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I'm curious as to whether people discipline their kids when they're bad. In my opinion, there are some kids that are in need of a good butt whupping.
| I spank them when they're bad | 16 | |
| I spank them even when they're not bad | 7 | |
| I don't hit them, I just yell/ground | 18 | |
| I don't discipline my kids at all | 2 | |
| comment | 6 |
Spanking teaches kids:
- hitting is a technique for resolving conflict
- resentment towards those who hit them
- avoid getting caught
- fear the abuser
Spanking doesn't teach kids:
- how to calm down during a tantrum
- skills to resolve their conflicts without violence
(**those who use physical punishment to discipline their children were victims of physical punishment themselves)
Physical punishment can work momentarily to stop problematic behavior because children are afraid of being hit, but it doesn’t work in the long term.Remaining calm during a child’s tantrums is the best approach, coupled with time outs when needed and a consistent discipline plan that rewards good behavior. Parents should talk with their children about appropriate means of resolving conflicts. Building a trusting relationship can help children believe that discipline isn’t arbitrary or done out of anger.
The United Nations Committee on the Rights of the Child issued a directive in 2006 calling physical punishment “legalized violence against children” that should be eliminated in all settings through “legislative, administrative, social and educational measures.” The treaty that established the committee has been supported by 192 countries, with only the United States and Somalia failing to ratify it.
I agree with this. It seems to me that physical punishment accustoms children to how people can be mean to them, whereas loving treatment can promote loving behaviour.
If you've raised them with respect and love, they are less likely to turn to drugs. You don't HAVE to use physical punishment.
And yes, I've helped raise teens.
Actually, one of my family members turned to drugs and she wasn't spanked either. Her parents loved her also.
From my experience, you don't need to make children fear you. You claim to have studied psychology (amongst other shit) yet you have no concept of the psychological effects of such a thing?
I don't know how I feel about spanking as a whole, as I don't have any children, and there may be some ocassions where it's appropriate.
I'm being very honest and vulnerable in saying this, but I do consider myself to be an adult child of a dysfunctional family. I couldn't agree more with your statement that, "you don't need to make children fear you"! I can't think of anyone I fear for whom I have even an ounce of respect! I naturally resent those people who instill fear in me.
If I were in a burning building and there was a person I feared on one end and someone I loved on the other I think I would instinctively save the one I loved!
It wasn't judgement. I was paraphrasing and quoting information from the American Psychological Association's website.
It's just my preference, but I prefer the conclusions of research-based evidence to the anecdotal rantings of a dysfunctional parent.
Discipline is not yelling or hitting or any of that. To discipline them you teach them manners and how they should behave, not hurt them for doing something that isn't correct. You have to explain to them why what they did was wrong or they'll only avoid doing it because they'll be hit. That's not teaching them anything except to be afraid of you. Reinforce the positives, explain away the negatives.
Spanking and hitting never worked on me. I simply got use to the pain. And yelling for hours didnt work either. Id end up tuning them out. In my opinion kids should be sat down and told why what they did is wrong, who it affects, and why. Teach them to be better people, rather than just getting them use to yelling and pain.
As most teens consider everybody else to be the stupidest creatures ever to live, I don't think most can be "be sat down and told why what they did is wrong, who it affects, and why."
I found that with a child labeled as "ungovernable" by the state of Florida, a fear of serious physical punishment was sufficient to keep her from using drugs and keep her alive, and not even the fear of incarceration by her social workers worked like the fear of what I would do to her if she took drugs.
Sorry, but IMO there is a place for the threat of corporal punishment, especially these days, where kids get almost anything the want, handed to them on a silver platter.
As above, it's the foundations that are important. If a child is explained to, treated with respect, and disciplined (not physically punished) from a young age, then it becomes ingrained.
I don't know what stage you got the kid you're talking about in, but it sounds like the damage was already done in that situation. That's hardly applicable to every child.
Some kids that may work better on. It didnt work on me at all. For me it was better to explain things. I guess itd be more of a case by case basis, what works best on that individual.
I don't have any kids, but I like some of the stuff that I've read about hunter-gatherer ways of treating children, which involves not physically punishing them and treating them as individuals with the same rights as adults.