Effects of childhood bullying from parents and peers on adults

88% Normal
13 Comments

I am wondering how many people here have had severe, lifelong repercussions from childhood bullying.

As a child, my parents were verbally abusive. I learned not to display my needs for fear of being scolded and seen as weak and stupid. The family were little more than a financial problem in many ways and "us girls" were seen as second rate to my brother. Even when I had run a marathon and got a good degree and postgraduate, they showed no interest- didn't even comment about the marathon!

I was a fat kid at a time when it wasn't normal- my parents were fat too so I guess it was a narcissistic mirror for them to have a fat daughter! The first 5 years of my schooling were an endless round of bullying for it- pinched, punched and kicked daily with huge, purple bruises on my knees. If I mentioned it to my parents or news got back to them, they regarded me as just being a nuisance. The teacher was stick thin and turned a blind eye to it as I recall, she did not like me.

As a teenager, I was bullied for having acne and still sometimes for being overweight (though I was by then, just average). Then my very first intimate relationship was violent where the vermin in question would hit me and call me a "stupid, fat cow" just because he had drunk one too many beers!

This has all had severe repercussions on my whole life and I am still sorting through the debris and trying to overcome the effects. It has messed up my health and hence, my work life so that I have never really done anything with my life. It has haunted my relationships and that second rate little fat girl without anyone to look out for her is still there...in middle age!!!

Has anybody else had lifelong consequences to childhood bullying and if so, how has it affected you and have you recovered?

Voting Results
88% Normal
Based on 25 votes (22 yes)
Help us keep this site organized and clean. Thanks!
[ Report Post ]
Comments ( 13 )
  • charli.m
    10 years ago

    I'm sorry you went through all that, OP :(

    I think it's normal to carry the baggage from that sort of treatment, but I also think thst professional help can go a long way to helping you over turn the negatives ingrained from the treatment you received as a child.

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    2
    2
  • Caryopteris
    10 years ago

    Having a childhood like that keeps you from figuring out who you are and what you enjoy. You might want to take the personality test called The Color Code by Taylor Hartman. It can help free you of all the bad messages you received. You are you, and that's okay. Then starting doing what makes you happy.

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    1
    1
  • [Old Memory]
    10 years ago

    There's a difference between growing up in an unloving home and bullying.

    I'm one of few in modern days who subscribes to the belief that bullying is a necessary part of childhood development. It's part of what shapes our lives by building lifelong defenses. I honestly believe that the long-term consequences of suppressing that is going to negatively affect generations.

    I was bullied...and it sharpened my skills as a smartass. I learned to shatter an attackers ego with a few words. Same with my oldest son. My younger son is a big kid, so he doesn't get bullied, but when those around him do, he defends them, and keeps building friendships that will last a lifetime.

    You can be a victim, or overcome. Much of that's taught at home, which leads to the second half of my opinion:

    Your parents are another story. There should always be a safe, comfortable, loving place to come home to when you're growing up. Home should be a place where a child's sense of self-worth develops and strengthens. I'm really sorry you didn't feel that growing up.

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    1
    1
      -
    • Anonymous Post Author
      10 years ago

      I do get this.

      But try having parents who say "you must have done something to cause it" or "just ignore them and they'll go away" (I wish!). But most of all, try imagining that everytime it happens, your first worry is that it will upset your parents if you cause trouble for them! Do 7 year old kids usullay think of their parents over and above their own physical wellbeing? I don't know...

      If I had had supportive parents in this regard, I might well have fought back. But I didn't dare because some things, they would never let me live down- years later.

      Comment Hidden ( show )
      0
      0
        -
      • [Old Memory]
        10 years ago

        I know. I was hoping that my last paragraph would have expressed the compassion you deserve, but trying to summarize enough to post from my phone can be a real challenge at times.

        Comment Hidden ( show )
        0
        0
          -
        • Anonymous Post Author
          10 years ago

          Yes it did, thankyou.

          My parents were indeed verbal bullies so it's not surprising I never learned to handle it at the right time- life was just that for me and I knew no different at the time. It's only years later you can actually see what happened and why.

          I do happen to agree that bullying is a part of growing up. Virtually all creatures have a pecking order and this is the way it is established as children because at that age, we do not have the wisdom and even development level to know it can be unfair- just as a baby has no perception of boundaries in the world. But as humans, we have the capacity to override the instinct as we grow older.

          Where childhood bullying is concerned, I think it would be far more helpful to encourage a bullied child to learn some sort of self-defence system and with it, I think they would develop confidence in their own abilities more. This would be far better than blaming them for being victims, telling them to ignore the bully etc.

          But I do think this needs the parents and other elders to take a hand and be positive about it all instead of just viewing it as a problem to overcome. Indeed, martial arts for example, is great for body, mind and spirit and should be viewed as such.

          Comment Hidden ( show )
          0
          0
    • charli.m
      10 years ago

      Someone thumbed you down again :/ Fixed it again.

      Comment Hidden ( show )
      0
      0
        -
      • dom180
        10 years ago

        I confess: it was me. I thumbed him down because I extremely strongly disagreed but couldn't work out how to put into words a counter-argument, so I used the thumb as a crude substitute. I know, I know - I'm breaking the first rule of being respectful on a forum by doing that :/ But someone who argues that bullying is a good thing is someone I just can't being myself to show as much respect to as I know I should. I'm well aware that that puts me squarely in the wrong :P

        No-one can ever know if bullying "builds character" because you can never prove that someone wouldn't grow up the exact same way without having been bullied, so that whole argument makes no sense to me. Perhaps the bullying wasn't required to foster those defences or friendships. Perhaps it would have happened anyway with a completely different trigger. Even if you could prove that there were direct positive consequences of bullying, that certainly isn't everyone's experience of bullying so it only goes a small way to justifying bullying.

        And what about the bully themselves? For every bullied person there must be a bully, and if the bully grows up not being taught that their behaviour is wrong that could be just as damaging.

        I suppose that was what I should have said first off :P

        I apologise for my discourtesy, Mr. Reason :)

        Comment Hidden ( show )
        0
        0
          -
        • [Old Memory]
          10 years ago

          Please...we're informal here. Call me obscure ;)

          Comment Hidden ( show )
          0
          0
        • charli.m
          10 years ago

          Ehhh I can't say I agree with the view on bullying, I was more going by the person than the comment for my thumbing back up of, so I'm worse :P

          Comment Hidden ( show )
          0
          0
            -
          • [Old Memory]
            10 years ago

            I do appreciate the thought, but I knew my views on bullying, like many of my opinions, wouldn't be popular here. I fully expected to get voted down.

            That being said, my opinion is sincere, well thought out, and comes from compassion. I don't condone bullying...I didn't mean to make it sound that way, I just think that there are times when we overprotect our kids only to set them up for failure in adulthood. The workforce, relationships, and the universe as a whole can be cold and heartless...and as adults, they are going to face adversity no matter how badly we want to protect them from it. A strong and loving support system at home can help them develop the tools to face these adversities. In my last paragraph...I tried to address that. OP didn't feel that support...and that's what sucks.

            Most bullies are a horrible consequence of child abuse and neglect. When a child is raised in a home that he or she doesn't feel secure, loved, or given a sense of self-worth...and he or she is taught that a heavy hand from a bigger, stronger person is all that's necessary to get your way...they're going to project that upon their peers.

            As for your regret thumbing me back up...I will ask suckonismthist9 to thumb my comment back down.

            Comment Hidden ( show )
            0
            0
              -
            • charli.m
              10 years ago

              Oh, I have no regrets :) I just read it hours beforehand, and came back later and saw it thumbed and assumed it was just cos people like doing that to you. I wasn't really having a good thinking day yesterday.

              Don't IIN on a half asleep brain :/

              Comment Hidden ( show )
              0
              0
  • Terence_the_viking
    10 years ago

    I'm sorry i don't really have much to say.

    Goodluck.

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    0
    0