Does my ettiquate make me a bad person?

18 Comments

I tend to be proper even if I not always seen as warm. For example, if it's Christmas I will buy every single friend a gift. Further, it will be a very well thought out gift since I know my friends very well.

However, I do this mostly out of custom and no one ever remembers me on holidays. I don't mind if I am remembered but it honestly would be nice if someone considered me. However, some find my motives rather upsetting.

If I am following the proper etiquette code though I am doing what is correct. So it really shouldn't matter and when I upset certain people should it? It's not as though my etiquette is with malicious intent to cover up something underhanded. It's simply proper procedure. Like everything else in life. Just a series of procedures.

Yes it does	3
No it doesn't	11

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Comments ( 18 )

RoseIsabella

7 years ago

You're not really obligated to everyone.

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sandnigga

7 years ago

You shouldnt do it because you feel like its some code or something.

You should do it because you want to

Its still nice you get your friends gifts though

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- RoseIsabella
  
  7 years ago
  
  ... word.
  
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xfg43

7 years ago

People don't always follow rules that have been clearly outlined. For example, the girl in my basement has been told repeatedly to poop in the jar and then place it in the bucket. Instead, because she is overweight and claims she needs something to sit on, she poops directly into the bucket. I end up having to clean it everytime.

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- Anonymous Post Author
  
  7 years ago
  
  Why do you have an overweight woman in your basement?
  
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  - RoseIsabella
    
    7 years ago
    
    It puts the the lotion on its skin!
    
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- Jacob_Zuma_783
  
  7 years ago
  
  ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
  
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rayb12

7 years ago

you have every right to give gifts.
they have every right to respond to that however they wish.
you have every right to respond to that response
etc.
And don't take anything personally.

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wigz

7 years ago

If you're the only one in your social circle that does this then it's not 'proper' or a custom.

You might be making your friends feel bad because they didn't get you anything (because it's not their custom, apparently?).

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- Anonymous Post Author
  
  7 years ago
  
  They honestly dont care. Most people only get a gift for thier BEST freind. I tend to get gifts for ALL my freinds. So its not like they are not capable.
  
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  - wigz
    
    7 years ago
    
    Maybe they do care. I know I feel kinda shitty if someone gives me a nice gift and I got nothing for them...and it makes me feel obligated to return the favor (which I don't always do, but the feeling is there nonetheless). And perhaps they can't afford so many gifts?
    
    You can do whatever you want but you aren't owed the reaction you want. And since no one else in your circle does this maybe you should take another look at things and reevaluate if this is appropriate behavior.
    
    If you enjoy gift giving and want people to appreciate it more you could donate gifts to needy/sick children, elderly people in nursing homes etc. If that's not your style then try reddit gift exchanges https://www.redditgifts.com/exchanges/
    
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    - Anonymous Post Author
      
      7 years ago
      
      They really don't care. They don't really notice. That is the point. In fact one complained that the gift I got them wasn't expensive enough. The only one who thinks you are "Owed" anything here are you though. I never said I expect anything from anyone. I simply do it because its correct. If you expect people to give something in return that is good for you though.
      
      You seem to miss the part that this isnt about gift giving. Its about being proper. I dont see what is so hard to get about that. I could not have made this piont anymore clear. Also just becuase no one has manners doesnt mean there isnt a a correct way to behave.
      
      The fact you have 0 decency is good for you. However some of us are raised to behave correctly despite most people not having any manners anymore. You would say "My freinds are jumping off a cliff, I should too".
      
      You understand the meaning of that saying right? Just becuase your freinds do something doesnt mean you have to be a sheep. You have to be smart enough to evaluate if its a good idea or not. Clearly your not sure how to do that and so you would simply follow whatever.
      
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      - wigz
        
        7 years ago
        
        OK, I answered your question in my first response. I said it may not be proper to do what you're doing given the fact that no one else in your social circle does this. What's proper in one situation may be a huge faux pas in another. For example, it's proper to wear a suit and bring an expensive gift to a black tie wedding but if you showed up in a suit with a $300 bottle of wine to a backyard bbq, that makes you look like a pretentious douche and it also makes people uncomfortable and the host typically feels bad. That's essentially my point...you're not taking into account whether it's proper FOR THE CIRCUMSTANCES and you're not acknowledging that you may very well be making people feel bad or uncomfortable. Social and emotional intelligence need to come into play here. You asked if what you're doing makes you a bad person. It MIGHT since that level of gift giving is not customary in your friend group and you might be making your friends look/feel bad. What is more important, your image or your friend's feelings?
        
        If you insist on giving gifts because you think you HAVE to, why not try going with something simple and small (and less personal). Tone it down a bit. Consumables are a good choice, things like candy, maybe an inexpensive (but not bad quality) bottle of liquor, a gas card...etc. Or throw a nice party as your gift and have a little goody bag for everyone to take home. That way you can still give but it's more relaxed and everyone has fun. Or you could donate money to charity in their honor.
        
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        Anonymous Post Author
        
        7 years ago
        
        Its proper regardless. Just because everyone is jumping off the cliff does not mean you have to as well. In the circumstances it is proper to give your freinds and relitives gifts on certien holidays. Its not always nesscary for say valentines unless they are your lover. Its very basic but maybe you are not American and those customs dont exist in your country. So it would seem an odd concept to do so at all. Either way none of this adresses the question asked. There is nothing wrong with the way I choose a gift. As I said I choose the gift very carefully. So that suggestion is not really nesscary. I dont need advice on how to give gifts or when to give them. I already know the procedure.
        
        My etiquette is correct even if sociol skills in general is not the issue here. So if you are judging my worth as a person on that alone and not the motives then I already got an A. I tend to try very hard to do things correctly and put a lot of thought and effort into these things. I really dont need advice on something I already know.
        
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moriartymycroft

7 years ago

do something because you think it's the right thing to do. We don't live back in the day when etiquette was a huge part of life but if it makes you happy keep going.

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- Anonymous Post Author
  
  7 years ago
  
  It is a huge part of life. Why else would we teach it to children?
  
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Cheet0

7 years ago

Learn to spell etiquette and then I can answer...

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Are You Normal?

Does my ettiquate make me a bad person?