Do you think that aa/na is a cult?

I'm going to tell you my story, but for the sake of keeping it short, I'm going to try to not get too much into all the details.

In 2012 and 2013 some horrible things happened to me, and it pushed me to a point where I tried to kill myself. I did so by getting shitfaced drunk and high and then swallowing a ton of pills in my room. My parents found me before it was too late and I ended up in the ICU, where they saved my life.

Now at that stage, because of my depression, I was drinking heavily and also using weed almost every day as a form of self medication. I was deemed a danger to myself and I was told that an institution was the only way to go. Now because of the alcohol and weed usage, and having a shitty health plan, the doctors said that it'd be best that the institution be a rehab because that's the only kind of mental health institution that our insurance covered. I agreed because they said that the rehab also treats severe depression and I wanted to get better. Little did I know that the rehab I was headed too, was an AA/NA rehab.

When I arrived, the staff told my parents that they would handle it from there and that they could go home whilst I was in another room and that it was best that they don't say goodbye for my own safety. This rehab was in another city far from home where I didn't know anyone.

The first thing they did when I arrived was ask me what drugs I have used in my life and I told them because I wanted to get fixed. A guard then strip searched me and took everything I had except for my clothes. This includes my phone, wallet, keys, etc. I was told that I would get it back after my stay. From thereon I was completely locked off from the outside world.

Now keep in mind that this was a strictly AA/NA rehab. I was forbidden any form of entertainment. Not even music or a book, except a bible of course(I'm an atheist). Any attempts to leave the premises or disobey orders would be considered a RHT(Refusing Hospital Treatment) and would result in legal action taken against me since I was deemed "a danger to myself/others" by a medical professional. They were also getting paid shit tons of money for me to stay there. I was not allowed to make any phone calls during my first two weeks in treatment, and after that I would only get 15 minutes on the phone per week. I was also not allowed visitors in my first two weeks of stay. Keep in mind that I was suffering from severe depression at this time and didn't want to live anymore.

I was woken up at 5:30AM every morning and had to spring clean my entire room every single day with my roommates. By 6AM it was inspection time. If anything in my room didn't fucking sparkle, I would get punished by getting extra chores during the day. After that we would have breakfast, made by the inmates and then go for a mandatory walk around the block, like dogs. After that it was chore time.

I would spend the rest of the morning scrubbing floors, cleaning pools, raking leafs, washing dishes, cleaning tables etc. Then group therapy began.

During group therapy I was asked what drugs I used. I told them that I used alcohol and weed but that my actual problem was depression and that I was told they would help me with it, hence the reason I was booked in. Upon hearing that I abused drugs, I was immediately told that I was an addict and that the alcohol and drugs were the cause of all the problems in my life and the 12 step program was my solution.

I then told them that abusing a substance doesn't make you an addict and that I only abused those substances because I had no other way to cope and if my depression could be fixed, I would no longer have the need to abuse them.

This of course resulted in hysterical laughter from everyone, including the counselor.

"Weed poisons your mind to think that way. It's the worst drug in the world, worse than heroin and meth. Weed has made you delusional, you can't think rational anymore, you can't trust your own thoughts right now, listen to us", they said. I then asked if they could provide me with scientific evidence for this claim. They said only AA/NA documentation was allowed inside the facility. I was also told that refusing to admit being an addict would be considered RHT. From thereon I was forced to call myself an addict in denial for the remainder of my stay even though I knew for a fact that I was not addicted to weed.

I was forced to attend AA and NA meetings twice per week where I was told that I am helpless to my problem and that the only way I would ever be able to live a normal life again was to follow the 12 step program for the rest of my life and attend at least one meeting every week for the rest of my life. I was told what a horrible person I am every single day and how I let everyone I loved down by using the drugs I used.

After a while of being exposed to this I started losing my mind. I couldn't take it anymore. These people were crazy, they were liars, and I was forced to be a part of them. I was forced to recite prayers and phrases every single day. They had these rituals with candles and everything.

Eventually I snapped. I went crazy and went into their offices and hysterically demanded that I call my parents. "No problem, go ahead", they said with a grin on their faces. I called my mom up in tears, telling her that I need to get out of this place and she said "you are lying, you are a drug addict, you have been lying and manipulating us all this time. You are using hard drugs. We will no longer be fooled by you. You will stay in there and complete your course or we will get a court order against your name."

At that moment I lost all hope. I was speechless, devastated. They lied to my parents. They called them while I was in there and told them that I admitted to doing hard drugs and that I'm actually a real drug addict. I fell into silence. I no longer protested against their insane ways. I had no other choice but to shut out the world and start living within my own head.

Eventually after weeks, my family was allowed to visit. My sister came along. She could see something was wrong. She saw I was soulless. She asked me what was wrong and I immediately burst into tears and told the story. She went into a rage at my parents and convinced them to book me out right away.

I left that wicked place and never looked back. It was finally over.

After that I had to endure months of therapy to be able to function normally again. I was too afraid to go outside. I was afraid that they would lock me up in there again. I still get nightmares to this day. Stay away from AA/NA. They are a horrible horrible organization. There are many people who have had similar experiences as me, just very few who speak out about it.

Since I got over the worst part of my depression through normal therapy, my drinking and smoking has gone down to almost nonexistent. I still have a beer with my mates every now and then but that's about it.