Flip flopping between decisions

63% Normal
5 Comments

I was dating a boy I didn't really like for about 5 months because (I'm trying to be as honest as possible here) I had lost a couple of my very good friends in college, was lonely, and was looking for a booty call (which eventually turned into dating). I may have been moderately depressed before then. Anyways, I'd been fighting with myself and some of the poor friends who were nice enough to listen over whether I liked him or not. Our senses of humor were different, I was more ambitious, the things he thought were cool I thought weren't so cool...etc. I'm the type to find subtle humor (wit, puns, some sarcasm) hilarious, while he likes the more laugh-out-loud, dumb-funny humor more his thing.

So anyways, I had been telling him here and there that I felt a disconnect between us, and he just didn't get why. Sometimes I felt like I'd rather be alone than with him. I think the reason I stayed with him for so long was that I started opening him up as he said he never did with anyone else, and I saw the potential to help him grow.

I broke up with him anyway.
Now I go on his friend's facebook all the time. This was an attractive girl he was always friends with that I knew would never date him (she was a very good looking gold digger) and I cringe to see him write on her wall like he never used to on mine. He tries so hard to impress her. It physically and emotionally pains me but I do it anyway. I know in my mind he is not for me and that I was the one to make the decision, but I keep questioning it now. I keep turning back, like I can't just make a decision and move on. I'm so flippy-floppy with all my decisions. What is wrong with me?

Voting Results
63% Normal
Based on 35 votes (22 yes)
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Comments ( 5 )
  • Musse
    13 years ago

    There is nothing unusual about this scenario. There is mostly one in the relationship that has to take care of the other one. For women, the motherly instinct is far greater then the sexual instinct. This in turn can lead to women being overly motherly of her boyfriend because she wants to improve him to a man. You always hear that the perfect guy is the guy who doesn't care, is a rebel and just enough of a jerk so that u can change him. That's probably it. Make sure to find a guy whom is stable on his feet. You seem like you would be more into dating older guys that know women, do that. Next time, do not leap for sex. Leap for experience and love.

    As for the other hot chick, yes you might be right, he will never get in her pants. But he might be. He dated you, didn't he? He now has some value that he wants to use. I hope he fails :P
    The only real advice I can leave you with is that you shouldn't hold grudges. The energy you waste on human behavior isn't an energy worth losing. It is a great tool to learn how to control your emotions. A lot of people have a hard time dealing with emotions. Learn to contain you energy by observing other emotional behaviors, and just think about it. The more you confront your feelings, the more in tune you will be.
    Don't be hesitant to see a counselor at your college, I did too, it is a great experience. Make sure they're legit. ;)

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    • user_name
      13 years ago

      thank you for taking the time to write this this. what you said all really resonated with me and helped me gain a new perspective on the situation.

      you're right about the hot chick, he may very well be able to get her. and if he does, that's great, i just hope it's because they're a better fit and not because he was lonely and she just wanted the attention.

      i actually did see a couple counselors every couple months throughout college. i realized that each counselor really helps you in different ways and it's true that you have to find a counselor that you like for the sessions to be efficiently helping you. but otherwise, they were legit, fasho! :)

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  • Musse
    13 years ago

    Bose! ;)

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  • Uzzie101
    13 years ago

    gtf over him, ok? You left him!

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    • user_name
      13 years ago

      @uzzie101 i know, i should most definitely gtf over him. and if it were that easy, i would do it in the snap of a finger but my mind plays tricks on me, and i overanalyze everything. so it's really not that simple for me. i guess my ultimate goal was to ask: is it normal to be so flippy floppy (not to be confused with the flippy floppies you wear on a boat)?

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