Girlfriend and struggling with self image/reality

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10 Comments

So me and my girlfriend were talking one day. And I probably shouldn't have even brought it up but I was curious. I consider myself a very rational person and don't really put much feeling into things. I figure even if I heard the worse i could handle it. However, it came up and I asked my girlfriend if i would win in a fight with various people that we know. Now, I've never been in a fight in my life. Nor do i plan to. I don't pick fights. But I suppose I do care about my physical prowess to an extent and what it reflects about my "manhood". So anyway, she said that id lose most of them. She has also called me small and tiny outside of the conversation before too. Also, in one hypothetical match up, she called my opposition, "more of a man". And THAT was what really hit me. Of course I know she didn't mean to upset me. But it did. a great deal actually. Now i find myself feeling very inferior and incapable of doing "manly things" for her and protect her and such.

I'm 5'6" and 135 pounds. So yeah, I imagine her assessment is quite accurate. And I appreciate her honesty.

I feel like my conflict is that, she doesn't really care much for the macho muscle bound jocks. Which appeals to our relationship of course. However the image of myself seems to be out of line with that compatibility. I WANT to be "manly". I want to be able to bop the shnoz out of any threat to her or myself. I want people to view me as a "man". Nothing is stopping me from picking up the weights again and training in self defense of course. And I used to. But I fear that if I become physically fit and look tone and lean and my muscles show, that she wont be attracted to me anymore. and She has said that she doesn't like abs or a big chest or anything like that.

Is it normal to feel this way? And what kind of mindset should I have to conquer this? Should I satisfy the craving of my own self image or just accept myself and my lack of physical aptitude as she has? I feel very silly putting so much thought into this and getting so worked up.

Voting Results
73% Normal
Based on 22 votes (16 yes)
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Comments ( 10 )
  • DannyKanes
    9 years ago

    You can learn basic self defense without having to get "ripped" :)

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    • shuggy-chan
      9 years ago

      Or how to uppercut the nutsack

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  • TareBear20
    9 years ago

    You should never allow anyone to make you feel this way. No offense, but your girlfriend sounds like a terrible person. Why would someone say that? Honesty is key, but sometimes it is best to keep it to yourself and in her case, that is not the case. I'm sorry. It's verbal abuse, dude. Don't sell yourself short. You sound just fine to me. :/

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  • Incomplet
    9 years ago

    You don't have to use fists to win a fight.

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  • RoseIsabella
    9 years ago

    You are only one inch shorter and 10 pounds lighter than Bruce Lee, and he was more of a man than guys twice his size.

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  • [Old Memory]
    9 years ago

    even the shortest man is powerful , stronger , more stamina , cute :D

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    1 year ago

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  • helmut
    9 years ago

    you can gain a bit more muscle, you don't have to get BUFF. or start lifting, and tell her to tell you when she thinks it's enough

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  • Avant-Garde
    9 years ago

    Most women want a man that looks like and can protect her. It's something programmed in from evolution. You can start lifting weights and learning a martial art.

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  • megadriver
    9 years ago

    Dude, be handy around the house. Women like it when a man can deal with every problem. I fixed an oven relay at my girlfriend's house, repaired and oiled a fan, y'know DIY stuff.

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