Don't want to be "clingy"

57% Normal
5 Comments

I have been married around 10 years now and most days I really enjoy it. I still find my husband very attractive and smart, but I now see all his quirky faults too. As i know he sees all mine.
I have always been a pretty independant gal. I walk my own path in life and I sing my own tune. The problem I am having is I don't really feel like my husband even likes me anymore. Don't get me wrong, I know he loves me. It is just that feeling that we don't really have that great of a connection. The physical part of our relationship, though not as frequent, is still as great, if not better, than it has ever been. I guess though now that I have gotten older I want that friendship too. You know when you see a great older couple that have been married 35 years eating ice cream in a park and they tell you that they have married their best friend. I don't need to be his best friend, but it would be nice to at least register on the friends list.
I have tried a lot of different things. Read everything there is to read. I try not to be clingy. I do my thing a lot and he does his. I give him space. We share interests. So we have all this stuff in common and get along without being in each others faces constantly, yet he never laughs with me. He hardly even smiles at me anymore.
I have even gotten to the point were I don't ask him to do anything. I do all the work around the house. I take care of the kids. I even do most of the repair work and all of the yard work. And he doesn't even work right now. He's been laid off for a little while, but this has been going on way before he was laid off. I am just trying to lay the ground work here. This guy spends daylight hours playing on his projects in the barn then comes in and we play video games together at night. It isn't like he is even working 7 - 3 and is beat. I get that.
He has fun with his buddies, jokes, smiles and actually enjoys being around them. But me, I am like the plague. And I honestly don't know what to do. Is this normal? I need a guys advice or at least view point. Cuase right now, I feel like if I dropped off the face of the earth, he'd only notice when I wasn't there when he wanted me.

Voting Results
57% Normal
Based on 30 votes (17 yes)
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Comments ( 5 )
  • KrunkFu
    13 years ago

    too long for me to read, but i was kind of like your husband in a way with my gf. taking time away from eachother (not a break or breakup) always helps. go stay with a friend for like 2 weeks or something and he will be missing you very much

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  • buttintoit
    14 years ago

    I had this problem recently w my hubby of 15 yrs. It got to the point where he said he hated me and wanted to leave. After hearing this I thought I may as well say some of the things I had held back on over the years because I didn't want to hurt his feelings. I also stated right out that I wasn't ready to just pack our relationship in like he was. Turns out he was building a wall because he thought I wanted out and when I told him my issues he said he had no idea that I felt that way and had never looked at things from my side like that. I am a very communicative person but until that moment I didnt realize I had not said things bluntly enough to get through to him. He was as shocked as I was.
    So what I'm saying is even if you think you have told him everything you feel try to ask and tell the real things nothing about house stuff or job stuff. Ask him exactly what he thinks of you and your marriage and tell him you are dissastisfied because guess what? You are. Get it all out now because nobody wants to be in a relationship where they feel despised or unimportant. Doing things for him won't help. Let him feel important in the house and with the kids too of he cares about you guys. If he doesn't then take whatever steps you have to. You only get one life. Also your kids are feeling this even if you think you're covering it up. No one likes a martyr and you are just as responsible to make a truley good relationship as he is. I think you may be surprised to learn that he wants to be an equal and contributing partner with you, maybe he just doesn't know how to tell you that. He probably feels like a failure and like he's not living up to his part and maybe doesn't know how to just re-join the family as a responsible member.
    Give him the chance to tell you. My relationship is sooo much better now and my guy knows I love him and once again I know he loves me. Marriage is hard work but it has to be brutally honest sometimes.

    Good luck!

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  • scubaswifey
    14 years ago

    I have been married to my husband for 4 yrs and together for 8 yrs total. I agree with the other comments as well, I kind of was on the same situation last yr and keep quiet. Finally I sat my husand down and explained to him how I felt about our friendship. Things have gotten a lot better since. You have to sit down with him and have a heart to heart talk about how you feel and what you want out of your marraige. I too used to do all the house work, but now we share all the responsibilities. Open up and tell him everything, then as said before, it's in gods hands from there. Good luck!

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  • DCD
    14 years ago

    Hi..I was with you until you said u do all the work and he doesn't even work. You might be staying quiet just to not rock the boat. My feeling? Show respect for yourself and say what you need and want. That is what real friends do. Then it is in God's hands.

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  • Bells
    14 years ago

    Well, Im a girl and Ive never been married, but... I think one of the best things in relationships is the friendship you establish with your partner. Seems like in other areas you two are doing quite well, so I think you should work on achieving that friendship. Why dont you open up with him? Try making him understand that you are feeling left out.

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