Dark cloud, iin?

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11 Comments

Sorry folks but, I'm not talking about the video game series by the same name. This is about how I feel.

So far, for two days, I have had a sudden dark cloud come into my life. Today, I realised that it is depression. I can't figure out what would be causing me to feel so sad.

In fact, I should be elated. I've had some health issues for a very long time and now they're finally improving. Before this, I feared that I was dying. I have felt happiness and relief yet, there's still this lingering sadness.

Earlier this month, I was extremely depressed for two days over an unrelated matter, that I don't want to go into. I was so beside myself that I inadvertently starved myself.

I haven't been starving myself this time round. I'm eating a healthy amount.

I can't make any sense out of this. I really don't want to keep feeling like this.

There's no need to worry, I have zero intention of ending my life. I just want to go back to feeling happy. IIN?

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33% Normal
Based on 6 votes (2 yes)
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Comments ( 11 )
  • TrustMeImLying
    9 years ago

    A couple of days is alright, everyone gets the blues here and there. But the moment such days last a week or two -- get help. A lot of people brush off early signs of depression, prolonging them to the point where their brain chemistry changes and assimilates to that depressed state.

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      9 years ago

      I started working on this yesterday, and I'm already seeing a huge improvement. I am much better now but, I'm still a little sad.

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  • Holzman_67
    9 years ago

    Sounds like you've got some repressed emotions you haven't properly dealt with yet.

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      9 years ago

      That may be so. On that second day, I reflected (had a little heart to heart with myself) and realised that I deeply despise myself.

      I've also had many people that I cared about to die in the course of my, so far, relatively short life and I never learned to properly cope. I do write about them, as a form of therapy but, also critique on my behalf. I knew a man who died of an illness years ago and I blame myself for his death, despite it being completely out of my control at the time. I was really blaming myself and dwelling on this before those two days.

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      • Holzman_67
        9 years ago

        You need to forgive yourself, let go and be kinder on yourself. Think about all your qualities and what you offer to others that is positive. Hell, write them down if you need to so you have a visual aid to call upon when you need to.

        Other than that, we all feel down sometimes. Whether it's as simple as just being fatigued at the end of a day where nothings gone right, or being unfit, or just simply our hormonal imbalances, it's all part of a mood spectrum. Get yourself through the lows to enhance the highs.

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  • charli.m
    9 years ago

    Two days is not long enough for a depression diagnosis, particularly not a self diagnosis. I'm not saying it's not depression, but you are jumping to conclusions way too quickly.

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      9 years ago

      The other two day occasion that I mentioned in my post, was so severe that starvation aside, I started to considered making an exit.

      Prior to, maybe, last year, I had depression for all of my life. I like to tell myself that it was on and off but the truth of the matter, is that I always had an underlining sadness. Believe me, I know how this feels and I'm glad that I was able to catch it in time so, that I can deal with it. I felt a lot better yesterday.

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  • howaminotmyself
    9 years ago

    I am no expert but as far as I can tell, you don't really need a reason to be depressed. The only times I have been depressed where when my health and hormones were severly out of balance. You get that feeling of being sick and tired of being sick and tired. And then spilling your coffee is the worst thing ever and it ruins your whole day. Silly reason to be upset, but again, you don't really need a reason when your brain is sending mixed signals.

    Food is my medicine. It always makes me feel better to eat nutritious food. When my mood starts to do weird things I do one of three things, take extra iron, take some vitamin D, or garden. That usuallly works for me.

    And to build off your metaphor, I saw a dark cloud today that brought one hell of a storm. Then it stopped and the sun came out. It only lasted a short while. Clouds always pass by, they are not permanent fixtures in our enviornment.

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      9 years ago

      I'm very much into natural medicine. I've been eating a lot of carrots for their vitamin D, but the isoluable fibre withholds most of the nutrition. So, I'm going to see if I can find some carrot juice powder.

      I noticed, though it could be coincidental, that my sudden sadness came on after taking two supplements together. Nopal Juice, which is what has saved my life, and is used for treating depression, among many other ailments, with bee pollen. I didn't take the latter yesterday, and I felt so much better. I'm still a little sad but, I do feel a lot better.

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  • zzyzx
    9 years ago

    Congratulations on your new-found health!

    Did you put off certain activities, dreams, or goals because you believed you were dying? Maybe that's what's missing from your life now. Your attitude toward your life may have been different with the threat of death looming over you. It might be time to reassess all aspects of your life from the perspective of a person who has a future.

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      9 years ago

      Thank you. Oddly enough, I didn't really put anything off. I intended to continue living even though I feared I wouldn't have long to live. I did, however, stagnant on some important things. I felt like "what's the point when I might ended up dying before I finish this?".

      I have been much more driven since, I'm a changed person. I've still got my dreams but, my goals are much more "real", so to speak. I didn't really have any hobbies prior, and I still don't.

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