Feel like she allways snaps at me

I feel like my bitch mommy turns her back on me all the time and I was little she would never protect me from thunder lighting she would always make me sleep in my own bed every time I was scared of the dark or electricity goes off she would make sleep in my own bed every time I would either get my hide tanned by mom my sister would always laugh at me but if I was to laugh at my sister my mom would threaten me saying that she would slap me my hard so I would not be able to laugh any more every time I was to have a good time she would always ruin a good time my mommy would stand against me all the time and when I was in my 20s my mommy told that I will probably never get a girlfriend my mommy would all ways used to stick her finger nails In my arm when I was a little boy and I hate my mommy I can't stand living with my mommy and she would hit me until my head rings she has also threaten that she going beat me to a bloody pulp and threaten that she was going to knock my head off my shoulder's and when I was a little boy she would tell my to buy my stupid grandparents dinner or if I don't buy them dinner she would be a very mean mother and she told me that she would abuse me when got mad at me