Does this make me a bad friend?

OK, prepare for a much needed rant.

The truth is, it does make you a bad friend. You can't help who you're attracted to, but you're not supposed to be attracted to your platonic friends anyway. Call me crazy, but being a gay guy and surrounding yourself with hot, straight friends just sounds like neverending sexual frustration to me. There are tons of guys in this world for you to lust after. Your best friend doesn't (and shouldn't) have to be one of them.

News flash: he probably knows (or has his guesses) that you're gay. That means he accepts you for who you are. That's SUCH a rare thing to find. You need someone that you can just "turn off", in every sense of the phrase, with. Lust can be a distraction. It doesn't sound like you have any female platonic friends, who else are you going to go to for venting/advice/time-out? Plus, he's got an "in" in the straight guy world. This guy sounds like everything a good friend should be: open-minded, a good listener, and just someone to veg out with and feel comfortable around. Doesn't it make you feel guilty judging this awesome dude the way that you are? (Personally, I'd be happy to be his friend)

We're not all born beautiful, and in the end, his appearance is just a shell. Your problem is that you're comparing him to guys you find attractive. Take him out of your ranking scheme. He's not meant to be ogled, he's meant to be there for you. He might as well be invisible as far as appearances go. Your disgust is a choice. You choose to view him in a context of potential sexual appeal, and he's "failing". If you think of him in the same way you think of your mom or your dog, he won't be disgusting anymore, he's just be your "bro". Don't let your superficiality ruin your friendship and poison your mind.

You say you can't "get over" his looks, so why then are you on here calling him ugly and describing (putting images into your own mind) everything about him that disgusts you? Can you imagine how he'd feel if he heard you say this stuff? Plus, there are probably guys on here who are chubby or hairy who won't take kindly to what you said either. Stop trying to want to fix a guy who isn't broken. You need to grow up and stop acting so spoiled IMO.

There is SO much of the world you'll be missing out on if you only value looks. It's an empty, shallow existence. Trust me, I used to be vain as fuck. I know everyone says it, but looks really don't last. Yours won't either. You're allowed to appreciate what you have (in fact, it's healthy to), but take the time to appreciate WHO you have as well, and also what others don't have, and what they need (what you can offer them). Maybe this is the big reality check, YOU'VE been needing. Maybe coming out to your friend is the next step. Maybe after he knows and you know he knows, then you'll be able to move on from the old feelings of lust you had for him when you first met. I mean, he can't be hideous. He's a young college guy, how bad could he possibly look? (Plus, men grow body hair and are sometimes slightly overweight, get over it. Most men, in fact, don't have a six pack. Those things don't make someone ugly. He's not deformed. Gah!)

Has anyone been able to pry open the doors to that closet you're so far trapped in yet?

WOW! That's complicated.

Yes, it makes you a bad friend. If someone treats you well and is a good friend in general, it shouldn't matter if they were the product of an analeptic pregnancy with horns growing out of their head, you should look past it.