Does he not care

Take the first step. Stop feeling sorry for yourself, take yourself to a lingerie store and buy something sexy. Use the weekend to spice things up and don't feel inhibited. He's obviously working very hard, which can be distracting. and 20 years of marriage can easily turn into a roommate situation...but don't wait for him to change this. Do it yourself. Rock a sexy teddy and show him how much you miss him!

My ex-wife and I were in a similar situation years ago. She was sound alseep every time I came home from work and it got really old and really tired. She strongly encouraged me to get a new job or change the hours I worked. We had a young child and she really liked her job so she did not want to change it. I got to spend the mornings and some of the afternoon with our child before I went to work so we did not use day care for more than a few hours so the schedules had some benefits for our family but it was hard on our relationship.

My marriage ended in divorce and a few years later I switched to more traditional work hours. I think the schedule conflict contributed to the divorce and it certainly had an impact on the quality of our relationship.

My advice?

Sit down and search jobs and let him in on it IF he shows any interests otherwise he may get offended and turned off by it.

If there is any possibility of you changing your work schedule then consider it.

Try adjusting your schedule so that you are awake when he comes home IF he tends to stay awake for a few hours before he goes to bed.

I got really tired of hearing my wife complain abot my work schedule especially since I had that job before we married. It may not help to keep reminding him how much you dislike his schedule. He knows it and he gets it but he may just need a little help and support from you to make such a big change.

Best of luck to you. Do all you can to make being home the most important time in his day every day. Men have such simple needs it seems. Agood food, good sex and the needs to feel like we are our woman's hero.

I agree with Rulerofthenight, why does he have to change? Maybe he feels the same way and would like you to get a new job?

Well have you thought of changing your work schedual as well ? seem like you want him to do all the changing. I agree with country road you should take his advice and do someting to spice up the marriage.

Who wants to read all that?

To all, thanks for the input. I have changed my work schedule, I work from home 3 days out of 5 in the hopes we can actually see each other more than once or twice a week. I have spiced the heck out of things even to the point visiting him on his lunch breaks at work with the RV to spend some "quality" time together. I don't bring up his schedule or even talk about it after my initial request for some sort of change (hence my post on here to discuss it with someone). All that is left for me to believe now is the salary difference. I make the bulk of the money as in I am at least 50k over his salary. Although his salary is not peanuts and he does fairly well I do make more and I think this is his way of still being in control a bit.

Counseling.