Getting wet while talking about your own rape

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First, you need to understand that your genital response does _not_ mean that you want to be raped again, or that your body is telling you that you actually enjoyed it. It's common for women to lubricate during rape; that's a purely physical response. It's not unknown for women to have an orgasm during rape, and that's also a purely physical response. This can leave women feeling incredibly conflicted. On the one hand, they hated what was happening to them, and yet they also experienced physical pleasure. So they wonder if they secretly wanted to be raped, or they feel that their body betrayed them.

Sexuality researchers have found that the physical genital response of both men and women doesn't perfectly align with what they think they find arousing. This is called nonconcordance.

First, you have to accept that, while we all like to think we're civilised humans and completely in control of our bodies, sex is an ancient drive, and we all retain elements of our primitive animal ancestry in our brains. While we are responsible for how we act on our urges and how we respond to our bodies becoming physically aroused, women have no more control over their vaginal lubrication than men do over their erections.

To measure the relationship between what men _think_ they find sexually arousing and what the animal part of their brains finds arousing, researchers attach a man's penis to a sensor to measure his degree of erection, put a tray over his lap to obscure his penis, and then give him a knob to turn to indicate how arousing he finds a series of images and videos he's shown.

To measure the physical sexual response of a woman, researchers insert a probe that measures blood flow in the walls of the vagina (which is directly related to the amount of lubrication produced), then she does the same thing with a knob, turning it to indicate how sexually arousing she finds a series of images and videos.

Men have an average sexual concordance score of about 50%. In other words, about half the time their physical response matches what they're thinking and feeling about an image. So half the time, they start to become erect when looking at something they think they don't find arousing, or their penis goes soft when looking at an image they believe they do find sexy.

Women have an average sexual concordance score of about 10%.

In other words, nine times out of ten, vaginal lubrication does _not_ coincide with how sexually aroused the woman is feeling. Women often fail to get wet when they're in a situation they find very sexy and arousing; women often get wet in situations (or when thinking about situations) which they don't find arousing in any way.

Many women find their physical sexual responses confusing and troubling. If you want to understand yourself better, I suggest you consider reading "Come as You Are" by Emily Nagoski. It's a very positive book, and goes into nonconcordance in some detail, as well as many other areas of female sexuality which are well-established by research, but not generally known.

Nagoski points out that there is a difference between "sexually relevant" stimuli and "sexually appealing" stimuli. Vaginal lubrication often occurs when the woman is presented with (or thinks about) something that's sexually relevant, regardless of how sexually appealing the image, situation, or thought is. Your rape was very definitely "sexually relevant", so it's not surprising that your vagina lubricates when you talk about the event.

I know there have been articles and studies done on arousal ad orgasm DURING rape. But I am not quite sure about studies of this happening after the fact. There was a post in this section a few months back about a lady who climaxed during her rape. And it wasn't so much the individual was physically sexually excited, it was more the bodies own protection mechanism to prevent as much injury as possible by telling the brain to lubricate and orgasm in order to prevent as much injury to the vaginal area. I am sorry this happened to you and I hope you find the answers you are looking for and the help you deserve.

Did you enjoyed it? If yes then it wasn't a fucking rape or you are just fantasising.