Friendship takes effort and i think i make too much effort...

So I'd like to know how much effort you make.

I think I make more of an effort to maintain my friendships than my friends do. I make sure I see them weekly. I remember all of their birthdays. I keep their secrets. I bake them cookies when they are blue. I invite them over for dinner. I return their texts promptly. I help them move. I listen to them talk without talking about myself constantly. Once in a while they do things like that for me, but it's sporadic at best.

I am 27 and female. What do you think about my dedication to friendship?

You are weird. 11
I'm the same as you. 16
I'm a dedicated friend only occasionally. 19
I don't understand the question. 4
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Comments ( 6 )
  • Queenofdacastle

    Don't be as giving..you sound nice but don't fully give yourself to someone. :)

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  • kelili

    You should stop being that nice

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  • MassiveNun:L

    I wish I had a friend like you :)

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  • dirtybirdy

    I was usually a better friend than my friends were. I still am and damn it I'm getting sick of it. I may snap one day. You'll see it on the news.

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  • Q:So I'd like to know how much effort you make.

    If you think you're making too much of an effort and your friends are not equally returning the effort then stop it - if you're not happy.

    Kind of a strange situation. You're a girl and I'm assuming some of these 'friends' are guys. Guys are the ones supposedly making more of an effort, lol.

    Here's the truth. Friends really don't mean much. They don't last and most of them won't be there for you if the shit hits the fan as they say. Also most 'friends' will be selfish and screw you over without any concern for you. For example if one of these friends is a girl and you have a guy you're dating she'll totally hook up with him and try to steal him away from you without any care about your feelings. I've seen this happen a million times on both sides of the guy/girl fence. Most people are inconsiderate selfish people and they take or accept what they want without any concern for others. To me it's very low class and disgusting but it's true.

    Ask yourself this :if you lost your job and suddenly become homeless and couldn't work (maybe due to health issues) how many of these 'friends' would take you in and support you for a year or two until you got your shit back together? And how many of your guy 'friends' would do that without trying to get on you?

    If you can honestly name the people that wouldn't take you in it's probably a good idea to stop hanging out with them cause they don't really care about you so you're wasting your time and everyone's time and effort is important.

    "I think I make more of an effort to maintain my friendships than my friends do."

    Ok if you know this then stop it :)
    Reduce the number of friends you have and or reduce the amount of time and effort you give them.

    "I make sure I see them weekly. "
    Why the heck would you do that?

    I have many friends it's not really possible or desired to see them every week or even every month.
    A person only has so much time and energy. If you're working or in school, or in a relationship I don't see how you'd have the time to regularly see all your friends every week. That sounds more like a pain in the ass/job than friendship ;)

    "I remember all of their birthdays. I keep their secrets. "
    That's you being a good friend :)

    But I hope you don't go buying all of your friends presents. That's retarded and not needed. I think if you feel you have to get a friend a present they really aren't much of a friend.

    "
    I bake them cookies when they are blue. I invite them over for dinner. I return their texts promptly. I help them move. I listen to them talk without talking about myself constantly. Once in a while they do things like that for me, but it's sporadic at best."

    You do sound like a good friend. Too bad your friends don't seem to value you or your effort. Maybe you're too available to them? Unfortunately many people take things for granted if things come too easy. It's due to lack of intelligence and consideration.

    "I am 27 and female. What do you think about my dedication to friendship?"
    I love your dedication to friendship, it's awesome. I'm sure you're an awesome girl BUT
    it sounds like you're spreading yourself to thin and trying to hard for too many people.

    You should be doing those kinds of things and being super awesome to your boyfriend but you probably don't have one.
    How could you? You spend all of your time and energy doing things for the leeches you call 'friends' ;)

    I would say stop going out of your way trying to make all of these people happy all the time because it doesn't make you happy and it's really 'not cool.' Notice I didn't say 'not fair'. It is fair because you're the one always willing to due whatever they need and you don't expect anything in return. STOP THAT. Stop being a carpet getting walked on.

    Next time one of your 'friends' asks you for a favor tell them you're sorry but you can't because you're busy doing ______. You fill the blank. Keep doing that for a while and see who's still your good friend. Then call them up and ask them for help with something and see if they help you for change. Also don't return their texts instantly all the time because that makes you look too accessible and people walk all over / don't respect others like that. That's probably why everyone calls on you first to help out. "Damn, got a flat tire... need to call Jen cause SHE'S GOT NO LIFE. I'm sure she'll help me *again*"

    Btw, if you do have a boyfriend you must drive him nuts because you're always treating everyone else so special but you're probably neglecting him. People that are mostly leeching off of you, needing help from you, etc. aren't really friends. They're users but it's your fault because you're the one offering to help.

    Ok, that's enough typing for now :)

    You can hit me up anytime for advice you sound like a great girl and one day you'll make a guy very happy.

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  • stay the same and make new friends

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