Do i keep her, or do i throw this one back?

48% Normal
22 Comments

I've been dating this girl for about a month now. She's really nice, attractive, and we have a lot of things in common. But she's also really awkward.

When I try to have more intimate conversations with her, she usually just stares off into space and then looks back at me and says, "What?!"

I keep asking her what she's thinking and how she feels about me, but she can't seem to muster an answer. She usually says, "I don't know" or "I'm not sure what you want me to say" or "I don't understand what you're asking". One time when I really pressed her for an answer, she said "I think I like you!" but then when I asked her to explain what she liked about me she went silent again.

This is just so frustrating. I think this might be a dead end and any more time spent with her would be a waste of time.

Voting Results
48% Normal
Based on 40 votes (19 yes)
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Comments ( 22 )
  • Grumpycowpyjamas
    9 years ago

    Oh my goodness, this girl must be my twin. She's probably just scared. The prospect of being intimate is really scary for some people, you've just got to be patient with her, and tell her that you really like her, reassure her that you do, and slowly, she will come around. I can't explain why it's so scary, but it is for me, and your gf.

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    • shuggy-chan
      9 years ago

      My guess is sorta a combo of inexpereance with relationships in genreal and confidence that cause you to be shy about the "big stuff"

      Like how you really feel and etc. But I can tell you that when you get older, you realize that ain't nobody got time for that. And will probably be a little more direct on what you feel and how you feel

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      9 years ago

      I thought about this and I'm trying to be very patient but it's hard. It makes me feel bad that she can barely say that she likes me after a month of seeing each other.

      She also has trouble looking me in the eyes, and at times when I look at her she seems uncomfortable. I think she's very attractive so I end up just gazing at her sometimes. But then if she notices she'll say "What? Why are you looking at me like that?!" and I'll feel super awkward.

      I don't really know what I can do to make her feel more comfortable around me.

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      • Tommythecat.
        9 years ago

        Total dead weight. Dump that waste.

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  • wistfulmaiden
    9 years ago

    If you have to ask yourself this question you should not keep her.

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  • [Old Memory]
    9 years ago

    She sounds a bit slow.

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      9 years ago

      She's not when we have more casual conversations though. It's only when we start to get more intimate that she gets like this.

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      • [Old Memory]
        9 years ago

        That kind of thing would piss me off. If i were in your situation I would leave. She obviously does not know what she wants and seems to be playing childish little games and being avoidant.

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  • Fall_leaves
    9 years ago

    If she hasn't made any sexualadvances or shared her feelings with you then I think she views you as more of a friend.

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      9 years ago

      Well we did make out a few times but not anything more than that. And I had her back at my place over the weekend, but she didn't seem too interested in going beyond that and then left shortly after.

      She talks about her guy friends sometimes and I brought this up asking if she saw me as different than the other guys, and she said "Are you saying we should just be friends?" And I said no, not at all. She didn't really respond to the question directly though. I think she mentioned that they lived far away and I was close or something like that.

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      • Fall_leaves
        9 years ago

        I guess you've never dated a girl that doesn't know what she wants or is insecure? It just sounds like she isn't sure and is uncomfortable in intimate situations, I was pretty awkward and unsure in my first relationship.

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  • Anonymous Post Author
    9 years ago

    Well I gave her one more chance and I'm done. I feel really terrible now. I was trying so hard to be patient for her but I can't continue to go on like this.

    When I touch her, when I play with her hair, when I look at her she flinches. I'm trying to show her that I care about her and she doesn't seem to understand. "Why are you doing that??" she actually said. Because I like you and it feels good when I touch you. How is that not obvious? Are you even human?

    And then when I ask her what's wrong she gives me a weird look like I'm the crazy one. This is just too painful for me.

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  • mcook2014
    9 years ago

    sounds to me like she deserves someone better, or she isnt feeling this relationship and dosent want to hurt you. if you have to ask a bunch of strangers online for relationship advice then its not worth it. plus to me it seems like you just want to "get some" than actually be in a relationship with her.

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  • Anonymous Post Author
    9 years ago

    Meh. I haven't texted her since Friday and she hasn't tried to contact me either. Still not sure if I'm going to pursue this one.

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  • Faceless
    9 years ago

    Just put her in a headlock and interrogate her vigorously.

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  • derpyderp
    9 years ago

    Have you tried spelling it out for her?

    Tell her exactly how you feel, politely mention that you can't quite tell what her thoughts are on the subject & ask her point blank exactly what is going on between the two of you...

    Might be embarrassing & you may not get the answer you want but you will know where you stand...

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      9 years ago

      Yes, I have. But she just gives me this weird look and shrugs. Or sometimes she says, "I don't know what you're talking about."

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      • derpyderp
        9 years ago

        OK, IMO then she's not that into you.
        If you're making things REAL clear & easy with no response & getting nothing then it may be a dead end...

        Sorry dude but bitches be trippin!
        No but seriously it's hard when they don't know, or won't say, what they really want...

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  • NeuroNeptunian
    9 years ago

    I have the same exact problem myself. When my boyfriend tries to get verbal reinforcement of emotions, I'm just like "derp". I used to be able to force myself to do it but I just can't anymore. I'm spending time you, man, we have a great relationship, if I need to tell you "I love you", "I want to be with you", obviously you are not appreciating any of the time we spend together.

    I don't say "I like smoking cigarettes", I just light up and smoke. I don't say "I like eating food", I just eat my food. I shouldn't have to say "I love you", it should be evident in my actions. Words = meaningless.

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  • KeepsakeDoll
    9 years ago

    I think she's just new at being intimate with people. Might have to take it slow and be patient.

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  • LizardSkin
    9 years ago

    She sounds shy, that's so cute. I'd keep her.

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  • thegypsysailor
    9 years ago

    Sounds like a pretty backwards relationship. I hear this complaint from women about men, all the time; "He won't talk to me about his feelings".
    Well, now the shoe is on the other foot :)
    I don't think we can answer your question. How much do you require verbal reinforcement of the feelings in your relationship? What are your needs and can she supply them? For whatever reason she cannot share her feelings, it may or may not be something she can or wants to change.

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