Final year university students: break up before or after you graduate?

5 Comments

I'm considering breaking up with my partner of three years.

I spoke to my mum about it, but she told me that she's had friends in their final year of university who'd broken up before their degree was over and completely screwed up in the end.

I don't know what else to put for now, but ask away if you like.

After, regardless - I don't want to potentially fuck up my degree 6
Before, regardless - I'm unhappy for a reason 5
After: Even if I'm not likely to fuck up, I'd be losing too much 1
Before if he's abusive/a psychopath, but after otherwise 1
After; A(nother) specific reason 0
Before: A specific reason 1
After: More than one reason 0
Before: More than one reason 2
Depends on me and the person/people involved: Not anyone else's busine 2
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Comments ( 5 )
  • Anonymous Post Author
    12 years ago

    ... It was great seeing him last week and I needed the company. He's one of only a very few friends who I have a deep connection with.

    BUT I mentioned a one-night stand on my year abroad. It was a secret I'd planned on taking to the grave, but it came out a few nights ago.
    That night was - at the time - one of the happiest in my life, but the longer after it happened, the less sure I feel about it.

    After the crying and me telling him how sorry I was, we're friends again as far as he's concerned. He's said that it's brought us closer, but there's no way of knowing whether that actually is the case or not so soon! It's true we were physically - not sexually - closer than we had been for a while after I broke the news, but I still don't feel right.
    My plans are to be single like a normal person my age and live completely for myself for a couple of years after I graduate. I have to do this before I get too old to do so [I'm 24, haven't been single for longer than 4 months at a time since I was 16 and I need to start living my life before I get too old. I'll be 30 in 5.5 years time, roughly.]

    Like previously mentioned, I don't believe in "THE ONE", exclusive monogamy or marriage... but if there were such a thing it feels like he might be that. He's the best boyfriend anybody could ever have romantically speaking, but sexually it's not great. I know we'll never be sexually compatible because I don't know how to explain to him what I like in a way that he will accept.
    He can't seem to realise that sex and love are two completely different entities, whereas I can.

    \incoherency

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  • Angel_in_a_Glass_Dress
    12 years ago

    You also need to be honest about WHY you're breaking up with your partner. And why you dated them in the first place.

    Which means... being honest with yourself if you were just using them for fun while at school

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      12 years ago

      I was utterly convinced I was a lesbian for years and years, then became housemates with the guy and fell for him....
      I want to end things because we have compeltely different values and attitudes towards sex and marriage and because I think people want too much committment at too young an age.

      Then again I said yes when he proposed to me after a mere 6 months of us being together. He thought that there'd be more committment/that I'd be less likely to overstep his boundaries during our year abroad if we were engaged rather than merely boyfriend and girlfriend.
      That made no difference, though.

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      • Angel_in_a_Glass_Dress
        12 years ago

        you need to tell him asap then.

        it's unfair to him to lead him on if he still thinks you're going to get married.

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        • Anonymous Post Author
          12 years ago

          We've spoken about it and I reckon we both know marriage isn't on the cards any time soon, if ever. However, I'll see how I feel when I next see him at the end of this month and speak to him again then.

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