Friend who is a pathological liar and doesn't know it

8 Comments

over the past 6 or so months i have discovered my best friend is basically a pathological liar.

she has claimed to be in relationships with people, says she spends the weekends with them and they take her out for dinner, tells me about their sexual relationship and even gets right down to the fine details about the persons annoying room mate.

she has basically made up her whole life to me and my friends.

i had a small idea the whole time and thought things seemed a bit far fetched, but i ignored it until one of her "ex-boyfriends" contacted me sending me a picture of a girl i'd never seen before asking me if that was her. the cat was out the damn bag.

he has his suspicions the whole time too and couldn't take it anymore therefore contacting me. this time she was posing as a blonde bombshell and whenever she was going to meet up with him getting his hopes up, she would pull out at the last minute, even thought she didn't have any plans to do anything in the first place. with this person she also claimed to have had sex with a famous athlete.

that was around 3 months ago and now the second guy had turned up. this one she claimed to spend the weekend with, she told us about his sexual fantasies and she even took a morning after pill after their first night together. she dragged all of us on for a few months when we had to console her through their fights, even though he had never met her and the photos she send him were of a completely different person.

it got serious when she said that one of her "ex-boyfriends" cheated on her with my very very good friend.

this is also only half the story, there are more guys and more fantasies. i am between a rock and a hard place now. i have no idea what to do. she has still been a good friend to me over the years but i dont want to be friend with her if she continues to do this. i fell extremely betrayed. i just dont know how to go about it.

confront her 43
de-friend her 13
just ignore it 8
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Comments ( 8 )
  • iEatZombies_
    10 years ago

    Like bugs said, it's a mental illness. Though it's more like bi-polar or manic depression. She can't just stop. This is rather complicated for you. You can't just confront her and tell her to get help, she won't listen. You would have express your genuine concern for her best interest and how this could hurt her, and that's just a start. The next thing is keeping what you know confidential and non-judgemental. Then it's calling her out when you notice her lies, and asking if she realizes the consequences, while keeping her comfortable. And you would have to repeat that cycle, basically being her therapist. Question is, is she worth it to you?

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  • [Old Memory]
    10 years ago

    I would imagine she does know she is a pathological liar. I know a few of them myself and they can be quite hilarious with their nonsense stories. I don't mind them because I know what they are doing. Pathological lying is a mental illness in the way that gambling or alcoholism is. They are addicted to it and the behavior is so ingrained that it is very hard for them to stop.

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  • [Old Memory]
    10 years ago

    She seems like trouble. Maybe you should distance yourself from her.

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  • carinadvicer
    10 years ago

    Most people here are sympathetic to you friend and it does seem that she has some deep seated issues. Could you write a letter to a family member of hers saying how concerned you are about her? You will need to word it carefully if you do though.

    Also you do have to make that what she says is a lie.

    You can try and help in some way; but I am not sure how as you can not offer to counsel her yourself; as suggested by other kind adviser here.
    This would be an issue for a Professional and not something to take lightly; Counselling is something that can take two years to learn properly.

    The lying your friend does; could be a way of coping with something very traumatic in the past and these issues are very tricky to unravel and there could be complications of re-traumatising if you try asking about it without appropriate training.

    Sounds like you want to be there but its getting too much for you................
    I think you need to back off a little find reasons not to go round or if brave enough Say you just need a break as you are finding it all a bit much.

    She seems lost in her own little fantasy world which is the long run isn't healthy for anyone. And yes she sounds mentally ill or at least very emotionally insecure and out of touch with reality.

    Take a break and have some fun This friend probably has family and other friends to take care of her.

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  • davesumba
    10 years ago

    She knows. I know a couple pathological liars, I just asked them why in a friendly manner, and they said they really don't know. I'm still friends with these people, I just take everything they say with a grain of salt and let them live in their delusional world if it makes them happy.

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  • kelili
    10 years ago

    This is so sad. I really feel bad for your friend.

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  • Energy
    10 years ago

    Tell her how you feel.

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  • RoseIsabella
    10 years ago

    Dump her sorry ass.

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