Do i expect too much?

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9 Comments

I have been married for 7 years, we have a 3 year old daughter. I don't expect a spotless house, or dinner on the table every night when I come home, or sex every night...I worked 40 hours a weeks an used to work 60+ before i switched jobs....my wife is a stay at home mom....I work, and have a side business, plus im a very active father to my child. My house is constantly a mess...laundry, trash, dirty floors....papers everywhere....the house only gets clean if I help. The dinner only gets cooked if I help. I'm SICK of it. A few years ago our dining room table was piled high with clothes and mail for A year. For 6 months I waited for it to get cleaned off...then for 6 months I fought with her to clean it (was all her stuff) until one day I snapped and took an hour and a half to clean it....6 months later, same thing.....it never ends. It's depressing. My wife gets whatever she wants.....I work to make everyone happy, and just expect a mediocre house in return....and have to yell and fight....she says she is constantly exhausted and can't keep up with one kid...we live in a smaller house, with one kid. And she is a stay at home mom!!!!how do women with 2 kids do it in a bigger house AND go to work?

Am I just an asshole like she says?

Leave a comment and let me know what you think. Be honest.

Voting Results
60% Normal
Based on 20 votes (12 yes)
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Comments ( 9 )
  • ScooterNyne
    9 years ago

    The stay at home parent model is dead. You're gonna be working your ass off and coming home to that until some sort of ultimatum is reached.

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  • modernism
    9 years ago

    You're not expecting too much. It's completely possible to do that and although you have to understand that it can and will be hard for her, she should be able to do it.

    You should really sit down with her (not yell) and tell her everything you're telling us. Don't let her make you think that you're having unrealistic standards - you aren't. If she really doesn't have any other issues or distractions (such as a disorder or something), then she should be able to hold up her own part. Also let her tell you explain herself.

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  • KeepsakeDoll
    9 years ago

    Nope, you're not expecting much.

    If you're truly unhappy you might want to think of moving on or giving her an ultimatum. Small stressors eventually stack up and cause problems to the body, so do be careful.

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  • pastor_of_muppets
    9 years ago

    I think your wife is depressed because of living in a routine.

    I do agree that it really isn't too much to expect a clean house and food on the table.. Let her understand in a nice way that if the house is properly clean that the other days is just maintenance.

    Have you done research on your way before you married her? Was she always a slob? How was her childhood household circumstances? Was her mom slobby?

    Whatever you decide to do don't fight with her about it..and stop being so passive aggressive. Leaving stuff for a year hoping she will catch your telepathic hints.

    Come home, help her clean, make it a bonding experience. Woo her even. Your passion is dead, man.

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  • thegypsysailor
    9 years ago

    I'm kinda doubting your marriage vows included "and keep the house clean'. If you love your woman and don't want to create a bunch of friction in your home, I would suggest hiring a maid a couple of days a week.
    Since you work so much, it should be financially feasible, and it could motivate your wife to do more cleaning.
    The depression idea is also a real possibility, as is a biological reason for her tiredness, so those are things you should check out with her doctor.
    Big ugly scenes and arguments would be counterproductive and could easily end your marriage.

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    • NeuroNeptunian
      9 years ago

      This, actually.

      The main reason for fights between my Aunt and Unce are due to housekeeping duties. My Aunt is chronically ill and mentally ill. It's 100% possible that your wife is ill in some manner. Being a housewife is challenging in its own way, that your entire life purpose is just to take care of a pissy husband and you guys' fuck trophy and clean a house day in and day out...

      Maybe you two should reconsider her being a stay at home Mom. Maybe she needs a way to get out of the house and find a non-domestic purpose, like a job or volunteering. Take care of this NOW or it WILL get worse down the road.

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  • Jamforlife2010
    5 years ago

    I feel you may not want to have anymore kids with her. The woman are today are not like the mothers of yeaster year. The kids do play a big role in this problem of yours. Ask her if the kids are helping enough and if they are not then they should. I had the same problems with my stay at home mother. Garbage cans in every room! They don’t have to be big, but are a must. Laundry basket in every bedroom and bathroom is a must. Make the kids put away there close and do not budge on it. Make them use the baskets and do not budge on it either. You don’t have to bear your kids just take things they love away a punishment. If you have any more questions just ask in comments

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  • (s)aint
    9 years ago

    You don't expect too much BUT the first thought that came to my mind was that she might not be fully capable of handling cleaning, cooking AND a child at the same time. I don't want to come across as someone who hides behind my diagnosis but for me with ADHD it would be too much to expect me to be able to keep a house tidy at all times.
    Talk to her, if she cannot take care of the house properly she should get a part-time job so that she at least contributes with something.

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  • deepthought33
    9 years ago

    Is she depressed or have an addiction of some sort?

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