Encourage a man to come back to love.

31% Normal
18 Comments

I know a friend who I met at a support group whom has been through 6 relationships.. he is now 45 and a virgin.
IN his five times..

1: The girl emptied his bank account and now he owes over 15,000 at the time. (Lasted 9 months)
2: The girl found out he was a virgin after a year- was disgusted and left him. (Lasted 1 year)
3: The girls ex-boyfriend came around and stabbed him in the middle of the night. SHe ended up returning to him. (LAsted 9 months)
4: The girl tried to envoke him in her church when he was a different religion..after a year she left him for a true christian man (Lasted 2 years)
5: His best one of 6 months she was raped and killed and left for dead in a river. (Lasted 6 months)
5: THe girl cheated on him 2 times (the last time I was there to witness his girl screwing on his table) (LAsted 3 years)
Now he is in a wheel chair from the stab....

What do you say to a guy who has been through so much torment? I remember I tried to encourage him to try to find another women..
he cracked me several times in the jaw and it ended our friendship.

I don't know what to do for him..he's is becoming something ..before his first girl I hear stories of him being a man which girls wanted him and men wanted to be him....a great guy till he fell in love.....
What encouragement should he need to come back to what he was?
I still worry about him....

Would it be normal to pursue another relationship?

Voting Results
31% Normal
Based on 39 votes (12 yes)
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Comments ( 18 )
  • thegypsysailor
    10 years ago

    Once bitten, twice shy; but 6 times?
    Obviously his women of choice aren't on the plus side.
    If I was him, quite honestly, I'd keep my distance from any woman I was attracted to. Perhaps, as mentioned above, being single isn't a bad choice for this man.
    On the other hand, in how many years of relationships has he remained a virgin? Makes one wonder.

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    • pachucoknight
      10 years ago

      He took is slow he is a virgin all the way. He gotten close with his loves emotionally but not physically.
      He took it slow.

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  • iEatZombies_
    10 years ago

    Frankly, I wouldn't bother him about being in a relationship. If he meets a woman who'll love and respect him, great. If not, then that's fine, too. He doesn't need someone else to create his happines for him- he can create his own. It's apparent nobody else is looking out for his best interest anyway, because if they were, they'd be telling him to stay single and focus on himself and what's good for him. If he was interested in losing his virginity, he'd have slept with someone by now. That isn't what it's about, so it's not important. He loved and he lost, so he needs to grieve and then find happiness. Maybe being single isn't a conventional way to do it, but it's possible and it'll help him to know he's happy with himself. He needs to love himself after all of this, not someone else.

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  • pachucoknight
    10 years ago

    He is a virgin. The girls he was involved with wanted to wait until the right time. His taste were more "church" style girls. He was the type to take it slow and that was the attraction about him with women at the time. They felt that he didn't want them just for sex.

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    • thegypsysailor
      10 years ago

      Even most churches do not consider a couple "married" until the relationship has been consummated. Something else has to be going on with this guy. It just doesn't ring true, as you have related it.

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      • pachucoknight
        10 years ago

        what i meant when it comes to "church" girls was that they had very strong traditions. From what he told me when they were seeing each other, some of her family and friends frowned upon them cause he was not of her church. Her respected her church and did go every sun with her. It was going well till a small financial argument turned into a huge one and the church got involved. The church decided for her that it wasn't meant to be since he was not of the church.

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  • [Old Memory]
    10 years ago

    Those were long relationships to be in and not have sex. Do you mean he is abstinent now that he is single or is he seriously a 45 year old virgin. **uses girl for sex **leaves.

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  • ccjigsaw
    10 years ago

    What's wrong with being single?

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    • dom180
      10 years ago

      Nothing's wrong with being single, but having been around for so long and never had sex or a functional relationship is missing out on a very large part of the normal human experience which is important to most people.

      OP: I don't know what I would say. His experiences have obviously hurt him very much, so maybe he really would be better off not seeking a relationship - at least not until after a few years of singledom. I don't know what to say, so I won't say anything else to make sure I don't take away from someone who might be more helpful (although I don't know how helpful anyone can be about this, because he sounds like a very extreme case).

      I'd advise him to see a therapist, though. If therapists are for anyone they're for someone like him.

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      • pachucoknight
        10 years ago

        Funny you mentioned that. He stormed out of one session due to the fact he felt that the therapists was talking down to him and making light of his situation.
        I guess what pisses him off is small words coming from someone who hasn't even been in his situation. He now thinks that no one person can change his entire past with just narrow comfort. I tried that and that's where we tussled and he delivered a few socks to the jaw.

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        • dom180
          10 years ago

          It's a shame that all this has happened to him. I can see why he'd find someone trying to understand him patronising, because it must be hard to have much patience when you've been through all that. You could try and give him a lot of time to cool off, but that could take a very long time.

          In the meantime you could try and help him to become engaged in other things besides love to try and take his mind away from the problems he's had and to raise his self-confidence a bit. He needs to become convinced that just because he hasn't been satisfied with his love life that doesn't mean the whole of his life is a lost cause. He needs to explore other parts of his life besides love. If your friendship with him is considered ended, leave it a while before you approach him again.

          As bad as it sounds, some people are impossible to help. That sucks, but if you do try everything and nothing helps it might be best to accept that engaging him with love is a lost cause.

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    • [Old Memory]
      10 years ago

      Nothing. **unzips pants

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  • peterr
    10 years ago

    He might as well become a queer.

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  • RoseIsabella
    10 years ago

    Maybe he's makings up stories?

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  • [Old Memory]
    10 years ago

    "has been through 6 relationships.. he is now 45 and a virgin"

    There's the real problem, women expect sex at some point.

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  • [Old Memory]
    10 years ago

    You listed #5 twice and even said 5 when you originally said 6.
    I do not know what advice to give other than to be a good friend but it sounds like that ended.
    I'm wondering if he choose to be a virgin or if his previous relationships denied him sex (which would be really shitty of the ones that cheated.)
    Maybe buy him a hooker.

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    • pachucoknight
      10 years ago

      I don't know much about the detail other then the end result. But from I heard from him he knew in detail everything about the girls whom he was attached too.
      He was close to them emotionally and respected the fact that they wanted it take it slow. He gets close to a girl through emotion first rather then physical. His mother at times was being "forced" physically by his father on more times then she wanted it. He didn't want to become his father.

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      • [Old Memory]
        10 years ago

        Seems like he didn't really know them that well.

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