Doesnt know what she wants.

69% Normal
12 Comments

As a guy I have as much an understanding of women as an elephant has of trying to fly to the fucking moon. So help me out.

A girl I have a complicated relationship with recently told me, and I quote, "i love you more than you know.. I wish things were different " before then saying "I know how I feel but I dont know what I want" and bring relatively withdrawn.

Someone explain this to me as if i'm 5 years old and blessed with mental retardation because I'm clueless as to what to do.

Voting Results
69% Normal
Based on 16 votes (11 yes)
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Comments ( 12 )
  • Terence_the_viking
    11 years ago

    you could always ask her what she means by that and she should explain it to you.

    Words can mean anything i wouldn't want to give you the wrong idea.

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    • LIEWM
      11 years ago

      The problem is she won't. She is incredibly vague and sometimes wont even reply when confronted, so to speak, with all signs pointing to her not being interested. Then she drops the "i feel like shit.. sorry" and we're back to square one.

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      • Terence_the_viking
        11 years ago

        Have you tried telling her how her vagueness makes you feel.

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        • LIEWM
          11 years ago

          On occasion yes. She tends to apologise and change the subject. What would you do?

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  • dappled
    11 years ago

    Well, you asked for bluntness and simplicity so the way I'd interpret this is:

    I have feelings for you but I don't know that I want to have these feelings right now (or in the long-term).

    Without getting into a man versus woman debate, I think you deserve a bit more than this vague statement. Whatever the problem is, not telling you about it isn't going to make things any better.

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    • LIEWM
      11 years ago

      Agreed, but she won't give me anything else. I'm going to assume she is genuinely confused by her feelings but in the mean time I have no idea what to do. I've asked to talk about it, asked her to explain, and she always finds a way to either dodge the questions (or not answer them at all).

      I get the impression she's incredibly up and down at times, and maybe that's just her inability to 'decide' shining through. Nevertheless I need resolution and yet im not sure how to approach the problem without just leaving her alone.

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      • dappled
        11 years ago

        Perhaps by talking to you about it, it kind of forces her hand. Maybe she thinks it will put an end to the relationship because of how it'll make you feel and if she isn't sure she wants that, she'd be burning her bridges.

        From experience, women less often terminate a relationship unless they have another relationship to go. They're very practical about it and rather than go from a relationship they're unsure about to no relationship at all (which would be a lesser position), they stay with the relationship they're unsure about until they can swap to one they're more sure about. I'm sure to some extent it's biologically hardwired (just as it's hardwired for men to find it easier to walk away).

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        • LIEWM
          11 years ago

          A lot of what you're saying is making sense. At this point I can't help but feel I'm being shafted whilst I wait. It's a horrible position to be in and I need to deal with it better but I see no solution in sight. I want to talk to her about everything and properly make up my mind on how I think she feels and what her motives are - yet she doesnt - sonething which is certainly not easing my fears/worries. What would you suggest I do?

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          • dappled
            11 years ago

            I'd never say for sure that this is what is happening to you, but it sounds like it might be. Unfortunately, even the situation you know that you're in is difficult to resolve because you and her want completely different things. You want to know what's going through her mind and she doesn't want you to know.

            I can only think of two ways of approaching it. One would be very sensitively, saying that you just want to work things out together (if that's what you do want). Problem is, you can't make her any promises because you don't know what she's going to say yet.

            The second way, if she's really not ready to communicate, would be to suggest you give her some space to work her feelings out. It doesn't have to be a "break" or a trial separation. The relationship is still as it was, but you break contact for a bit. You run the risk of losing her but it's better than being stung later down the line. You also have the chance she'll miss you and realise she wants to keep what she has. You also can't count out the chance that you'll gain nothing and things will stay as they are. But, at that point, I think you've done all you can. You don't come across like a bad guy at all and I'm sorry this is happening.

            One last thing, I might have read this completely wrongly. She could be worried about something, or ill, or preoccupied with something that happened that she's yet to tell you about.

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            • LIEWM
              11 years ago

              I'm back and need more wise words.

              I failed to mention she has a boyfriend. It all seemed to change over Xmas as that's when she told me she doesn't know what she wants but that she does have 'feelings' for me.

              Now I might be reading the signs wrong but now it feels completely the opposite. Break down in communication. Maybe I'm being a typical male and reading the 'signs' wrong, or maybe it was the drink talking over xmas - maybe she is genuinely confused.

              This is hopeless. When she does seem to want to talk she doesn't divulge anything (I have a creeping suspicion she is confused and I just REALLY want resolution).

              I dont really know why Ive posted this. Guess I just need someone to talk to. Apologies.

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