house without a bra on with shorts. She had an amazing body by the age of 16. She was always very comfortable around me and would even put her legs on my lap while watching tv. I developed a serious infatuation with her that caused many issues. I started to feel jealous when men would stare at her in public. I even accused her of flirting with my own family members. The fact is, all men are attracted to young women and you have one right under your roof that admires you as a father. My SD started to notice my wandering eyes and told my wife. We all had a long talk and I denied everything. She is now 20 but I have learned to let her live her own life. These acts of jealousy made me realize that other people might notice my true feelings. I held back from acting on my feelings for years. I finally have been able to stop being an overprotective asshole and let her live her own life. Doing something to her would ruin my whole world. The embarrassment of dealing with family knowing would have destroyed me. The thought about doing jail time for crossing the line with her is the main reason why I always held back. Rapists and pedophiles have it pretty bad in prison.

Tell her that she is reaching a certain age where kissing and cuddling become somewhat inappropriate. Tell her to act more maturely in that sense and switch to high-fives and handshakes. Alienate yourself from her. I'm not telling you to be mean but just be a little less friendly. Put some space between yourself and her. If she sits too close, scoot over(in the opposite direction). She might get the feeling that you're mad at her for something. Deny it when asked. Deny that you're acting any different. It's better that she thinks you're mad at her rather than you thinking that she wants your dick(Which she does not!).

dude...thank god you found counsilling. I'm glad you are progressing but jesus christ

Good to hear things are looking up mate by the way the first guy who commented was a complete re14rd

Whatever you do, DO NOT give in to the urges. This will ruin your marrige with the girl's mom and scar the girl forever. When she asks u for a kiss or hug, pretend like u r distracted by somethin or that u didnt hear her and continue with wat u were doing like she didnt even say anything. Hope i helped!(:

Just b really really careful! Don't act on ur actions and try 2 discreatly talk 2someone about your feelings. Just remeber she's like your daughter so please please please don't become a pedofile! Good luck!

Maybe this is one of those times where you just have to do her to get her out of your system;)

The girl loves you. Let her love, but you have to set the limits. You are the grown-up. It is normal to have feeling for a girl like that. You can love her back, and show it. Just draw a clearly defined line that she, you and your surroundings accept.

I thinking like hugging her, kissing her, touch her. I light kiss on the lips are may OK but not heavly and no tongue. Not touch her on breast or genitalia.

My point is: define your borders first then show her all the love she needs.