Every night and day i contemplate death

the title sounds like it should be a line in a song.

I do it all the time

life sucks. sometimes I feel the same.

What were you diagnosed with? What medication are you taking and what therapy do they give you when it get's severe?

By what I know, experienced and heard, no its not normal, lot of us fear death, basically we fear the unknown of what comes next. It took me a lot to get over it, well i've seen lot of friends and families around me passing away, so i do not fear it anymore, but what you have to understand is death affects those who Stay Behind Than Those Who Pass Away, so each time you have those thoughts think of who will be broken by your passing away, in my opinion death is a good thing when you get over the fears of unknown, life is beautiful when enjoyed, but when the pain gets too much, life becomes worth nothing, sometimes I envy the dead, i don't know what they got on the other side, but how worse could it be.

So what Im trying to say is, don't run away give yourself a reason why you should continue, if you believe the reason fully it should balance out. I don't think i have urges but sometimes i become curious of what would happens if i for example jumped from a high point, what would i feel, what would i be thinking at the moment while the ground is approaching etc... Examine your self and find what is the cause of yours, for when you know the problem you will have the right solution.

It could be l’appel du vide (call of the void) where you get urges to jump or crash your car etc. I used to do this. For me it was a control thing, a big fuck you to voices. Like you can jump if you want to, but when you don't you feel back in control. If that's what you mean.
It's not a healthy way to live though.