Could i have a mental disorder or i'm just overthinking it?.

I'm 21 y/o. Male.

-I have lot of phobias. I'm aware that phobia isn't just a fear. When I'm in a phobic incident, I tend to loss my mind, I can't be still, I'm having thought of possible negative outcome or sometimes death, I'm breathing fast and deep, I get stun, looking for an exit (even when I'm travelling at seas, I just want to jump off.), and some twitching.

- (I think this is normal, but I'm still going to add this) I don't want someone to get mad at me and abandon me. I always think of what I'm going to say to him/her/them, but sometimes I joke and, gladly, he/she/they get it. When I offended them, I feel very sorry in a way that I hated myself and sometimes I almost cry from it. When arguing or having a normal conversation and I feel that it is an debate-like conversation, I will just end it though I am right (really!). I just don't want somebody to get upset and mad at me. But there are times that I get mad and later when i feel sober, I feel really bad.

-I normally sleep at 1-2 a.m

- when I suddenly hear loud shouts, I always get startled, and I want to know where it came from, and most of the I mistaken it from laughs or any unthreatening sounds.

- Sometimes, I feel so unsafe especially at dark and always check any possible hiding places.

-for almost 6 weeks, I always feel depressed at night around 10pm-12am. And by depressed, I don't mean it as "sad" but literally "depressed". I don't know how depressed I am, maybe mild or moderate but not severe.
And at daylight, I just don't feel it anymore, I just feel active and happy.

-I easily get obsessed with things. This time, I feel it is the worst, I got obsessed with a movie. I watcched over and over again. I have watched it for 40 times, approximately, for almost 6 weeks. Sometimes I'm able to skip it for a day or two and sometimes I'm able to watched it twice a day. I think it has something to do with the depression I have mentioned because it started at night after the first time I watched the movie. I'm a little bit confuse though. The movie isn't the black, actually it is quite positive.

-I also love listening to its musical score, I heard it a hundred times. It makes me feel that when I close my eyes, I'm different, that I'm living in my own world, that I can do what ever I wanted to do. Which makes me more depressed because when I open my eyes, I'm still here, worthless, so common, nonsense, and nothing special. It makes me feel that maybe when I end my 'current' life, I can live my what-I-want life.

-My mind runs lot of things that most of them are unrecognizable. I don't know what I will say first. Then my memory just go back at past especially in my regretful memories.

-sometimes, my head aches because of those past memories.

-i'm not sure if sometimes i'm hallucinating or not. Though, there were short (very short) period of times that I actually hear some short noices that weren't really present. Sometimes, I also feel that I'm delusioning, i often think that they're against me, that they want me to get crazy/insane, that someone is making me guilty for what i did not.

i really waant to consult this, but i have no money, in our coubtry, we have no free consultation.

I KNOW THAT I SHOULD CONSULT TO AN EXPERT ABOUT THIS AND NOT IN HERE. BUT PLEASE I'M NOT EXPECTING AN ACCURATE ANSWER JUST A PROBABLE ANSWER.