Cousin may have raped me

6 Comments

This is very hard for me to come clean about. I grew up in a tough familial environment. My parents and some of my extended family were drug addicts. I ended up spending quite a bit of time with my aunt and first cousin. We are only a few months apart in age and we're exposed to many inappropriate things from a young age. Neither of us experienced any sexual abuse but we were exposed to very sexual movies, conversations, and pictures. We one day felt each other up at a very young age. I believe we were 7 or 8 years old. This would go on whenever we would see each other over the next few years. It normally happened after everyone went to bed and while i was "asleep". I would act asleep and he would feel me up. I was obviously conscious and non objective but i believe this only happened due to our exposure and inexperience in healthy relationships though i still feel guilty to this day. This has not happened for a very long time until tonight. I am now 16 and something wrong has happened tonight. I was drinking tonight because there was a family gathering so i was a little tipsy. We were upstairs watching tv and i was going to go back to bed on the couch downstairs by my mom afterwards. I kept falling asleep while watching the show and he convinced me it was okay and I could just sleep there. We were on the floor with pillows and blankets a good length away. i fell asleep and woke up to him stroking my v*****. I woke up when i felt him move my leg. I was frozen though. I felt what he was doing but I was so scared to "wake up" and face him face to face. I didn't believe he would hurt me but i was very scared. I didn't know what to do. He kept moving my underwear and stroking my v*****. My body involuntarily reacted and i ended up having a small orgasm. I also wasn't thinking right due to the alcohol. He moved my underwear back and flipped me over. I then began to act like i was waking up in an attempt to flee. I ended up making the transition and now i am downstairs on the couch and freaking out. He is still upstairs and i do not know how to face this situation. It has been years since this happened last and i am old now and understand how terribly wrong this is but i do not know what to do. I do not know if he thinks i was unconscious or awake and wanting it. I'm so scared.

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Comments ( 6 )
  • Tinyprince
    6 years ago

    Rape, no. Sexual assault, yes. Tell someone.

    Also, how did it happen "tonight" if it's "been years" since it happened? 🤔

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  • KnobOnMySlob
    6 years ago

    First off, thank you for being brave enough to share your story. Second, that is absolutely sexual assault and you should absolutely tell someone about it. Anyone who touches you sexually without your direct consent (as in "I am a willing, conscious and of right mind and consenting to sex") and constant consent through the entire act has committed sexual assault which can go hand in hand with rape. I work in the social work field and this absolutely constitutes sexual assault. If you would like some support through this incident, reply to my comment or something. Sorry this happened to you, sounds very scary.

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    • Nickvey
      6 years ago

      you social work will not get you a seat at a hearing nor will it get an arrest and your notes wouldn't mean shit she has to testify she pretended to sleep by deception it her fault she didnt say no. she cant even prove who fingered her no prints.

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  • Abused1
    6 years ago

    You didn't say no and admitted to having a orgasim not rape just two kids exploring. You were liking the touching or you would not have got off.

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  • Nickvey
    6 years ago

    tell it to a jury of 12 and its not a definition of rape. so sorry . you pretended to sleep thats admitted deception and you are guilty. i dont give a fuck you were scared. You get no sympathy and not even the police that took that statement could arrest anyone for rape. in fact because you pretended to sleep thats enough defence to prove you can't say who fingered you up. you are just a f99king stupid girl .

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  • Missypoo
    6 years ago

    Did it ever occur to you that it happened because yall were kissing cousins years ago. You didnt say no and he probably thought you still has sexual feelings for him. Stop playing sleep and tell him loud and clear that what yall did before as children was a mistake and that you never want to participate in sexual activity with him again. Im sorry that this happened but I do not think he did it to be harmful or to be malicious he's just accustom to how yall use to play. Tell him you don't want that anymore but I wouldn't report it. If he doesn't respect your wishes after you tell him your uncomfortable with it and begins focing you then report it but this incident doesn't sound like rape or assault especially because you didn't say the words "no" or "stop" and he didnt chase you when you went to the other room.

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