Did my cousin rape me?

29% Normal

Two years ago, when I was 16, my cousin who was in his early 30s and divorced was living with my brothers and I. We were under the covers watching a movie when my cousin started touching me. He rubbed my breasts and then slipped his hands into my panties, and penetrated me with his finger. I pushed his arm hard, trying to get him to stop but he seemed to not notice or not care. I was scared, but this was all very new to me, and I didn't know what to do. That night when everyone else left, he stayed in my room, asleep. Then in the middle of the night he woke up, and took off my clothes and got on top of me. I lay still, not daring to move. He only partially penetrated me, and never ejaculated, but he did penetrate me orally as well. I was too scared to tell anyone, and once the initial terror subsided, I felt myself craving his attention. He assured me he loved me very much, would rather be with me than anyone, so naturally I felt flattered and kind of fell for him too. Since then we have messed around occasionally on and off for two years.He has become a protective, loving, and doting "father figure" to me, besides being my "boyfriend" to some extent. Now I want to break it off, he is my first cousin, way older than me, and it seems messed up. But can't quite do it because I feel so emotionally attached. I also honestly believe that he is deeply in love with me, and I don't know what to do. He seems so nice, but I can't help but wonder if that first night was rape, and if he is a pervert. Is there any hope for us?

Voting Results

29% Normal

Based on 414 votes (120 yes)

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Comments ( 19 )

mumbum

12 years ago

I am curious if you have now had intercourse with him, and if he is seeing other women... I bet you he is, though I hope I am wrong. My grandparents were first cousins, so it is possible for love to occur, but what you are describing sounds like assault to me...:(

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- Anonymous Post Author
  
  12 years ago
  
  We attempted intercourse once, but as I was a virgin, he had trouble entering, and ended up ejaculating prematurely. Now he has been wanting to do it for real, so that's why I'm getting all scared.
  Well, I know that he talks a lot so some woman he met on Facebook, and they are hoping to meet up sometime. But he tells me he has to keep up a normal front, because everyone would be horrified if they knew the only person he loved was me. I actually do feel like I am in love with him, but sometimes I feel resentment too. Thanks for sharing about your grandparents. I wish the society today were still as accepting.
  
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  - Weatherf
    
    6 years ago
    
    I put my cousin in jail that's rape no one should have sex with their family
    
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Free-spirit

12 years ago

What he did was wrong and he does sound perverted, however, you guys have continued this charade over the years, so it seems as though you have accepted it.

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[Old Memory]

12 years ago

He sexually assaulted you. Regardless of the fact he seems to say he cares now, he touched you without your consent. I mean, you don't mention if you said no but you do mention you pushed against him, trying to stop him, so I believe that he did sexually assault you.

I'm sorry but that's honestly what it seems to be.

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- Anonymous Post Author
  
  12 years ago
  
  I never actually said "no" but I did tell him I was scared and ask him what he was doing, but only in a tiny whisper, which at the time, he chose to ignore. He thought he would hush me with kisses, and I guess it worked. See, most of me realizes that what he did was wrong, and he isn't good for me, but to this day, I must admit, he is the best looking guy I know, and I am very attracted to him. Our personalities also mix very well. But because of age and blood relationship, I feel I need to ditch him. He agrees to try, but then is right back the next day saying how much he wants me.
  
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  - [Old Memory]
    
    12 years ago
    
    Regardless... he did something to you that you didn't want and he shouldn't have done it. I would go so far as to say he manipulated you considering he was an adult and you were a young teenager.
    
    It's like you had no choice but to be with him from the moment he touched you and that's not right. It should be a consensual decision from the get go. I would leave him and leave him completely. I'm still sorry but that's how I see it.
    
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    - Anonymous Post Author
      
      12 years ago
      
      I think you're right. It is just soooo hard, because I never realized how strong feelings are when they develop after you have been intimate with someone. Perhaps it will take me a year or two to recover, but someday I hope to find the right guy for me who is younger, treats me well, and whom I choose to fall in love with!
      
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      - [Old Memory]
        
        12 years ago
        
        It will take some time but what's important is you discover who you are on your own. I would take your time to let yourself heal and recover, just so you can be sure that you are ready to love or date again.
        
        I can't say it will be easy and sometimes, it will probably be hard but no matter what, you are what is important now. I know it's hard and you'll be wondering if this is the right thing but only you can really know what you want. I wish you all the luck and good will possible. :)
        
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        Anonymous Post Author
        
        12 years ago
        
        Thank you so much.I will try. It's amazing how I can feel comfort from the words of a stranger. I wish you the best. :)
        
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Joseph9319

10 years ago

But he can get jail time depending on how long it's been um I didn't get all of my last comment done but yes he can go to jail and that's if u tell the police and also I see u made this post when u where 18 and the event was 2yrs old so no grantee he will go to jail if he does the law will say why did u wait 2 years b4 u reported him

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Joseph9319

10 years ago

Ok if u where 16 most states consider that as the age of consent but it sounds like rape at first but if u don't scream stop or say no and admit ur attracted to him it sounds like u like it and like him

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kelili

11 years ago

You should tell someone of your family this story. This is abuse and the fact that you now appreciate him is no surprise. It's the Stockholm syndrome. To make the situation nice and beareable you choose to love your boureau

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Pixienerd

12 years ago

Anyone can 'seem' nice. I have been raped-but worse. You shouldn't have to ASK if that's rape. If you do-IT IS RAPE. Call the police on him nice and simple.

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Anonymous Post Author

12 years ago

From what I remember, I was really scared and shaking the whole time, so probably not so much. But in retrospect, the whole scenario seems very hot, and I must say he performed good oral sex...

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- kelili
  
  11 years ago
  
  You enjoy it because that area is extra sensible and you're suppose to feel great when someone is performing oral sex but I've read and re-read your story and you have been abused
  
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friendlydolphinkiss

12 years ago

At the time did you enjoy it?

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dom180

12 years ago

You never gave consent, but he still penetrated. You don't need to say "no", if you didn't say "yes" it is rape.

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- Anonymous Post Author
  
  12 years ago
  
  I see. Thanks. :)
  
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Did my cousin rape me?