Dating a great looking girl; never been proposed to.

47% Normal
23 Comments

Recently started dating a very attractive girl who I know gets hit on. I've been pinning for her since last year and finally managed to be in the same geographical location as her. Here's the scenario that I'm confused about and part of me says "Run Forest Run!!"

Her:
- She's 27 w/child
- She is self-employed
- Perfect hair, exotic looking, coach purses, lives in nicer part of town. Has things that scream "materialistic" but this is partial and not everything is like this. Always where the "beautiful people are".
- Drinking is a theme: New Years resolution - no drinking for 30 days. This lasted until the day before our second date...so obviously she was free to drink on our 2nd date.
- Admits to never being proposed to
- Disconnected relationship with both parents (raised by very strict grandparents)
- Admits to not liking children...her son is the exception
- Presents a very professional/educated persona

Me:
- 39; established (I like nice things...because I just like certain things)
- I drink socially...which isn't very often 1-2 drinks a month
- Been married once, been in plenty of LTRs

We've been on two dates (sex both times- she set the conditions). On the second date I inadvertently chose her favorite venue which happen to be a lot more trendy/expensive than I would normally take a 2nd date to. I had a little too much to drink (doesn't take much) and proposed we wait a little longer to leave the restaurant. She quickly volunteered to drive my new Range Rover back to her place. Out of curiosity I let her, and she seemed to enjoy it a bit too much.

- She NEVER demonstrates interest (except on dates). Text responses are instant, but short, she never responds to compliments (you look nice, etc) and never dishes them out. Exception; she was excited and amazed that I chose a specific restaurant for our second date..the expensive one. She's initiated contact maybe 3 times. She's never flaked on me as far as dates and always responds when I contact her.

I'm confused as to what I'm dealing with here. This doesn't feel normal. Mixed signals. I've never been this financially established and never had issues dating good looking women. Am I being viewed as a cash cow or is there a social/emotional issue here?

Thanks folks.

Voting Results
47% Normal
Based on 34 votes (16 yes)
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Comments ( 23 )
  • kelili
    11 years ago

    Choose more romantic and less expensive dates next time and she how she reacts.

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    • Tekhed
      11 years ago

      LOL...thanks, I chose this one on accident. I had no clue how much it was going to run till we got to the front door...and you could just tell. Good advice though.

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  • EccentricWeird
    11 years ago

    Simply have her consume the child to provide energy and nutrients for you to create a child of your own. Then give her a tracking microchip and make sure that bitch stays in the fucking sandwich room.

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    • Tekhed
      11 years ago

      I'm not going to lie, I'm laughing my ass right now. Great comment!!

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      • EccentricWeird
        11 years ago

        Evolutionary psychology is not rocket science.

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  • ProseAthlete
    11 years ago

    Honestly? The person you've described sounds more like a high-priced call girl than like a girlfriend in many ways. She may not be a literal prostitute, but you've outlined someone who might as well be one. Whether she's a materialistic and shallow person or not, that's clearly the face she's showing you.

    Take that as a sign that you aren't a good fit with her even if she is very much your type physically.

    If you're interested in seeing how this might wind up, Kelili's suggestion is excellent. Plan a picnic in the park or take her to a free open-air concert and see how she responds.

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    • Tekhed
      11 years ago

      Yeah, my gut has been saying this. I pretty much suck at choosing women. I'm good at the short-term stuff, but whenever I think I'm on to something LTR...it turns into this mess.

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  • [Old Memory]
    11 years ago

    get ready for bankruptcy bro

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  • PKYAZ
    11 years ago

    Go with what kelili says

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  • ccjigsaw
    11 years ago

    I say just keep dating. Don't make anything to official until you've had enough ddates to know what she's really about. It sounds like right now it's still fresh enough that you've only seen the surface. I don't think it would hurt to stick around a delve a little deeper. If you don't like what you see, then get out of there!

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    • Tekhed
      11 years ago

      Hi, thanks for your input...I already broke it off with her. I needed to keep ME in check and not play the games. I went ahead and shot her a text saying a few true things and adding a bit of spice to ensure there would be a clean break with no hope of ever keeping contact again.

      I sat down and looked at the gravity of the entire situation. There are too many fish in the sea and honestly I got trapped by her beauty and surface eloquence. Under the skin the chic was rotten. This is not something I tag every broken relationship with. I'm just calling it as I saw it. There is one more detail I'm way to embarrassed to mention here because it was the most obvious red flag and I don't like the fact that ignored it. In fact, it's so obvious that everyone here would've said..."Hey idiot...what the f#@$ are you doing???"

      Anyway, I'm just a little down right now. I can date all day long. I get numbers easy, I get dates easy, but I have a lot to work on to get a quality person in my life. Obviously I qualify the wrong people to be apart of who I am.

      Thanks again.

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  • KeddersPrincess
    11 years ago

    When I read this, the song "Uptown Girl" got in my head.

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  • foxyk
    11 years ago

    She seems like she isn't that interested. As a female, if I actually liked a guy, I wouldn't act like that. She only initiated contact 3 times? Short responses? Had sex with you on the first date (I have respect for myself, and if I actually like a guy I won't ruin it by fucking him right away) then again, that's probably just how she is. The situation sounds super sketcy and it sounds like she isn't that into you- she does like, however, that you have sex with her and take her to expensive places. You said she has a lot of money and lives high end? Well, those kind of girls are a bit stuck up and a lot of them are gold diggers and/or expect a lot from their men. She will expect everything from you... This is just my opinion from what I've seen and heard about in my life. Listen to everyone here and take her somewhere non expensive (picnic or a non expensive restaurant, but not something like subway of course lol)

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    • Tekhed
      11 years ago

      Hey Foxyk...thanks. The initial reason I was confused and probably naive is...why would a good looking girl like her have sex on date 1 & 2 and then act distant, but yet still reply promptly to all texts and never flake on a date??? I'm used to having it one way or another...I'm either in or out and the girl will let it be known quickly. I walked away confused as hell.

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      • foxyk
        11 years ago

        Your welcome! Yeah it seems like a weird situation. It's always good to get another girl's advice... She probably didn't flake out on the date because she knew you were going to take her somewhere nice... Or because (I've even done this before to guys lol)...
        -she is bored
        -she isn't interested or is just kind of, and she feels bad so she goes with you
        -she wants to hookup
        I've hooked up with guys on the first date but didn't have sex... I guess it's just as bad, kind of
        She could just be weird with relationships or doesn't know what she really wants

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    • foxyk
      11 years ago

      I forgot!! It's also very strange that she doesn't acknowledge your compliments ! If I like a guy, I always do and most girls in general find it flattering when a guy they like compliments them. Also, she doesn't show any interest? Doesn't flirt? Come on! Girls always flirt with guys they like unless they are super shy people!

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      • Tekhed
        11 years ago

        FoxyK I left a lot of stuff out, didn't want to write a novel but here's some extra:

        Date #2:
        - I did some playful/tasteful banter alluding to our first sexual encounter (nothing explicit)...she started shaking her head no as if to say "We don't talk about it...we just do it...and never speak of it". I was like WHAAAAH?? It was weird.

        - I think I'm starting to understand why no one proposes to her. Initially I would never have believed it...she's stunning and seems very polite and nice.

        - We also had a discussion about honesty. She told me she would never tell someone she did not care for them/like them (work, friends, etc.). I told her that I would tastefully find a way to convey that I was just fine without their presence. She seemed mortified. So I asked her if she would tell me if she didn't like me? We were both a little drunk, I don't remember her response. We went back to her place and had sex, so I assumed she would tell me at some point.

        - When we met on the Internet a year ago all her girlfriends knew about me...so she said back then. We took time away from contact until I got home and I contacted her 60 days later (we weren't in a relationship). Now that we've started dating, she told me straight up that none of her friends knew her and I were seeing each other. I have an athletic build (seriously) and I don't look 39, and have never had a problem getting a date for anything...what on earth could cause me to be a secret?

        Honestly I'm preparing to NEXT this loon, but I don't want a repeat of this with another woman, so here I am on this site.

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        • foxyk
          11 years ago

          Haha yeah, no wonder she's never been proposed to... And the other stuff you're describing is weird too! If I was talking with a guy like that or dating one by the description you give me(I have a boyfriend, but if I was in that situation), I would brag to all my friends and talk to th about it! I've done it before and all my girlfriends and girls I'm not even close to do that! They brag when they are talking to a Hott guy or even a guy they like! Girls talk lol... Also she doesn't seem like an honest person from what you said there. And the first part u mentioned in this comment is odd too haha. Well Goodluck and hopefully u can figure it out!
          Ps- maybe she didn't tell her friends about you because she was in a relationship at the time? Who knows

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  • myboyfriendsbitch
    11 years ago

    So... She likes to drive and she has a favorite restaurant? The only thing i'm worried about is you "pinning" her.

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    • Tekhed
      11 years ago

      Ugh...yeah, I'm going to bail out of this one. Seems like a unanimous response here.

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      • myboyfriendsbitch
        11 years ago

        Actually kind of the opposite. It's hard to tell of she's a gold digger or not simply by her acting out of the norm. I would be excited to go to a fancy restaurant and drive a new car myself, because i'm not exposed to the high life like that.

        She could have just been raised like that and has attachment issues (speculating). It's hard to say.

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        • Tekhed
          11 years ago

          MFB (love your name),

          I'm definitely not high life, I have a few trinkets, but otherwise that's it. I have no children hence I have a little extra disposable income.

          Yeah I get what you're saying, and I wouldn't knock her for that, but I definitely feel there's an attachment issue based on my own previous attachment issues and seeing the signs I use to display, but also based on her past relationship descriptions.

          We invite into out lives that which reinforces who we are. This statement could backfire on me, except it's been more than 7 years since I've dated a personality like this and I picked her off of an online profile. Now if I keep trying with her and she remains this way with me, than this would be bad for me.

          That said, I'm in the early stages with her and my gut is telling me she is where I use to be relationship wise and right now I'm using this site as a sounding board to validate/invalidate my gut feeling. This sort of interaction between her and I has a short shelf life, but I don't want to jump to conclusions without hearing others take.

          Right now I sense a strong feeling of attachment issue on her side. Almost EVERY one of her past relationships involved a male who was desperately attached to her and was willing to write laundry lists for why they should remain together, or sleep on her front porch to convince her. I'm not that guy. I was the "bad boy" who grew up. I understand the importance of reciprocity and healthy demonstration of attraction. I'm willing to do what's necessary to show this to her, but you can only show someone so much...you can't cater to their need for you to become clingy in order to make them feel important.

          In the past my style was pump and dump because I was afraid of commitment. On top of that I wanted to dominate that woman by using push-pull and hot-cold. This tactic usually creates a sense of "need" (neediness) and causes a girl to chase. Sometimes it happens quickly, sometimes it takes years once you simply disappear without any explanation. I quit using these tactics because what I ended up with were insecure women who after I committed and stopped pandering to constant validation, would eventually seek the constant validation elsewhere (male attention). My ex-wife was like this. She was very aloof when we started, so I played hard ball with her and she started chasing me...this eventually blew up in my face 5 years later when she cheated.

          I walked away from that. 4 years after the divorce she started chasing me again and is in fact doing this now.

          Soooo...my gut tells me that if she's letting me have "the goods", but limiting communication or any of the social benefits, she's employing an old tactic that would cause me to ask "what's going on"...and it's working. However, I've controlled my responses toward her and now I need to put myself in check by looking past all the good qualities I am attracted to (her independence, her looks, her life philosophy) and everything else I idealized about her. I'm starting to see that much of that idealization is based on her profile info and not what has been presented to me.

          All the above comments are based on internal discussions I have with myself over the last week. Hearing what you folks have to say is reiterative and reinforcing.

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  • Terence_the_viking
    11 years ago

    Forrest saved my life you know.

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