Feeling desired or satiated?

10 Comments

Which of the things below is more important to you when it comes to your sexual satisfaction in a relationship?

I know that for many people both of them are very important and highly valuable but please choose the option which is (at least slightly) MORE important to you: feeling sexually desired by your partner or having your own sexual desires fulfiled by your partner? (or in other words: would you suffer more if your partner did not feel great sexual desire for you or if he/she refused to do sexual things which you desire?)

man / feeling desired is more important for my sexual satisfaction 47
man / fulfilment of my own desires is more important for my sex.satisf 14
woman / feeling desired is more important for my sexual satisfaction 37
woman/ fulfilment of my own desires is more important for my sex.satis 11
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Comments ( 10 )
  • Paradiddle
    11 years ago

    I'll be honest, I'm a guy and when I honestly sit down and think about it, I mostly think about my own desires being fulfilled as opposed to being desired. I just never really thought about being desired but when I think about that also, it certainly would be great to be desired more than the fulfillment. That would mean that there would already hopefully be a mutual attraction there and I wouldn't feel like I'm having fun with a girl but things were secretly a one-sided magnet.

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  • NothingxCrazy
    11 years ago

    This is an interesting question. I choose desire rather than fulfillment. I feel a good relationship should have a balance of both. I couldn't be intimate with someone unless we both had the same level of intent. I wouldn't be fulfilled otherwise. So without desire, there is nothing I would actually want sexually.

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  • howaminotmyself
    11 years ago

    I want to be desired. It helps bring about the arousal that enables me to be fully satisified. If I don't feel that my partner desires me, I will not be able to reach the same peaks of excitement regardless of what activity we engage in.

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  • Energy
    11 years ago

    I hate that you put gender on this. I feel like this should be gender neautral.

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      11 years ago

      It seems that you are not aware of the fact that biological, physiological and endocrinological differences between the genders (not to speak about different adaptations formed by millions of years of evolution) may influence different motivations, perceptions and psychological processes formed in people of different genders.
      This is not a political question about civil rights (here equality and no difference approach should be the norm). But don´t you think that for example the fact that women and man can experience different mental states due to different biology - e.g. when a woman is menstruating, breastfeeding, giving birth etc, do you think that her inner life is completely identical with inner life of men?
      Let´s suppose I ask you a question: "I am 54 years old and I want to have a child. I have sex with my partner every day and we still have no child. What may be the reason?" (case 1)
      or "I have sex with my partner every day. I am 24 years old and we use no contraception. My partner is 57 years old. Is there a risk that it may lead to pregnancy?" (case 2)
      Ananlysis depends on the gender:
      -case 1 - if you are a man, 54 yo, it is completely different from the case if you are a female 54 yo.
      -case 2 - if you are a 24 year-old female, it may lead to pregnancy very easily. However, if you are a 24-year-old man and your female partner is 57, the chances are completely different.

      Now, these cases are off-topic, I know, I know...I just wanted to show you that there are some clear and extreme cases where it really helps if you know the gender because when it comes to sex and reproduction, the two genders are very different in some areas. Another example - it is possible for a man that he will have 7 children with seven different women over one year. It is not possible for a woman to have 7 children over one year with seven different partners...

      There are many other examples where the gender differences are not so obvious, but maybe they are just more subtle, harder to detect but it does not mean they do not exist.

      If you think that men and women are identical, you may be missing something very important. We have different bodies, different hormones, different brain structure. If you think that these differences cannot influence the way we think and feel, then you may see the world in a very blur picture and miss a lot.

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      • Energy
        11 years ago

        What about the people in the middle? Like who don't identify with their given sex. Yet it's still there.

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        • Anonymous Post Author
          11 years ago

          According to experts, this condition is known as Gender Identity Disorder and "though no direct studies on the prevalence of GID have been done, a variety of clinical papers published in the past 20 years provide estimates ranging from 1:7,400 to 1:42,000 in assigned males and 1:30,040 to 1:104,000 in assigned females". This is quite a rare condition and I fully agree that these individuals do not have easy life and they should be respected equally as other people.
          If some of them are on this site, I apologize for not having created the option "unsure about my gender" and I hope they would pick the option for the gender they feel closer to. And of course, there is this comment section where they can specify how they see the topic being discussed.

          So if you are not sure whether you are a male or female, you can ignore the poll or vote according to one of the genders and comment about the problem "feeling desired or fulfilment of your desires" (the topic of this poll) here, in this comment section.
          But the existence of this small group of people do not invalidate the way we speak about genders in more than 99 % of population.

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          • Energy
            11 years ago

            Thank you.

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        • Anonymous Post Author
          11 years ago

          According to experts, this condition is known as Gender Identity Disorder and "though no direct studies on the prevalence of GID have been done, a variety of clinical papers published in the past 20 years provide estimates ranging from 1:7,400 to 1:42,000 in assigned males and 1:30,040 to 1:104,000 in assigned females". This is quite a rare condition and I fully agree that these individuals do not have easy life and they should be respected equally as other people.
          If some of them are on this site, I apologize for not having created the option "unsure about my gender" and I hope they would pick the option for the gender they feel closer to.
          But the existence of this small group of people do not invalidate the way we speak about genders in more than 99 % of population.

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    • Naamah
      11 years ago

      There are many questions that make little sense if there aren't separate options for each gender. I think that this is one of the questions in which gender may be an important factor as it is often stated in literature that it is much more important for women to feel desired than it is for men. The OP may just want to see if he / she will get the same results with IIN users and hence the separation of the options according to gender is quite wise.

      Like it or not but gender is an important demographic variable and participants are commonly asked about it also in scientific research - and not only in the field of sexology.

      There are some gender differences and many of them are caused by different biological makeup of males and females and that is why asking about gender is important. When I ask about the number of orgasms which someone achieves during an average sexual encounter, if I get an answer "0" or "10", it is different when it is said by a man or by a woman.

      You should be aware that even "researchers" who want to show that there are no differences between the sexes commonly ask about gender - not to be "politically incorrect" but because gender neutral answers wouldn't show anything - I mean, when they want to show that there are no gender differences they need to have gender specific answers to show that they've got the same results in both men and women.

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