Crippling social phobia

59% Normal
16 Comments

So I am in college, and I have been drifting for 2 years now with absolutely no motivation or direction. My gpa is 2.0 cumulative and I am still taking some freshman classes in my 3rd year. I haven't declared a major. (I had a 3.7 cum in high school and got a 30 on my ACT, so i'm not dumb or anything)

Here's my problem: I am, and always have been, horribly afraid of social situations which I can't control. If you asked anyone I went to high school with to describe me in a word, I bet any sum of money they would say "quiet." I have a core group of friends who I feel comfortable around, and I am outgoing and funny with them. (unfortunately they are all dudes) However, when anyone new comes into the mix, I clam up completely. Like, I will not say a word. In class, parties, bars, work, etc. I have been this way for so long and I am starting to realize how much its f**king me over. I used to get girls based on looks alone (and some girls thought the quiet thing was attractive i guess) but I am completely unable to think of anything to say around girls. Trying to make small talk is like f**king brain surgery to me. Instead of seeing me as shy, people assume I am a self absorbed a**hole because I cannot think of anything to say. I know I am not normal, but I am even afraid to talk to teachers about my grades or apply for jobs. I am stuck in a hole and I have no idea how to get out of it. I went to a shrink once but it was so uncomfortable for me that I never went back. Does anyone have any suggestions? I am totally lost here. I feel like my only option is to end my life, because I have been miserable so long that I cannot see any happiness in my future.

Voting Results
59% Normal
Based on 68 votes (40 yes)
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Comments ( 16 )
  • cosmos35
    13 years ago

    re'madetofade'yes CBT is amazing! I am studying that at the moment...if I can help just one person realise that they can and will overcome their anxieties it would make me so happy as I know first hand what they are going through and that they can and will overcome it.'Mclaren' as 'madetofade' has posted Cognitive Behavioural Therapy is the way forward it basically enables you to re-examine your thought processes....you have developed what are basically habits and survival techniques but you've just mixed them up a little...now you need to un-ravell them! your just stuck in a circle of negative thought processes. CBT will just allow you to see how you are the master of your own thoughts and destiny...and yes it really is simple once you know how, to evaluate objectively what you are thinking and feeling and that this is created by you, you really can change and quite rapidly too...OK it's not an over night thing but after about ten-twenty sessions your life will begin to change...please...please seek out a Cognitive Behavioural Therapist...don't be a slave to your own negative thoughts believe me there is a way forward. I wish I knew you I would help guide you through this if you really want to change then you can and quite dramatically too...just push yourself to go get some CBT by whatever means do it, do it.

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  • cosmos35
    14 years ago

    I suffered exactly the same as you for years ! eventually I was diagnosed with social phobia, I also suffered crippling anxiety and low self esteem I decided enough was enough and decided to do something about it, that was 15 years ago, today I am completely free of my demons no anxiety, I am a very out going confident person I love social situations and look forward to them. you need to buy a book called feel the fear and do it anyway, use it as your bible stick to it your life will change, start to think to yourself when in those situations 'who gives a shit' seriously it works because in reality no one does. also go see a homeopath stick with that it works wonders many remedys 'ambra grisea' being one which is ace for those social anxiety situations. most importantly don't give up see it as a personal goal to beat not overcome. you will get over it, take care and have faith in yourself bud

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    • Mclaren777
      14 years ago

      I would just like to know...........in the beginning when you were facing your fears ( social phobia) was it really uncomfortable. After constantly facing those " demons" did you wake up one day and felt better. It's not a quick fix obviously but when did you start seeing the changes in you. I avoid allot of situations and really want to change. thanks for your answer! Cheers .............

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      • cosmos35
        13 years ago

        re:'Maclaren777'
        'I would just like to know...........in the beginning when you were facing your fears ( social phobia) was it really uncomfortable. After constantly facing those " demons" did you wake up one day and felt better. It's not a quick fix obviously but when did you start seeing the changes in you. I avoid allot of situations and really want to change. thanks for your answer! Cheers .............'

        My heart goes out to you 'Maclaren777' as you know I have been there too. Well as mentioned earlier I was crippled by social phobia anxiety agrophobia and body dismorphia....so you can get a little insight into how I was here is a short profile of myself when I was younger. From the age of 17. I was a very sensitive, shy young man, I liked 'The Smiths' 'Cocteau Twins' and 'Kate bush' all melancholy music I was lost in my own thoughts I felt very sad and alone. Then out of the blue I was asked to front a band! yes can you believe it..so I fronted a band which went against everything I thought and felt I was a nervous wreck but I was very good, and the thing is Maclaren no one new or could tell how I felt!!!!!!!! so you see, you have this perception of yourself which isn't true...it's distorted...eventually I ended up as a session singer in recording studios working with production companies also did a bit of modelling in Milan, didn't like that so got out fairly quickly...believe me half those male models suffer with really bad body dismorphia...but I still carried all this baggage around with me,unfortunately I stated to smoke 'weed' now that was the straw that broke the camels back, I had a breakdown..that's another thing! 'if your smoking weed, stop now! the worst thing you can do. What it does is makes you paranoid anxious, an anxiety state that would normally

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        • cosmos35
          13 years ago

          carried over from above.

          Lies dormant in some people for the rest of their lives is unleashed by this drug.....serious bad news if your prone to anxiety or any other emotional condition.So I decided to address this and face my demons it took a while, I came across a book as I have already mentioned ' Feel the fear and do it anyway' a life saver it helped tremendously.I then went for counselling and to a psychoanalyst but that did not help me at all.I
          eventually realised that what I was doing was created through my own negative thought processes....just let the anxiety happen just go through it, what's the worst that can happen! seriously.Just push yourself just that little bit more to find your inner strength which, believe me you do have a lot off......go through it let it happen....because inside have the strength and courage of a lion, you are a survivor you have been through the mill and probably have more inner strength than your average joe. Don't get down don't feel lonely...get up go to the gym....that's great because it releases endorphins and serotonin
          which elevate your mood naturally.

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          • cosmos35
            13 years ago

            carried over from above

            OK you'll feel self conscious and your heart may be pounding like a drum and feel you can't cope and want to run away...DON'T...STAY....force yourself,just do it the rewards will be tremendous...then start to work on your psyche
            see it as a challenge. OK sometimes you may take two steps forward and one step back, but that's how things are in every aspect of life sometimes. So what if someone's looking at you 'Oh my god don't look at me or else I'll die' sound familiar? once you learn to think 'I couldn't give a shit' and mean it...thats when you've made progress. Grab the bull by the horn and go for it. I will keep coming on here to see how you are if you need help or just someone to talk to about your anxieties if you need to ask me anything or if I can offer guidance I will. Just remember! you are not alone : ) p.s By the way apart from my studying CBT I am now flight crew I have for a major airline, I travel the world have a great job and meet hundreds of people everyday and I love it. I'm no longer a slave to my negative thoughts only to my positive thoughts. I have met hundreds of people that have had this condition through my job you would be so so so surprised...keep your chin up your going to be fine....P.S. I have heard acting is a very good way to overcome your fears! do it find an acting class go for it, why not ?

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  • javanut8
    14 years ago

    just relax. the things other people have to say are not better because they are not better people.

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  • tahersyed
    5 years ago

    Hey whats up; message me sometime, we have alot in common.

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  • crygypsy
    11 years ago

    Sometimes I get this way around people I know that I run into at the grocery store. I definantly know how you feel. There have been times where I knew in my gut they were thinking "wow, that person is a freak, why were they all twitching out and stuttering?" My advice to you: you are constantly to please so for once in your life, try not to. It helps to think to yourself "I don't give a shit about these people" and if you don't give a shit about them, then there is no reason to be nervous in front of them. It's just an insecurity and will likely go away once you have found full confidence in yourself.

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  • madetofade
    13 years ago

    People say the same things to me..."don't be afraid of what others think about you". If it were that simple, then we wouldn't be having these problems. Its harder than you think to remove those thoughts out of your head. Fortunetly, CBT (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy) is supposedly the answer to removing those negative thoughts and making you comfortable in social situations. I've just recently started the therapy myself, and so far so good. I'm just hoping I come out being a more outgoing and talkative person, and I wish the best for the others out there dealing with the same problem. At least we know we have a problem and that there is solutions out there for it.

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  • Anton2
    14 years ago

    I am the same way and I'm 53 years old. If I'm in a training class as a student, I will generally not ask questions unless it's one on one and usually not even that. However, I have also taught training classes and I don't generally have a problem being the center of attention (in small doses) because I have the "authority" to speak, even though I've given it to myself. In social situations, outgoing friends are great. I feel comfortable speaking up there because I'm just one of the crowd and I can contribute or not contribute off and on all evening depending on my comfort level. I feel your pain but it's going to be easier for you to establish new behavior in college because just being on the same campus gives you a lot of starting points for conversations. Give it a try. Even if you screw up, you'll never see most of the people again once you leave college.

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  • reddawn17
    14 years ago

    I know this might seem like an odd solution but go outside and sit in the sunlight for like 2-4 hours straight just direct sunlight.
    Then run five miles.
    The combined highs given from these 2 things will make you happier and far more social.

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  • iceyangel13
    15 years ago

    I used to have (well still kind of have) that same problem. What I found that works is to go somewhere with a friend and let them get the ball rolling for you and jump in once you feel comfortable. Dont worry about making a fool of yourself and dont over think everything you say. Just remember that these new people are just as unfamilar with you as you are with them and they could be feeling some of the same anxieties as you. Oh and most important of all is no matter how bad it seems it will get better :)

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  • wardenclyffe
    15 years ago

    I felt the same. Leaving school, I started to realise my friends were all going out, excited and enthusiastic, enjoying the 'best years of their lives', while I hesitated. I think change frightened me. So how do you solve that problem? Face your fears. Force yourself into these situations that you find uncomfortable, slowly at first, but relentlessly. And yes, remember that those people you think are always judging you, aren't.

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  • chakmak
    15 years ago

    Jim is right, just ask questions. Girls love to talk about themselves, so just ask questions and they will do all the talking. And if yur forced to talk, just be honest. Say what's on your mind. People can tell when someone is honest and genuine and it is a very attractive quality. I also think you should try seeing a therapist again. I feel like there are plenty of ways to work through your phobia. Good luck!

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  • Jim_Pfoss
    15 years ago

    Stop worrying so much about what other people think about you. For the most part, they don't.
    Worry, instead, about what you think of other people. Don't try to tell them things. Ask questions. Find out about them.
    Most people love to talk about themselves, and they'll think you're brilliant just for listening with an intelligent look on you face.

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