Friendless

I can't seem to make any real friends. I am able to talk to people in most situations. I get quiet sometimes, or don't know how to start conversations with some people. Although I do try, I usually ask a few questions and then don't know what else to say if the other person isn't talking. In some situations I am very out-going and the life of the party. In other situations, I am very quiet. People often say to me, "you are very introverted aren't you." Or times when I am very socialble, people will say, "We never knew were like this" but then they never invite me to hang out again. I may think that someone is my friend, but then they never want to do anything with me. I've thrown several parties lately and very few people come. I've always had a boyfriend or had an easy time conversing/entertaining men. But I can't seem to keep a friend that is a girl. I have close to 1000 friends on facebook, hundreds of people in my phone book. But if my boyfriend can't hang out with me one night, I end up spending the night alone. In college, my room-mates would go out together as a group, and not even consider that I would want to go out with them. If I showed interest in wanting to go, people would get awkward or make excuses. Sometimes I have to make up friends becuase I am embarrassed to tell my family or boyfriend that no one would come out or do something with me. I've had this problem since high school, and I'm now 25. Is this normal, or is there something wrong with me.

Voting Results
71% Normal
Based on 48 votes (34 yes)
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Comments ( 8 )
  • hardcandy

    Were you teased a lot in elementary/high school? I find a lot of people with this problem were. Something about knowing people didn't like you then translates into you thinking people won't like you now, giving off the "leave me alone" vibes.

    I always feel like a social misfit. I know people like me now, but unfortunately, my childhood was filled with so much torture that it made me not care whether or not people want to associate with me. I always had a boyfriend, but there's only 2 girls in my adult life that I would call a friend. Guys, on the other hand, I get along with very well!

    Honestly, most people suck anyway. I find groups of girlfriends very hard to deal with. As a teenager, it was because I was the cute new girl in school, and got loads of male attention. As an adult, I give off standoffish vibes. Then again, I don't care if I spend a Saturday night alone! I'm an introvert (most of the time..) and proud!

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    • mishkabunny

      Yay! Go introverts!

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    • unsure106

      I was never teased to my face. I went to a very small school, and for the most part, teasing was actually taboo. But I think that going to a small school has something to do with it, because I did not get the practice growing up of conversing often with people that I do not know.

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  • Riddler

    Well I can tell you what I do but it does not work in every situation. Every time they answer something ask more questions.

    Example:

    Speaker:Do you like cats
    Person:Yes I love cats
    Speaker: have you ever owned any
    Person:No
    Speaker:Well what do you like the most about them?
    Person:That they are so soft
    Speaker: I like that about them too, have you ever had any other pets?
    Person: Yes I have
    Speaker:What were they?
    Person:Oh I had 2 dogs, and a few rabbits but I no longer have animals
    Speaker:Oh why is that?
    Person:Well the rabbits died, and I had to get rid of my dogs when I moved. I am planning on getting another dog soon though. I'm moving into another house. Right now im living in an apartment but me and my girlfriend just had a baby.

    See its easy and it makes the person your speaking with feel like your listening. This works for me 90% of the time. However there is always instances where this is going to clearly fail.

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  • Dannicker

    First, make sure you are happy! If you love a quiet night in with yourself that is okay. If having a couple more friends would be nice, try asking open ended questions. Try to learn something from people you meet.
    Lots of tips in books like "how to make friends and influence people"

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  • mishkabunny

    Goodness, I am the same way. We should be friends! :P Really though, I like to have a good time with people, but I grew up with a built in friend (sister), and then had the same group of friends from middle to high school. They were very physical people (weird sounding I know) and a lot closer with each other than they were with me. I'm in college, and now realizing I haven't worked toward a friendship in years, and don't know how to maintain a lasting relationship with people. I can make friendly acquaintances, but there never seems to be a reason for anything beyond that.

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  • omerhadi

    Well honey !!!
    Why r u so worried to have many friends ??
    I'm 23 in the last 2 years I've met loads of ppl and many have became my friends and my simple life became so miserable to much drama and non sense form those (( FRIENDS ))
    My advice try to find one friend at a time ...
    Remember always be REAL !!!

    Xoxo

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  • chewy

    i think what you should do is start conversations more open up to people let them know who you are maybe then they will end up liking you,you never know unless you try

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