Engagement ring dilemma

12 Comments

I started dating this wonderful girl, “Melissa”, about two and a half years ago and I now want to propose to her. My dilemma is the ring. You’ll need some details to understand the situation………

Melissa is not pretentious at all, but she does appreciate the nicer things in life. Sure, she’d gladly accept a plain gold band, but I know she would love to have the nicest engagement ring I could provide.

So, here’s the dilemma. Years ago I had a ring custom made that has a beautiful setting of many high quality diamonds, with a stunning, exceptional quality 2 carat diamond as the main stone. It’s one of a kind. Later, I proposed to my girlfriend at the time and gave her the ring. Unfortunately, the engagement only lasted two weeks (she cheated on me), but I got the ring back. I designed the ring for whoever would be my future wife, and the old girlfriend was not to be that person. I’ve since moved to another city and the old girlfriend is history.

I cannot afford to buy another ring like this one. My budget is limited to whatever I can get for the old ring, which appears to be around half its original cost. I’m torn because if I trade-in the old ring or remount part of it, it would destroy the amazing ring I designed and waste many thousands of dollars.

So, do I ………………………………..

Give Melissa the ring I have and tell her its history 2
Give Melissa the ring I have and don't tell her its history 7
Trade in parts and have the 2 carat stone remounted in a new setting 2
Trade in the ring for a much smaller, high quality ring 6
Trade in the ring for a similar sized, lower quality ring 2
Show her the ring before proposing and ask if she would like it 6
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Comments ( 12 )
  • thegypsysailor
    9 years ago

    If you try and give this girl another woman's ring, you might lose her. If she's half as cool as you say, it's not about the money, but about the sentiment.

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  • bnds.vdka
    9 years ago

    I think giving her the ring is a good idea, and tell her the history and that you specifically designed it for your future wife. It wasn't the girl before her. I think that it'd be nice to focus on the fact that she is your future wife instead of where the ring came from.

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  • howaminotmyself
    9 years ago

    Never give a girl a ring you originally bought for another woman. Pawn it and find something with her in mind.

    My engagement ring came from a pawn shop and I love it. My husband paid half of what it is worth. And being non traditional, it's a ruby, not a diamond. Sapphires are a good choice too, and a little cheaper. But these all have me in mind and may not be right for your girlfriend. Get rid of that other woman's ring and get her something different. Take her,with you if you must.

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  • ArayaLioness
    9 years ago

    I say give her the ring and be honest. Not telling her would be a lie of omission and that's not how you want to start out a marriage.

    I'm imagining myself in both sides of the situation. I can understand being a little disappointed at not having a truly "unique" ring but I also understand your sentiments of possibly getting a ring of less value that you would think is undeserving.

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  • wistfulmaiden
    9 years ago

    Find out what style rings she likes( ask her friend to window shop with her) . I suggest trade the ring in for something pristine . My fiancé got me a big solitaire but honestly I'd have preferred something daintiest and smaller.

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  • chained_rage
    9 years ago

    I don't get why people think you shouldn't give her the ring you have? If it's half as nice as how I picture it in my mind, it must be awesome.
    You don't have to tell her its history? Why waste money on something half as nice if you can give her a nice ring like that?

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    • Freedom_
      9 years ago

      You're such a guy. Lol. Every time she looks at the ring she will think "this was not originally intended for me..." and surely this guy will have guilt even if he doesn't tell her the history of the ring, possibly giving in eventually and telling her. Besides, an engagement should not begin with any dishonesty or baggage from old relationships. You must think more symbolically (not materialistic) when it comes to the sentimental nature of women.

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      • chained_rage
        9 years ago

        But women are so darn confusing =(

        How do you manage to wake up in the morning and not feel confused by yourself?

        Sigh. Hold me

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        • Freedom_
          9 years ago

          I don't. I confuse myself every day. I don't even want to get married... I think.

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  • Anonymous Post Author
    9 years ago

    Rats, and I see that adding the additional voting option deleted the previous votes. Sorry.

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  • Anonymous Post Author
    9 years ago

    Thanks for the votes and input. Another option occurred to me and I added it to the voting options.

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  • Short4Words
    9 years ago

    I think the most beautiful thing you can do is get rid of the ring for what it represents and use that money to get a new ring that maybe is lower in quality but means a whole lot more to you and the lucky girl you're giving it to.

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