Deliberately violating your own values
I hate throwing old toys away. Might have been an early influence of 'Toy Story'. Who knows. They have such sweet little faces. Throwing them in the bin feels barbaric.
There is a number of rather normal things like that which feel morally repulsive to me.
I have depression and a history of hurting myself to distract myself from pain/self hatred. I sometimes find myself daydreaming about ruthlessly doing these 'barbaric' things and laughing, just to feel the pain of a violated conscience.
Is it normal to deliberately violate your own values as an act of self-harm?