Does this make me a pedophile?
Im a 39 year old male enaged to a 31 year old model,
last year I knew a 17 year old girl, a model, who worked with my fiancee, and was abused by her family. They kicked her out at 17, and I took her under my wing, and my fiancee had no problem with it.
She was very hurt and angry and I was always there for her. The most I would do was hug her and kiss her on the cheek, and when she would cry I'd hold her.
I leased her a Lexus, as long as she paid for the car halfway. I also put thousands of dollars toward her prospective home in New Mexico. After she got rid of her anger and her sadness, she became a beautiful person inside and out, and I would lay awake at night thinking about her, but I would NEVER EVER act on it.
At 18 I threw her a MASSIVE party and invited all of my friends and family. I also allowed her to drink, but only me and her could be alone together, until she finished her drink, then I'd send her on her merry way.
Well, that was my problem.
One day she came home and casually cracked open a drink. My fiancee wasn't home. She started to talk to me, and I would listen and drink as well.
I listened with my hand on her shoulder. She kissed me, and "went for it" . I tensed and put my hands on her abs, as a gentle "shove". She lifted up her shirt and put one of my hand on her breasts, thats when i pushed her away, gently. She acted hurt for minutes, then went in her room, and became unconsolable.
She told me that I was the "man of her dreams" and she thought that I "knew" I was "more to her" than an "adopter", I just comforted her like I usually did, then kissed her on her forehead.
She waited hours later until I was very drunk and kissed me again, I allowed it. I got intimite with her, but we didn't have sex. I took a nap, and I felt like a part of me died.
I felt like I couldn't live with myself. I got the hell away from her.
I told her she needed to smooth out her "daddy issues", then I sent her to a therapist. She wasn't upset or mad, she just apologized and hugged me. I sold her Lexus and bought her a Honda, and put the money towards an apartment immediately. I send some checks her way occasionally, and I pay for her health insurance. I told her I was going to "cut the financial cord" and just pay for her insurance until she found a boyfriend. I also told her that she was welcome to visit, as long as my wife was there, and didnt sit on the same couch as me.
Im currently seeing a therapist for what happened to me. I never told my family. Sometimes I want to kill myself. Ive never been the same since, My bank account and integrity is damaged. Im one paycheck away from losing my beautiful, beautiful home. I used to have tens of thousands of dollars in the bank, not anymore. I guess its Gods way of letting me see the error of my ways.
Thanks for reading my nonsense.
GRT