Do most nice guys have low self-esteem?

17 Comments

I like nice guys, and have so far been in 3 relationships with sweet, caring men. However, all of them have had low self esteem. Low self esteem I define as someone with no drive, ambition, and unhappy in their job, but with no plans to change/do anything about it.

To me this is very unattractive. I cannot be with someone who isn't happy with themselves and what they are achieving.

I hate arrogant, cocky guys. But those seem to be the only ones with a drive, plan/ambition.

So, my question is, do most nice/sweet/caring guys have low self esteem? And if so, why?

Yes 23
No 11
Maybe 18
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Comments ( 17 )
  • kingofcarrotflowers
    8 years ago

    I don't agree with your definition of low self esteem, I have incredibly low self esteem, I seek and crave validation from anyone and everyone ( and hide it ) I have social anxiety, have an intense fear o being judged and pretty much hate myself

    But

    I changed my situation by loosing a ton of weight, I have ambition, I'm volunteering as a youth worker again and plan to continue psychology by going to humanities and social science which leads to a uni course, I'm constantly working to improve my guitar playing skills and I'm studying music theory and I'm writing a series of novellas,

    Low self esteem does not mean no ambition

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  • Myghoul2099
    8 years ago

    i think everybody has low self esteem.

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  • Tommythecat.
    8 years ago

    No. Thats fucking stupid.

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  • Lonely2
    8 years ago

    The real question is why are you attracted to men with low self esteem?

    You may feel intimidated by men with high self esteem becauuse they have options and make things happen...in other words they dont need you....

    Cockiness is not high self esteem in fact its false bravado to hide low self esteem

    Ambition is not the same as self esteem either....some may have both...but its not the same

    High self esteem is a quiet confidence...they are not arrogant nor pushy nor even necessarily ambitious although they are ambitious in the sense of becoming the most they can be...they will not be bullied or manipulated but they can forgive and know that loving another gives strength

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  • LizardSkin
    8 years ago

    Look another bitch complaining about men. You know what I don't like? The average American woman. And I'm fucking American.

    Nothing but entitled lustful domineering whores. Being single is a blessing in this country.

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    • sillygirl77
      8 years ago

      Damn angry much? I'm not an entitled lustful domineering whore and I'm American.

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      • LizardSkin
        8 years ago

        Angry? Somewhat I suppose. I play it up a bit on here because this place is full of trolls. That's the world we live in today. You're either a wolf or a sheep.

        I speak my mind 100 no sugar-coating necessary.


        The problem is these dumb women are more shallow the most men, and are always looking for their next 'upgrade.' They even fight over the 'best looking' men(players,) hoping he will finally stop the musical chairs and pick them, so average men are left with dick in hand. That's just reality.

        If you don't fall into this category good for you. Most do from my experience and observation.

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        • sillygirl77
          8 years ago

          Sounds like a god awful existence playing musical chairs. Glad I'm married and content!

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          • LizardSkin
            8 years ago

            Lucky you. I wish I was as fortunate maybe I'd be less angry. :/

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  • bubblyblonde1999
    8 years ago

    Yes, most really nice guys usually think that because they are nice, they aren't going to get anywhere in life. Most of the time, it's because they've been raised with big mean dad's who constantly tell them 'its a dog eat dog out there and anyone who's soft is going to get eaten'

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    • 53739
      8 years ago

      I agree with you on this. My dad is super cool and he never said anything like that to me, but we are all influenced by both our family and society. Nice guys probably started out as being super confident and happy kids who were also nice. But the downside to being nice is that a lot of times people see it as some kind of invitation to walk all over you, and always make you agree with their opinions or ideas, or pressure you into doing things that they want. And when that happens often it can leave an impact on your character or personality. So even if guys who are nice started out being happy, after a couple years those same nice guys could become nice and depressed with low self esteem.

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  • mysistersshadow
    8 years ago

    Nice guys finish last for a reason. They are holding the door for everyone else to go thru first.

    I think I can relate to the OP I am unhappy trying to have a relationship with both sad low self esteem guys and cocky jerk guys. Trying to find a balance of drive plus niceness is tricky.

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  • [Old Memory]
    8 years ago

    Morals and self esteem are unrelated. There are nice confident guys and mean guys with low selfesteem. Maybe you just keep going for similar personality traits, which is common to do.

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  • Arm0se
    8 years ago

    If I'm not happy at least someone should be. That's how I see it :/

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  • Tealights
    8 years ago

    The problem here is you. Niceness alone does not mean he's a great man.

    Next to liking/accepting his personality and him as a person in general, the attributes you should be looking for are confidence (not egoistic/arrogant), assertiveness (someone who isn't a puss), great communication skills, who isn't controlling/possessive/abusive, and is currently working toward a goal in life.

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