Feeling down because of this

Which one do you think I am guys? I'd like to know what one I am. If you have any other words that could describe me please comment. I don't feel that self pitying ever benefits anyone but it seems like the only way I can improve on things. Basically I'm 25 I go out once a week to play football I have no good friends now used to have a few good ones but since I stopped with the whole drinking thing ie pubs clubs and bars my social life has really gone downhill. I do go but very rarely I go when I feel like going but will usually be once in a blue moon maybe once a year. I only go out once a week to play football the rest of the time I'm working or with family or just completely alone. The strange thing is I'm quite content with my life although people from the outside see it as strange. I'm on antipsychotic meds and have been for past year it's a long story how I go on them but it's not out of choice. Anyway I'm not much of a conversationalist I'm scared to date I have a big fear of heights and I find it hard making true friends only seem to make acquaintances that don't ever usually lead to anything in the long run. I used to have a lot of confidence but lost most of it after traumatic event. I'm also scared of dating and avoid seeing girls as I find the process awkward when I feel I have nothing to offer although that doesn't stop me talking to girls lately online but usually I move from one to the other without long lasting conversations. All I do now is listen to music and watch and play football and I recently started gambling which is a side effect of my meds. I do have kind of friends but they never do what I want to do id say that could be why I don't go out much now. I wish I could be more outgoing and be the kind of person girls want and friends want to be around. I did have selective mutism once but miraculously made a recovery and I'm talking again but only able to function socially and cope with day to day life. I'm not depressed but wish I was more willing and able to improve my life socially. Thanks for reading if you have any more questions feel free to ask