Does my mom love me too much?

32% Normal
21 Comments

I am an 18 year old girl, and have lived at home for most of my life. I am the only girl in our family, and the youngest,, and my mom has always adored me. When I was little, I was always a mommy's girl, but now it kind of bugs me. Like she won't let me leave home/board at college, etc. because she says, "what would I ever do without you?" And gets all misty eyed. Also, she doesn't get along well at all with my dad, so she tells me all her problems and secrets...not him. She is constantly texting me all day, to see if I'm okay, and if I don't answer within half an hour, she freaks out and thinks I've been killed or something. This is the worst when I am on a date, and the phone keeps buzzing, and I have to either ignore my date and text her back, or I know she will call up all worried. I want to leave home and be independent so much, but whenever I mention moving out she gets tears in her eyes, or says I should wait until she dies, or that I can't move out until I get married. Is this normal? Help!

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32% Normal
Based on 215 votes (69 yes)
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Comments ( 21 )
  • alv1592
    12 years ago

    Tell her how you feel. Tell her you love her, but you're a young woman now and want to be independent. Let her know that you will call and visit often. Even when you're not living at home, you'll still be in touch with her. My mom is okay with me moving as soon as I can afford it, but we'll always be close. My gram and mom have grown apart & she's depressed about it sometimes...so yeah, always stay in touch. Good luck to you.

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      12 years ago

      Thanks so much for the nice comment. I have set a date to move out now...but it's several months away yet. :)

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  • joybird
    12 years ago

    First of all no no no no no!!!
    You cannot live your whole life in order to please your mother. Mine is 73 and 22 years when I got married my dad took me to one side and said, "Thank God you're getting out! Your mom had chosen you to be the one to stay here with us to look after her in her old age." Aaaaaarrrrrrgggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhh!!! That's all I would've needed - no family of my own, although she had that luxury! No thanks, mom!!

    I need you to get this phrase into your head for you to repeat to her every time you go out .....
    " Don't worry Mom, Trouble always finds your door!!"
    What this means is that if you're on a date and killed, the police will be at her door in 5 minutes flat! She won't need to check up on you so much.

    What you also need to do is either leave your phone at home, or tell her you can't find it as you leave the house!! What did we do without them? Easy - we enjoyed our freetime. She will realise that when she can't get in touch with you, you are not dead! Borrow a phone to call a taxi or whatever you need, everyone else has one so you don't need yours on a date.

    Do not be a slave to her whims. I am a mom and I know it's hard to let go AND it's hard for you to hurt her, so start gently with a few of the above. Eventually, you could go and stay with a friend for the weekend ~(without your phone) she is hardly going to call your friend's parents every 15 minutes without seeming like a lunatic!!

    Lose the cell phone obsession - especially around her!! Pretend you don't care where it is anymore, and don't answer texts at once to friends, and don't take it everywhere with you. She must learn that you don't always have it super-glued to your person. If she thinks you have, then she expects to get in touch with you.

    It's up to you but I would cut the ties slowly but surely.

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      12 years ago

      Hey, thanks for the good tips. That is what I call some good advice-giving. Not just one sentence saying "you're crewed" or "tell her to bug off" but some real, brilliant, doable advice. You're a real joy to have on this site joy bird. :)
      It will be hard to pretend I don't have a cellphone obsession. These days everyone is glued to their smartphone. But worth a try!

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      • joybird
        12 years ago

        Thank you pet. My son calls me Dr Phil :o)
        I find it hard to tell my own mother to give me a break so I know where you're coming from.

        You only have to pretend in front of her not to care about your phone :o) but show you are responsible by always getting a taxi home etc. You need to prove that she has no need to worry coz you are a responsible adult and know how to behave (Yeah right ;D)

        Good luck.

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        • Anonymous Post Author
          12 years ago

          Thanks doctor Phil, I get what you're saying about the phone thing! :) And yeah, I am not as responsible as I should be I suppose, and some past incidents with unruly guys that maybe freaked my mom out even more than she was. :( I'll try harder in the future, to both prove myself responsible, and be independent. (hugs)

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  • [Old Memory]
    12 years ago

    wow she has got problems y dont u show her wat i write?!..... tell her to Grow up get a life!

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      12 years ago

      I hope you know how hard it is to say such harsh words to someone you love?

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  • nowimsureimsane
    12 years ago

    Otherwise just crawl in the bed with her.two choices here so pick one.

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  • nowimsureimsane
    12 years ago

    Insectual maternal paranoid pedophile and its a serious disorder you need to distance yourself from her immediately if you are to ever live a sane life on your own.

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  • [Old Memory]
    12 years ago

    its true its so fucked up but she says she loves me its kinda hard to believe!

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      12 years ago

      She obviously loves herself a lot more. Parents are never perfect, but you really got a raw deal. :( I wouldn't talk to her if I were you.

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  • [Old Memory]
    12 years ago

    my mommy problem is that she believes that i wasnt raped she is still going out with the guy that raped me!

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      12 years ago

      Holy cow! I feel so bad for you...if this is true, you do have a terrible, terrible, mom!

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  • [Old Memory]
    12 years ago

    guess i was a lil harsh i got mommy problemz but still she shouldnt hold u back from having a real life!

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      12 years ago

      Sorry that you have Mommy problems. (hugs) I do too, but perhaps a different type.

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  • iluvme22
    12 years ago

    Why dont you talk to her and tell her how you feel?

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      12 years ago

      Because saying any of this to her always makes her soooooo sad, and cry and all that. Like, "can you not understand a mother's love? I am only like this because I love you? Why don't you appreciate me?"

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  • Quiblum
    12 years ago

    Moms can be overprotective. If you don't want to be overwhelmed by her love for you (couldn't think of another way to phrase it, sorry) get out and get independent. I don't get what's stopping you, seriously! You could also find someone else that she could talk to, like a replacement. Or maybe a pet. And totally tell her what you think about this issue, and hopefully she will understand. Otherwise, your social life will be in danger!!! Time to flee the family nest!!!! (Haha, bit dramatic there)

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      12 years ago

      What's stopping me, is that inside, I still have a conscience, and can't bear to hurt people. Sometimes I think becoming independent will have to be gradual, because I really wonder if she might die of depression if I up and ran away...:(

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  • [Old Memory]
    12 years ago

    i love you mom and i know you want me happy so i am ...... fill in the blanks and be kind but firm , she will get over it and still be close to u

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