Eating disorder
I'm recovering from Anorexia and Bulimia. I am back to an ideal weight but think I'm huge after only wearing a size 1 for so long. I have taken time off from a job so I can become healthy again. In the morning I go to the gym and return home. I eat a meal instead of exercise more now when I return home. But after that meal I feel tormented. I feel huge just eating regularly. So I won't step out of the house again for the day because I am struggling emotionally about this. I only leave the next morning for the gym again. It's a boring life all consumed by fear. I usually take some OTC sleeping pill early in the afternoon because I don't want to think about how much I hate my body now. The only way I can forget is to sleep. In my mind the word healthy means "fat" and the word sick means "skinny." I'd rather be sick and too skinny sometimes. So when others tell me that I am looking healthy now I just want to die.