Fantasizing about killing my rapist

I'm really, really sorry this happened to you. I can't get over how badly your friend is behaving, and I know you say she's like a sister, but sometimes even a sister deserves to be handed an ultimatum, and I really think that's one thing you should at least consider at this point. I would say the violent fantasy is normal, but you know it's not healthy. But, shit, getting fucking raped isn't healthy either... I don't know what to tell you. More counselling and time. Time will help you heal as long as the scab doesn't keep being torn off by someone like your friend, who is essentially keeping your rapist in your life, though indirectly.

I sometimes have viloent fantasies about my past abusers. I know a part of me would enjoy doing vengeance on those people like that, but I know, too, there is another part of me that would never forgive myself. I have found it helps to explore this side of myself, think of it and cherish as that part that keeps me seperate from those people, a strong proof that they all underestimated me, that I'm bigger than their cruelty. I'm not preaching forgiveness. I could never forgive my abusers, and why should I have to?-but you have to rise above your pain as best you can and do your best to not let it rule you.

I wish I could offer you more, and I really am truly sorry you had to go through this.

First of all I'm so sorry you where raped! That us such a horrible expirience to go through! Especially because it was someone you trusted. I think you should see a therapist. It could help ALOT more than you think. If I wad you I would wanna kill that sick son of a bitch and make him pay for what he did. Rape is something close to my heart and I hate it just ad much as anyone else. Don't do anything you would regret however. My advise is see a therapist. God bless! :)

If you can't afford counseling, there are free hotlines and online resources with people who can give you the help you need. Start here: http://www.rainn.org/

I was raped as a child and over ten years later (I'm 23) I'm still a virgin. Like you, I'm terrified of men and can't function normally sexually. I am finally starting to get over it, though. It takes a long time to work through post-rape emotions, and yes, it is normal to fantasize about killing him as long as you understand that you can't in reality. As for injuring yourself, it may seem like a release, but all you are doing is further victimizing yourself. I want you to say to yourself, out loud: "I did not deserve to be raped and I do not deserve to be punished for something outside my control." You can get past this without violence if you can keep it in the right context. Read rape stories on the internet and you'll know you aren't alone. Ask yourself if those girls would be justified in cutting themselves. Mutilating your genitals is not a solution, and will only create further problems. Sexual arousal is normal and good and you deserve to experience it one day with someone you love and who loves and respects you, so please don't strip yourself of the ability to have that one day.

If your friend knows he raped you, she shouldn't have any contact with him. I'd cut off contact with her until whatever they have going ends, and it eventually will. Your proximity to their relationship is damaging to you in so many ways. You should go out and actively meet new people. Meet a man and a female friend who respect you and treat you right. You are better than this, don't deserve a bit of what happened, and you can overcome this. Self-love is essential. If you have no other friends, let a close family member know what is going on. It may be hard, but you'll be surprised at how much your family loves you and will support you on this.

I hope this helps. I know how much it hurts.

Yes your completely normal. It's normal to want to hurt someone who hurt you. I'm also Christian and no matter what I say or do I always have that one person I hate and want to hurt. Were all human beings and can't control our anger so in conclusion your perfectly sane.

ok first off id like to say i am realy sorry to read about what you went through, nobody deserves that and you dont deserve the torture you are putting yourself through, i realy believe that you can make good out of bad situations, i think you can make yourself a better person by getting through this and at the other side you`ll look back and be proud of yourself for doing so.
i think the main reason for your continued problems is your friend having contact with this guy, as you say, he is in your life indirectly because of her so if they were to stop being friends (or whatever they are) you would benifit. i think she does not take your problem as seriously as she should and you want her to, so you think, how can i make her see how i feel about this, and you consider doing silly things like you mentioned. do not take it out on yourself, you are better than that. maybe say to her `him or me` if it gets tro that stage, have a serious talk with her first
it is normal to have fantasies about killing or harming people that have hurt you in the past, but as long as you dont act upon them there shouldnt be too much of a problem.
as with you being scared towards sex, sexual feelings and men, this too is perfectly normal, you should not let one asshole put you off and when you feel better in the future dont let it get in the way, nobody blames you for feeling this way though, you will get your confidence back in time.
when you get down always say to yourself that sunny days wouldnt be special if it wasnt for rain, meaning you wouldnt enjoy good things in life if it wasnt for bad things.
i hope ive helped you out a little bit, please dont take this out on yourself, if you have to beat the fuck out of a punchbag, i would recomend continuing with your councillng if you can or confide in a family member or friend, let us know how it goes, good luck :)

I've never been raped, but I'd be angry and depressed as hell to the point that I'd have no doubt in my mind that I would imagine myself killing my rapist as well. I definitely think it's normal.

I'm an agnostic-atheist, but if there is a god, I'm sure he or she would understand your point of view and not judge you for your strong emotions and anger especially with what has happened. It isn't your fault.

OK you should consider getting more counselling. But since you posted here, I'd say this. Take some responsibility for yourself - about your own sexual feelings & in your relationships.
Yes you were a victim. And your friend stinks.

But you seem a little too taken by that and are lashing out in extreme retributive anger at yourself & other people.

At what point are you just going to learn from it & move on, without going .. well ... nutty about it? But then again, maybe I'm wrong - sorry - but you are the really are not the only person who has had a nasty relationship. Best wishes, really ...

I’m so sorry that you had to go through that. I was in a very similar situation my boyfriend forced me to have sex with him I was also a virgin at the time. He was also verbally and emotionally abusive, and at times physical. After I managed to break away from him I still had to deal with the fact that he lived across the street from me, went to the same school and hung out with mutual friends. What helped me through it was surrounding myself with people who genuinely cared about me and working on my self- esteem. I had a lot of those same thoughts of hurting him and it’s normal I think it’s part of the healing process (as long as you don’t act on it). Eventually you start to slowly let go of that anger and maybe even forgive. I do forgive him now but I will never forget it. A big reason I was able to forgive is just putting it in Gods hands. I am not going to lie it took me years to get to where I am. It also helps to talk about what happened don’t be ashamed of what happened to you. Don’t keep it a secret to those close to you. You didn’t do anything wrong He did. Find something that helps you release those negative feelings. And if your friend is truly like a sister then she would want to stand by you and protect you like you were her sister. If you sat down and told her exactly how you felt and she’s still doing that then cut her loose. You don’t need anyone in your life who is not going to support your healing. Surround yourself with good people and Love yourself. Our minds are a lot stronger than we think you will get through this just take it one day at a time. God Bless.

I don't even know what to say I am literally speechless this is such a tragic story I feel very sorry.

LAW OF THREE. witch's code. he should suffer three times worse. expedite his consequences by say Let it begin by thy goddess decree I invoke the ancient law of three, evil reaped for evil sown three times over shall (his name) be atoned. Also work on being happy and self esteem! I'm pisces and have been raped by lower, younger signs. Remember They're the ones failing their lives in the ways that matter most. EVERY victim is better than their abuser-- yourself included! Learn to fight for others who are victimized if you don't already. I'm into animal petitions myself, but nobody had a right to violate you and hopefully they get the most fucked up of all but don't watch them. Question your friend and say it's hurting me knowing you still like them-- they hurt me. Don't you care about that? What if you were me right now? How the hell would you feel? Maybe they're not as good a friend as you thought but it's better to be alone than with fakes! Animals can and will cheer you up if you don't have them already. Good luck. A worthless criminal isn't worth your crime or anger. They hurt us not wanting us to be happy. Guess what-- you be happier than you've ever fucking been and fuck them. I believe in you just based on what you said. Fuck that pos son of a bitch-- he wouldn't have wanted that done to his mom. he's nothing but a psychopathic shitbag and you will ALWAYS BE BETTER SO LONG AS YOU NEVER DO THAT KIND OF SHT. he's gonna die and i hope for all rapists it's the worst. listen if i was there i would've shot him in the head when he was hurting you and i'm just sorry i couldn't. really hope you haven't committed any crimes since this post or hurt yourself. hope things get better for you. we all have ticking timebombs for hearts-- we're gonna die. make a bucket list and do every damn thing you ever wanted to be happy. look up your birthchart on cafeastrology and love you soul. his is dead. his is shit in a way ours will never be because we're not antagonistic scum. if he really had any worth he'd turn himself in but like most worthless rapists all they care about is themselves and may the universe just kick them in the ass like never before. your anger is Justified but your happiness and health matter more. try to be Better than ever. remember who you were as a kid. YOU NEVER DESERVED THAT. you deserve happiness so please go for that and live your life out. shine brighter than a fake asshole rapist ever could. they say you are who your friends are--- i kind of think that applies for rapists too so forget them. the opposite of love isn't hate it's indifference. i hope you can make it

Go for the area between his fourth and fifth left rib. I'll get you a knife.

I could not read the whole story so i stopped sorry for u