Does christmas seems less chearful as the years go by?

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I remember when Christmas time was a thing I couldn't wait for. The joy, the fancy Christmas tree, spending the holidays at my grandparents place, the cheery Christmas music, their massive smiles, the presents, the snow, it was all so beautiful...

But as time went on, my grandparents died out. My parents aged. And I've watched them slowly age every year... My Christmas cheer turned into a bitter sweet mess.
All I can see in past Christmases now is sadness.

I've always made sure I spend Christmas and New year with my parents, or at least Christmas... It's important to me and more importantly... critical to them. This year is no exception. I love my parents and want to be there and spend more time together. Except this time my girlfriend is along for the ride. And this creates an issue...

You see, when I get back home for Christmas it's always the same thing. We'd do the cheery stuff, have dinner and after dinner my mom would go immediately to bed. She can't stay up late. Me and my dad would have some whiskey and watch a movie halfway through and then my dad would get tired and go to bed too. Leaving me alone with my happiness vanishing and a box set of all the sadness and depression from past winters and all of my depressive thoughts appearing for the future. I love my mom and dad dearly, they are incredible, compassionate and loving parents and great people, but this is eating me from the inside.
Knowing my mom and dad are getting older and weaker and Christmas time seems to be the time that highlights this the most. Knowing one very sad Christmas approaches, where there won't be three of us... There will be two. One of my parents will be dead. That's the thing I dread.

So I'd drink a bottle of whiskey and drink myself to sleep every Christmas night, been doing it for the past 5 years. But this time my girlfriend is there with me. I can't do this. I can't drink myself into unconsciousness all teary eyed... I don't want her, or my parents seeing this little spectacle, or that part of my depression and sadness I hide away.

Anyone else feel like this around Christmas?

Thank you for anyone reading this.

Voting Results

88% Normal

Based on 24 votes (21 yes)

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Comments ( 19 )

barefoot_on_the_sand

5 years ago | pl

Enjoy the time with your folks while you still have them.
My family is all gone. My Christmas is always a bit sad, having no one to hug.

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- Nicole20
  
  5 years ago
  
  You'll get plenty of virtual {{{{hugs}}}
  
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  - barefoot_on_the_sand
    
    5 years ago
    
    Back atcha.
    
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- megadriver
  
  5 years ago
  
  I try my best, but when it comes to personal stuff, I am very emotional. Not a desirable trait for a man, but I'm stuck with it. Good thing I can shut off the emotions at work and be stone cold, otherwise I'd probably be constantly broke...
  
  I enjoy good times with my parents and feel like I'm on top of the world. But when I get tangled in depressing thoughts like these, mostly around Christmas, I get sad, I feel terrible and so I don't start crying like a weak baby, I drink, dull the pain, forget and fall asleep.
  
  Also if I could, I'd give you a hug.
  
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  - barefoot_on_the_sand
    
    5 years ago
    
    It's ok to get emotional in times like this. Wishing you a merry xmas.
    
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donteatstuffoffthesidewalk

5 years ago

so yallre sad cause yall cant stay up late gittin shitfaced & feelin sorry for yallself?

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Nicole20

5 years ago

Maybe you'll die first.

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SwickDinging

5 years ago

When you have your own children the magic will return. You'll create your own traditions and giving them a magical Christmas will make you very happy. Try and look forward to this and enjoy what time you have left with your parents. It's a shame to waste the good times you still have worrying about future loss.

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RoseIsabella

5 years ago

Try to make the best of the time you've got, because it's running out for everyone, and that candle don't stop burning till it's out.

Why don't you start out by making a gratitude list?

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JD777

5 years ago

You have to make your own happiness. It's sad when loved ones get old and then pass away eventually, but it happens and we move on. Enjoy them while they are still around and make it a special day for you and your gf.

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Lestat565

5 years ago

I’ve never enjoyed Christmas. I don’t like or spend time with my family at all. We have a short time on this sad little planet. All we can do is tell those few people we care about what they mean to us. Your story isn’t all that special. Your parents likely had these same feelings at one time or another. Part of growing up is realizing that nothing lasts forever. They will die one day and so will you. But they are lucky. They have someone that cares in you. Not everyone gets that much and with hope when it’s your time you can have the same. Death is a natural thing. It happens to us all. Look forward to today cause none of us are guaranteed a tomorrow.

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andithoughtiwasweird

5 years ago

invite more family dumbass. or if you ever marry this woman, u can do Christmas with her family, with your parents there too.

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[Old Memory]

5 years ago

Normal. I think I've seen some articles saying that some people feel more depressed around the holidays.

If you compare the slow decline created by, or reinforced by aging to the blissful, life-filled days of past Christmases, of course it pales woefully.

There's a saying by Dr. Seuss, though- Don't cry because it's over; smile because it happened."

When what they dread finally happens, some people find that they're stronger than they thought.

You'll always have the good memories of your parents and the time you spent with them. Idk, that may seem sad at first, as memories are not a replacement, but they're as real as anything else, because they definitely happened.

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chuy

5 years ago

Christmas has lost it's spark, we used to do it big but now a days it goes by just like any other regular day/night. No gathering or very short if any, same with dinner. And presents same shit.

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McBean

5 years ago

The problem here is lack of grandchildren. Without them, Christmas isn't so special. But, that whiskey sounds good. Perhaps you should spend quality time with your parents through out the year. Let them live vicariously through your successes; give them kindness while you still can. It's your last chance to make an effort to make them feel good. They won't last forever.

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- megadriver
  
  5 years ago
  
  I do my best for them. I do spend quality time with them. But sadly, we can only spend about a 2-3 weeks together in the summer, I still need a week for beach time, mostly cause of my girlfriend and a week in winter during the holidays, cause I live and work in Germany. I will get back to Bulgaria in the next 5-7 years and then we can spend a lot more time together, since they live in a house in the mountains, an hour drive away from our apartment, where I'll be living.
  
  They do feel good when I'm around, but it's always a bit bittersweet, cause I know they won't last forever. And they are the people I love most in my life.
  
  As for grandchildren, too early. Kids are expensive, kids in Germany are really damn expensive. When I move back to Bulgaria, I do wish to start a family with my girlfriend.
  
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  - McBean
    
    5 years ago
    
    Christmas is sort of bittersweet for everybody. Pontificate a bit when you have a shot of that sipping whiskey with your Mom and Dad. You'll remember those moments after they are gone. That is when your memories will become your treasures.
    
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leggs91200

5 years ago

I think the REAL joy for Christmas when we are kids is knowing we are going to get a bunch of neat presents. If not for that, none of the other crap like decorations or Xmas music would even matter.

Also when we are kids, our only job is to show up and enjoy. As we get older, we are then the ones trying to make the holiday happen and it is more work than fun.

Plus things like thieves really step up their game around the holidays so you have to guard shot with your life. Christmas music is shoved down our throats. There are family obligations.
Also I remember a couple years in the news they were snidely talking about how cops were planning on making record numbers of arrests for the holidays.

So now that we are grown, it is true that christmas is less cheerful. it is more headaches than anything. I just treat it like any other time of year. My room mate and i are having a turkey dinner for ourselves, that is the extent of "Christmas" this year. It is also more than I normally hassle with.

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noid

5 years ago

Just tell her how you feel.

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Are You Normal?

Does christmas seems less chearful as the years go by?