Extreme self-loathing

46% Normal
4 Comments

I am a girl, 19, and depressed. I feel like a bad person, like a villain in a movie even though I try to be a good person it doesn't work out.
My family are constantly telling me I smell, even after I just showered and used deodorant, they are always using this to taunt and make fun of me. They say no one will like me because I smell and that I'm dirty/disgusting etc. Then they tell that they're only saying it to help me, but it's not helping, all it;s doing is making my life even more of a misery. In the end I don't even bother taking care of myself because I think why bother. Tbh I couldn't care less about what other people think, but the fact that my family is supposed to be supportive and is instead I am just a laughing stock to them, is hurting me.
Apart from that my family life is okay, except my little sister gets away with abusing me, just because she's 9 she can physically attack me, and I can't defend myself because I'm always the one to blame.
I also have severe social anxiety and am too shy to talk to anyone at college properly, so I just go to the library or sit in the toilets so I can be alone away from other people. I can't make eye contact and have a small voice. I hate my voice, it sounds so alien to me, that I don't bother even talking. And god forbid should I talk to a stranger.
When I come home I usually stay up in my room, on the internet, wishing I could be somewhere else. I have created a whole alternate reality and I spend hours dreaming about this, wishing that I could live in this other life. Is it normal?

Voting Results
46% Normal
Based on 28 votes (13 yes)
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Comments ( 4 )
  • BeamDiamond
    7 years ago

    It's not normal for you because I see something to better but the sake of the conversation, I will say so due to how common it is among people like yourself. You have a belief system that is insisting you take this kind of treatment. You have to ask yourself why and when you know why, just admit this is how you feel. You do that keep admitting that and something will contradict it. I use this exercise for myself to get over my humps of a gray black mind... I know you are a afraid of being judged and people do it often because they think the world revolves around them and can't help wondering how someone could recognize their "greatness".

    People who laugh at you don't have a good sense of humor. They don't have the mental stability to be sympathetic or to help you with whatever is going on in your life. I wouldn't mind them because they are just energy vampires. I wouldn't really bother understanding why they do that.

    Oh! And don't let your little sister boss you around. You are clearly not a slave. You are actually powerful and it's stupid to assume otherwise.

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  • agoodlovejoy
    7 years ago

    Sounds like your very creation and birth surrounds jealousies. You used to get alot of attention till the baby came along. Im glad you are 19. Time for you to get a job. Practice beatifying yourself but dont fall for what men say. They are a financial trap. Get money baby. Save it for yourself and yourself only. You are old enough to get an apartment and education. You should use everyone in your family for money just so u can survive and find your own way in life. This is what i did. I went through the SAME thing you did. And when i was the laugh-at target in the family i was also the ONLY one taken advantage of sexually in the family too. As you grow older never tell your family how you made it in life. NEVER....if u do ....you give them power to tear you down as an adult. Always remember that you are better than them because you are no Cinderella as a peasant. You are a beautiful princess.

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  • Thatuglyfatboy
    7 years ago

    Well.
    It's hard to usually read such posts coz I've been there too.
    I wish I could detail every step one should take to feel better, but sadly, things are never a one size fits all
    OP
    All I can tell you first is to love yourself as you are. Find people who do too. Maybe your family does joke about you being smelly as you put it, but you should communicate about how it makes you feel too
    Goddammit
    I think I'm failing at giving original advice but what the hell, as long as I believe someone's gonna get help from this

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  • dorkPassenger
    4 years ago

    in my humble opinion, not living the life you want to live and dreaming about an another life is normal but not changing anything in a life that you hate is a wrong thing to do. I can't know the details and how solvable your problems are but a good advice to you would be to try and solve them instead of giving up and saying why bother.
    I'm new to this kind of sites I don't know if its possible to add friends or message to them but feel free to message me if you want to talk. You can add me on some social media too.

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