Does he dislike my body or am i insecure?
I can't believe I'm actually doing this, but here goes nothing.
I apologize if this gets lengthy, I'll try to fit in all the details without writing a novel.
I should start by saying that I spent a majority of my childhood as "the fat kid." I spent my high school years using my personality and sense of humor as a way to mask the fact that I was completely and utterly disgusted by my overweight body.
Fast forward 5 years, I've lost the weight I have always battled with. I'm down to a size 7-8, 5'9" tall. I have a pretty large frame, wear size 11 shoes if that gives an idea...
A year ago I started dating this great guy. We share all the same values, dreams for life, views, important things that would maintain a long term relationship.
The only problem is I think he may secretly dislike my body. He got his degree in exercise physiology, very athletic, very health conscious in terms of exercise.
He hates fat people, which means anything or anyone remotely overweight. He comes from a very athletic, metabolically gifted family (the ones who are under weight even though they eat enough at each meal to feed a whole army) and has never really battled with his weight, though he is very body critical towards himself.
When we first started dating, he never seemed super interested in me like every other guy I've dated has. Didn't tell me I was pretty, (not that I need that all the time, it was just strange). He's not super gifted in terms of tact with women tho, (he's pretty nerdy and shy) so I brushed it off. When we would go places, he would point out girls whose bodies weren't much bigger than mine and comment about how fat they were, or how gross it was that they were wearing shorts in public, etc. I didn't even think of them as fat, just average, so I got concerned. I told him it was confusing how he could find my body attractive when he seemed so disgusted by girls who's bodies weren't much bigger than mine.
He responded saying that my body type definitely isn't his favorite, he likes thin runners bodies, but that doesn't mean I'm not attractive. I overreacted and felt very hurt for awhile, but eventually got over it.
He's made comments during conversations that he just wasn't as physically infatuated with me as he was in previous relationships, but he still is attracted to me and that having a perfect body doesn't make a perfect relationship. Which is hurtful and comforting at the same time?
He knows I have 15lbs left that I want to lose, I've been eating healthy and working out. He says things like "you're pretty," but then when we were shopping the other day he said I should wait to get down to my goal weight before I buy a swimsuit so I can really look good in it.
The other day he told me in an *attempted* flirty way "hey I was thinking about you the other day and what you'd look like with a flat stomach." He knows I am most insecure about my stomach... I know he means well... But that really hurts. A lot of people have told me they think I'm thin, and seemed surprised at my weight loss, but to him I feel like I'm not thin enough.
He jokes and tells me I dress like a pregnant woman because all of my shirts are baggy and look like maternity clothes. I don't wear super skin tight clothes or dresses, because I still have a little bit of a pooch on my stomach. It's not like I wear potatoe sacks tho. I like peplum dresses and things that compliment my body shape. But now I don't feel attractive when I dress up because to him I look frumpy.
He doesn't understand why I don't feel attractive around him. He doesn't get why I don't initiate physical intimacy with him or feel sexy even tho he "tells me I'm pretty."
The problem is, this is really hurting my already low self esteem. My question is, am I being too sensitive and critical about these things because of my self esteem issues? Or is it normal to feel this way. He is talking about marriage a lot recently, I know he loves me, but I'm hesitant about committing to a marriage to someone who doesn't seem to be that into my body... Any advice is appreciated. Thanks for reading!