Dating middle eastern man

I'm F 20, working with the most decent guy (22) I have ever seen in my life, he's kind and respectful to everyone and I really feel that I want to be with him. I'm an English American and he's from a completely different culture as he is from an Arab middle east country; most of my friends told me to think about it deeply before asking him to go out. Do you have any experience in dating Arab men? Help please!

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Comments ( 22 )
  • _Mehhhh_

    Just take it slow and see how it goes. If he starts giving you red flags, ditch and dash... same goes for dating any race really though.

    He might not even be religious, yes Middle Eastern and ex-Muslim atheists do exist. I do find Middle Eastern men very attractive physically, but if I was going to seriously date one he'd have to be not very religious and quite liberal.

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  • Boojum

    On the plus side, he's not so attached to his native culture that he hasn't been able to deal with life in the West.

    As Middle Eastern countries go, Bahrain is relatively liberal. But "relatively" is the important word there. Women in Bahrain only got the right to vote in 2002. Of course, it's not right to judge a random guy from Bahrain on the basis of the internal politics and culture of his country, but you need to understand that he grew up in a very different society. While he may be very friendly and respectful of women in a business context, he may behave very differently in a private context.

    I guess you'd get some indication of this just by asking him out. This is not the way things are done in the Middle East, and how well he's adapted to the West might be reflected in his response.

    Bear in mind that it's almost certain that he's Muslim and, while Muslims vary in how strictly they adhere to the rules of the religion, this will probably be a factor in how he treats you.

    I think you should proceed very cautiously. There does seem to be a tendency for Muslim men to believe that all Western women are completely lacking in morals. If you do go out with him, be very clear what you have in mind. Because he's from a different culture, it would be unreasonable for you to expect him to pick up on subtle hints of what you are and aren't willing to do. For example, if you'd just like to have a meal with him, make it very clear that you need to be back home at a certain time, and that you're not open to invitations for something more.

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    • How do you know all of these things about Bahrain?

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      • Countess_Kittycat

        I don't know his/her sources, but most of these info bits can be found in wikipedia, though they certainly do not suffice to get a good idea of the background of the person you are interested in. In general, though, according to most traditional theological views, dating (in the Western sense, of having a boyfriend and engaging in affective physical contact) is a sin in Islam. Courtship is generally seem as acceptable, but there are usually severe restrictions, which are followed to different degrees in different countries and by different communities. In Iran (which is a Shia theocracy), outside of traditional arranged marriages, if people want to have a Romantic relationship with someone, they are officially allowed three supervisioned meetings before they agree to marry or part ways forever. This is probably one of the most extreme cases, though, and many do not follow these rules strictly, but dating is generally seem, traditionally, just as pre-nuptial arranged meetings by most Islamic countries.

        I really liked Boojum's reply, but I would like to make a few additional points. While it's almost certain that he grew up in Islam, he does not neccessarily follow Islam. If he does not, then his lifestyle is still going to be influenced by Islam, but he might not be subject to all of these restrictions. Even if he is indeed Muslim, he does not neccessarily follow all of them either, but the chances that he does most of them are greater. Most Muslims feel they must act with modesty and empathy both in public and in particular, but traditional gender relations in Middle Eastern countries are much more authoritary than they are now in the West. That means you must be cautious about it, and be sure to defend your rights. This is important in general, but becomes a more prominent worry when dealing with people from different cultural backgrounds. There is also a chance that he may see you as a temporary fall into sin, like Boojum pointed out, but of course, that is also kind of a worst case scenario, but one which you must keep in mind. Since Islam really values social behavior, it's hard to actually know the general behavior of a Muslim just from how he behaves in public. I think that's Boojum's point.

        In any case, I think it's important for you to be polite and ask him where he stands on any of these points regarding your possible relationship. Before starting to date him, it would also be wise to ask him how he feels about dating, and also to get to know as much as you possibly can about him and his background. Another problem would be that being too intimate in conversations with people of the opposite gender is also frowned upon by most Islamic communities, but you can try to sense his limits and ask him about what he is ok in talking about and what he is not. Even if you eventually decide there is a kind of relationship both of you would feel comfortable in developing, always keep in mind that you are free to get out whenever you want.

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  • rayb12

    Is he a refugee?

    Of course "Arab men" is such an enormous generalization there is virtually nothing that anyone can tell you about this man that is for certain per se.

    And of course the advice is go for it. And I ask this only because having spent any amount of time in your country decreases cultural differences the more time the less differences.

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    • No, he's from a country called Bahrain I guess, he was studying here and then got a Job!

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      • JonathanOo

        It's ok. Takes it slow and feel the situation out. If there us no language barrier it should be fine

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        • there are no, he's speaking English fluently

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  • MoDEgy

    am middle Easter from Egypt and I telling you don't be hesitant we are are very liberal now and am an athiast

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  • MysticLane

    middle eastern men, especially if theyre from the middle east, tend to like to date girls part of their own culture because their parents want them to and middle eastern families are very close.
    i know this because i’m half middle eastern

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    • Kevinevan

      So how did you get to be half middle eastern if they only date each other?

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      • Countess_Kittycat

        The key words are "tend to". They don't only date people from their own communities, but it's still a consistent pattern, with firm roots both in culture and religion. In Islam, dating in the Western sense is generally not accepted, and meetings before marriage might follow many restrictions we would not be very familiar with.

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        • MysticLane

          yes, that^
          and to answer your question my mom and her parents were born in America so I guess you could say that they aren't as culturally middle eastern as those who were born or had parents born there.

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  • BlackCatsAreAwesome

    Read or watch "Not Without My Daughter" and make the same mistake of thinking this will be different.

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  • Nickvey

    BTW middle eastern men have a reputation of mistreating all women as dogs. have a nice life.

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    • Algum

      Although there have been a lot of Middle Eastern men that have mistreated women and never let the wife have the upper hand about anything, and I have seen the film "Not without my daughter" which is a true story, you still can't say that all Middle Eastern men mistreat women. Maybe alot, but not all. You cannot say the word 'all' about anything. There's good and bad wherever you go, even if in some places it's around 60% good/ 40% bad and other places it could be 5% good/ 95% bad, there's still 5% of the population that's good, which makes finding the good very difficult but not impossible. Nothing is impossible.

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      • Nickvey

        I'm not the one looking to date an Arab man. i have all the data i need.

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    • Countess_Kittycat

      Says the resident racist mysoginist. Somehow I'm unpersuaded.

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    • AuProspector

      Testify!

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  • LuxM4G

    Try watching this recent movie, it's called The Big Sick from 2017, directed by Michael Showalter, you might learn something from it. Trust me, i am a huge movie buff, saw over three thousand movies from the 20's to current cinema, including foreign in the past four years. I could give you more references, but that one should give you some perspective on a relationship between a young western woman and a Arab man.

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  • Pumpurrnickel

    Why would it be completely different attracting a Middle Eastern man than a man where you're from? Assuming he can speak fluently in English, you can do it.

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  • CUNT

    FUCK THAT

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