Drugs fucked up my life.
At age of 15 I started smoking weed, then from 16 to 19 I smoked everyday, even at school, I never felt like it was fucking me up, I was doing well at school even if I was high all the time, I did coke a few times, ecstasy and speed as well, but one night I took 5 pills of ecstasy and started to see stars.. you know like when you get hit hard in the face. The next morning I was depressed and even today (im 21) I still have the feeling that im depressed, like if joy of being sober never came back entirely. Another night I took one speed that I tought it was ecstasy, and I felt really bad, my neck was numb again I felt depressed for like a month, since then I never done any ecstasy or speed. 1 year later (when I was 19) I took a lot of shrooms and totally psyched out, I did the worst bad trip of my life (I could tell the story but it would take a entire page) I said fuck it, no more hard drugs, since then I never done any hard drugs but kept smoking weed until one day, I had a bad trip on weed, I felt like I was becoming retarded, I had a strange feeling on the top of my head, I felt like there was blood between my brain and the top of my skull and half of my face and my head was numb, I went to the hospital and did a scan, nothing. Doctors tell me its stress and anxiety, I tried to smoke weed after and it does the same thing every single time and even get worst, I get the feeling I cant breath normally.
its been 2 years im sober and didnt do any drugs but every morning I still have this numb in my head and sometimes come back sometimes go away and have extreme anxiety wich I never had before these badtrips. when I stopped weed I started drinking a lot of beers and im almost alchoholic. Now I decreased my alcohol consomation and feel better but im still haunted by these bad trips memories, and the fact that I gotta separate myself from all my friends that do drugs and smoke weed all day long make me even more depressed, stressed and anxious. I cant do any more drugs or ill bad trip, I cant even drink a fucking energy drink or ill bad trip. I do drugs all the time in my dreams and I become retarded until I wake up, its killing me, I wish I never have done any drugs.
Seeing everyone on internet and stars that do drugs and smoke weed everyday and never heard a story like mine, someone that bad trip on weed every single time, what the fuck ? do I have brain cancer or something ? Now im alone, got no friends because I dont know what to do with them and seeing them smoking weed all the time piss me off, my anxiety prevent me from finding a girlfriend or new friends all I do is work and play video games and drink beer. Everyday I see people living their lives doing drugs or not and be happy, I just cant and it piss me off.
Dont think that im giving up on life, I still have fun, I laugh, I still have 2-3 real friends, I guess im recovering.
Thats how drugs fucked up my life.
well thanks for reading all this, sorry for my english