Getting divorced and cannot stop second guessing myself

People always say, "it takes two to make it, and two to break it." Totally untrue: "One to break it" is more like it. If you're in an impossible situation which prevents you from moving on (like your wife's resentment), you can't stay stuck in her mire and evolve as a person. Regardless of what your ideals are, please get pragmatic about the situation: That is, is it healthy, happy, and worth all the work? If your answer is no, then .... there's your answer! More helpful, too, then dogmatic ideals.

Hell hath no fury like a women scorned. Most women turn into absolutely malicious monsters during break ups. They tend to go for the throat, the things you need and care about most and it's justified in their eyes because "ur a cheater". If divorce wasn't part of your ideals and infidelity was, she probably hates you because ur a big fat hypocrite.

As much as you want to fix "it", what would be the benefit of that. If she "hates you" and apparently has no forgiveness in her heart, you would both end up probably in domestic abuse charges or accusations. I was married while in the Navy, My wife tells me one day "I need more than one man in my life to make me happy," I couldnt get her shit packed fast enough. As much as you dislike divorcé to stay would be like asking someone to ridicule, harrass, yell, belittle, torture, and NOT Even love you. You would regret it I think, you would have a heavy heart while trying to justify to yourself and friends and family why in Gods name you would try and resolve and stay with someone who would probably treat cancer better than she will treat you. Fold up your tent, call it a week, save yourself.

Of course you are going to second-guess yourself after divorcing somebody you love. You have had a deep connection with that person for a long time and leaving them just like that isnt the easiest thing to do. Don't be so hard on yourself. A lot of people get divorced and regret it.

No offense to you or your religious preference but being a former Christian myself you've been pretty well conditioned to defy all logic and reason for wishful thinking. Its a shame based ideal and your probably afraid of admitting failure. I can respect what you choose to believe but a lot of it is the basis in which your mind is scrambling to "make it right". Maybe if you make it right you won't feel/be as guilty? You owe it to her for your self indulgence? Whatever the case brother if she can't forgive you so "god" has chosen. Don't sit and waste your life and all the potential good you could do and have with someone more understanding. You vowed.. I know, but fortunately your not god and are not obligated to perfection. You know what they say.. let go and let god. Fighting tooth and nail driving yourself into the ground is not being a "good Christian" either. If it were meant to be it would be.. if it's not then, you know. Time to go.. from your perspective the old is taken to make room for something better. Good luck brother

You only go around once. If it's that bad and coucelling doesn't work get out. You can only fix it of both of you want to.

You guys need counseling to work toward getting back to that point of RESPECTING each other as separate people again.

Marriage should never cause such anxiety. A therapist can help you navigate toward a happy conclusion that you both can live with.

You are a perfectionist methinks. And your wife is yanking your chains. You can't fix her. You can't make her love you. You can't make her a good companion. You can't make her an equal partner in providing an income. You can't make her not want to be a sit on her ass dependent.

While most of your marital problems seem to revolve around her intractable deficiencies, you take the fall for it. She is able to manipulate you this way because she knows your Christian values compel you to maintain a marriage at almost all costs. And even if it fails, you will completely blame yourself.

Your mean-spirited about-to-be ex wife is making a chump out of you. Your big mistake was to marry badly in the first place. It happens. Get over it. Cut her loose and get on with your life.

Have the two of you thought of trying counseling together? It might be a thought if you are so conflicted about divorce. You might also find out more about how she really feels...if she wants to make it work or if she really does hate you. Then you could go through with the divorce if counseling doesn't work, you know?